In an ideal world (paternal leave)

[crackerslikejacobs]

Not due until April but as my DH is self employed and will get no paternity pay we're trying to work that into our sort of savings plan.

I'm just wondering, in an ideal world, how long would you have liked your partners to have been off for?

Or, has anyone had their partners off for a long time and wanted them to go back to work haha?

Thanks!

First time around, DH was off 3 weeks (2 weeks paternity and 1 week AL). Went far too quickly.

This time around he's taking from whenever baby comes (due Monday) until the New Year (unpaid leave). Can't wait!!

I'd say realistic but ideal would be a month. dh was made redundant 3 months before i was due and was off til dd was 3mo. I was definitely getting ansy to get to grips with parenthood without him (he was cramping my style ).

second time around 2 weeks was ok, but we didn't have much time as a family with visitors or baby appointments most days.

My dp was off a total of 5 weeks due to a mix of paternity leave and annual leave. It was honestly brilliant, we had such a good routine. It was also so good because I ended up having a c-section so struggled with moving and tiredness from that.

Dh was overseas when dd1 was born, we were both overseas when dd2 was born (so no family) and he thought 2 days was plenty, yes on the 3rd day I was in sole charge of an autistic 2 year old and a newborn - you just get on with life. I think I would have insisted he took the Friday and Saturday off if I did it again (no chance!) but that's plenty, I needed to get on with things and he got in the way really as it upset dd1's routines him being home in the day (he worked 6 days a week at that time and on Sundays she was always a nightmare.

I think it depends on the situation. DH ended up taking 2 extra weeks holidays but I was very ill and DD was 11 days before we were all properly home from hospital.

DH was off for 2 weeks first time and I dreaded him going back to work and found the days really hard. Longer would've been great! Dd1 was difficult. One thing that worked well was that DD1 and I were in hospital for the first week and he went to work during that time, so his 2 weeks off were the 2nd and 3rd weeks of DD1's life. I needed him at home much more than in hospital. I'm really pleased we didn't trigger his paternity leave when I went into labour. Was just by luck, he was on holiday that day as we'd planned a lovely leisurely last chance lunch. DD was early and with us by lunchtime!!!

2nd time he was working part time, so although he was only "off" for 2 weeks, he was permanently off for 4/7 days which was amazing!

DH got 2 weeks with our first and second and it didn’t feel enough. This time he will get 6 weeks full pay and it feels like too long! Don’t think he’ll take it all (maybe 4 weeks). Bar complications I’m hoping to be back into our usual routine after a couple of weeks (school runs, pre school runs, groups, seeing friends etc) so think he’ll be bored.

It's how long is a piece of string really.

We split dh's leave into two chunks - 2 weeks starting with the birth and two when the babies were around 6 months and we could do a lot more as a family (actually we went on holiday with dc1).

Obviously the second chunk was a luxury.

I breastfed so once I'd recovered from my cesarean section enough to get out of bed unassisted I didn't need much help. It made more sense to save paternity leave for later, when the baby was more active, and going longer between feeds.

We split paternity leave, with 2 weeks straight after the birth and 4 at about 5 months.

I had c sections - first one emergency then 2 planned ones.

I didn't need DH to be off while I was in hospital after the day of the birth.

I did need him for about 7 the days after I got home because of csection recovery. I would have been ok if he'd left me with everything i needed in reach in the morning and come home with food after work.

After that with dc1 he went back to work and as I breastfed he'd have just been sitting about in those early cluster feeding days. With dc2 and 3 it was different as there were toddlers to look after obviously.

6-12 weeks depending on how traumatic or easy the birth was. You did say in an ideal world....

Sorry thats garbled, I tried to delete and rewrite a paragraph and it obviously went a bit pear shaped!

DH was off for about 4 weeks with paternity leave and holiday which I really appreciated as those first few weeks were hard!

It depends on the man. Mine was as useful as tits on a bull. He’s improved with time but wasn’t any help initially. Would have much preferred my mother get 7 days off or so. Grand parent leave.

DC1 DH had 2 weeks paternity, 2 weeks holiday and 2 (possibly 3 I can’t remember) family days. I was thoroughly fed up of him and think 2 weeks would have been enough.

DC2 I was in hospital with baby until she was 2 weeks old, he started his paternity when I left hospital, and had 2 weeks. After having a c-section this time and a toddler, I’d have liked him to have taken longer, but we had holidays booked later in the year he needed the days for.

We're not in the UK, DH is taking off 4 months (late August til xmas) then over new year using annual leave.

We are enjoying it so much he's going to go back 3 days per week for the following year. I'll either go back to my old job which is 7-10h/w at about 8 months I think or I'm applying for stuff I can do from home.

Bit of a change from DC1 where I was totally on my own as XP did nothing!

Depends on the circumstances really.

DC1 was prem so DH used up his leave visiting re SCBU even working half days during this time. It meant that from the day DC came home I was on my own. It was fine but just a bit sad we didn't get to do things together, especially as we'd been through so many mc before DC.

DC2, DH managed to take about a week (director so no formal 2 week leave) and that felt like a real treat as he had it when DC2 was actually home. He WFH for parts of those days but it was still nice to have the time together and get out for walks etc.

I think a week or 2 is plenty. I wouldn't have wanted DH to use his annual leave to take longer as it's nicer to have the odd day off later or time to go on holiday with both DC.

I was incredibly lucky as dh is a teacher so had 2 weeks paternity, a week and a half back at school then 7 weeks off. Obviously that's an unusual situation but I really feel it helped bond us as a family and increased his confidence/feelings of being equal in parenting.

He had 6 months pat leave. I went back part time after 3.5months. He really valued the time with our daughter, it's resulted in an amazing bond and we had a wonderful time as a family together.

My dh is self employed. He took 2 full weeks and then eased back part time for the next 2 weeks or so in order to help me with the school run, homework, etc with our older one. I would aim for something similar and see how it goes. With our first, we had a lot more issues and I was a bit unwell so he ended up taking 4 full weeks off as I really needed the help and we had no one else.

Oddly, I've just been watching a programme about 7 families with newborns, in Wales (it is a series, following them through over a few weeks). the one Mum there was SO glad when her dh went back - it was so much calmer

Back to my life, my dh didn't have 'two weeks off' but he was able to be much more flexible with his hours for a few weeks (not self employed, but work is counted in 'what gets done' and not 'hours attended' so he sort of spread his paternity leave over a longer period of time. I'd definitely recommend that, much more useful than being there 24/7 for 2 week,s then suddenly being out the house for 9 - 10 hours is a big change.
If he is self employed (obviously depends to some extent on the work) but couldn't he just book jobs in for shorter days for a while, rather than not working at all. Does it have to be 'all or nothing' ?

A teacher I worked with spread his 2 weeks over a longer period of time by coming in for every morning, and the school paid a supply teacher for the afternoons - it meant he kept on with the literacy / numeracy / pastoral side / and some other subjects, and his wife was only 'on her own with the baby' for shorter numbers of hours, and got support for a month rather than a fortnight.

DH took 2 weeks off when DD was first born, then 2 months off through SPL when she was 6 months old.

We had such an amazing summer together as a family.

4 weeks and i was so ready for him to go back to work!! 😂

Ideally I would have liked him off for 3 or 4 weeks at the beginning and then come back and after 6 months and done the rest so I could go back to work. Or a 50/50 job share. What we actually did was a 20/80 job share which was nice, but I could have done with more time at work and dh with more time at home.

Our plan was four weeks - PA and AL but DS decided he really liked hospital so DH went back after two weeks.

I think if you can save for a month and he won't lose any long term business do so. Otherwise two weeks full, three weeks part time?

DP worked from home the first week as DD came exactly a week early and he had things to tie up. Then two weeks off on paternity, then back to work for three days a week and working from home two days a week. Pretty ideal really.

DC 1 DH had standard 2 weeks that was available at the time. Was fine as birth was long but ok and I was sax up and walking around next day.

DC 2 he had 2 weeks at beginning, then took 3 months at end with SPL when I returned to work. That was really good as DC2 and DH had this time on their own to bond and it increased DH confidence fivefold. It was also amazing having him at home when I returned to work as was still breastfeeding through the night and having him totally rake over at home really home ( so much so would now live a stay at home DW myself )
Am pregnant with number 3 and we are planning for same scenario with this baby.