In an ideal world (paternal leave)

[crackerslikejacobs]

Not due until April but as my DH is self employed and will get no paternity pay we're trying to work that into our sort of savings plan.

I'm just wondering, in an ideal world, how long would you have liked your partners to have been off for?

Or, has anyone had their partners off for a long time and wanted them to go back to work haha?

Thanks!

My husband went back this week after 2 weeks of paternity. I was so scared of him going back and wished he'd had longer BUT now he's back im glad he went back when he did as I would have found it even harder if he had of had longer off. He has been home early every evening this week though instead of doing lots of overtime which he would usually do so that has been a relief

I'm due on 9 November and we are hoping DH will be able to have then until the New Year off which is about six weeks, using a combination of paid paternity leave and annual leave he has saved up.

If baby comes early we may need to use some shared parental leave.

Dd1. She was born on the Wednesday.he went back to work on Monday!
Dd2 we saved and he took 2 weeks off.
Dd3 he took 2 weeks off,back for 2 weeks then off for Xmas.
Self employed.

My dh didn't qualify for any paternity leave so just got 2 days off. He's a teacher so couldn't take holiday or unpaid leave. Luckily half term was only a week and a half away and I coped until then. 3 weeks sounds amazing to me!

I'm pregnant with my first and by DH work has let him take 2 weeks AL after his 2 weeks paternity leave which is good of them as obviously he can't predict when those weeks will be. A month I think is perfect

With first dd, My dh only had a week! ( this was 24 yrs ago and he had to use up annual leave thanks nhs ) I ended up with an emergency cs and dd was in NICU for 48 hrs
We lived in a top floor tenement flat , with no lift, so I ended up going to spend 4 weeks at my dm ...not ideal as she lived 70 miles away but I had no other option as dh had no choice but to return to work ( medical staff)
When Ds was born 5 yrs later , my husband was off work , long term sick , and was a gem looking after me and our other 2 dds as I established bf

First time round he had about 4 wks (mix of paternity and annual leave). This time similar but we are sharing parental leave (me 6 months , him 3 months). I'm likely to go back to a new role at work - and knowing that he'll be home and I won't have to stress too much about childcare and house responsibilities is really great and much better than last time

You’re all lucky!

With DD1, I had her on the Thursday, he went back to work on the Tuesday. It would have been Monday, but it was a bank holiday.

With DD2, I had her by C section on the Monday, came home on the Friday and DH went back to work on the Monday. He dropped DD1 at school, and the grandparents used to pick her up and look after her for the afternoon for a few weeks until I could drive.

With ds1 we could only afford dh to be off one week. Which turned out shit as I was induced Monday morning, ds didn’t arrive till weds afternoon and I had a 3rd degree tear and was kept in till Sunday evening. So he drove me home got me into bed then got up and flew to America on the Monday morning. I could hardly move and had this baby and no one to help.

With ds2 I had placenta previa and was in hospital from 29 weeks. This meant he took the maximum 3 weeks and all his annual leave but before the baby was born, so to look after our 22 month old. He drove me home after my section and went off to work the next day leaving me barely able to move and with a new born and a just 2 year old with asd.

With dd1 he had 1 week as we couldn’t afford to take the statutory pay and we hired a nanny as I had to have a section and I then had a just 4yr old and 2 year old to look after too.

I think in an ideal world paternity should be one year shared equally between parents. It should be mandatory for the father to take the time, then the workplace would be more equal.
Having a baby wouldn't mean being overlooked for promotion due to taking mat leave, men would be treated the same.

The problem everyone I know has with paternity leave is not the amount they are entitled to take but the statutory pay. Even if the dh could technically take longer off they wouldn’t take it because the loss of wages is so massive.

I think it was something like £119 per week when she had his last week off. Who can afford to drop to that if you already have a sahm earning nothing? 2 weeks off would mean half a months income gone.

DH gets 6 weeks at full pay which i know is pretty good. However he’s quite senior in an industry which still believes in ‘presenteeism’, and there’s also the concern that his bonus would be reduced if he took too much time off, so I know he won’t take the full 6 weeks.

DH took 2 weeks with DS. For the next baby he'll probably take 2 weeks again plus hopefully a week or 2 AL.

If we could afford it I think it'd be nice for DH to get a month or 2 of SPL at the end...wouldn't want to do it any earlier then about 10 months personally as I don't fancy expressing.

My husbands work give him four weeks fully paid paternity leave and it was needed, it was nice to have him help with our eldest son and help me catch up on sleep during the day. I don’t think two weeks would of been enough.

We have 3 DC. Each time, DH had the 2 weeks off at statutory rate, then back to work for a week, then another week of AL. It was enough, but I did love having him around. Especially with DD1, that time was really special - we just spent it eating cream cakes and napping together. Obviously with older DC to consider it's different, but still nice!

This time I'm due in March so DH will have the 2 weeks statutory paternity leave and then the annual leave will depend on when baby arrives and when Easter (and school holidays) fall. He's planning to have 2-4 weeks Shared Parental Leave in August too depending on what we can afford.

For context, I had long labours but vaginal deliveries with no birth injuries, came home within 6-12 hours each time, driving straight away, so I'd have coped with less but it was certainly a "nice to have".

With DS1, he started paternity leave on the Monday after he was born (born Sunday), planned two week from then but DS had meningitis so we were in for 11 days. Oh decided to go back after first week and take second week once we were home.

2nd time he had two weeks immediately after birth. Then back to normal school run life with a 3yr old.

In an ideal world, OH would have much more time off. Two weeks is not enough although we couldn’t have done more on statutory pay. 6weeks would be better but paid

DH will have 2 weeks when baby arrives then we’re doing 6 months each. We’re both keen to get a turn at home with baby.

The problem everyone I know has with paternity leave is not the amount they are entitled to take but the statutory pay. Even if the dh could technically take longer off they wouldn’t take it because the loss of wages is so massive.

Yep. I was pregnant the first time my DH started talking about shared parental leave and how he'd love to have time off to care for/bond with the baby. I was stunned that he thought we could afford that.

Turns out he had no idea what the statutory pay for maternity/paternity was, and when he knew the numbers (his salary is higher than mine) he actually took zero parental leave. Not a single day. (I was pretty unhappy about that and have insisted we save so he can take at least the two weeks the second time round).

Yes I think saving is the only way to do it. Lots of women take a year's maternity which usually involves some reduction from full pay and often no pay for at least a few months. So for men to have time at home too it might require women to have shorter mat leave.

It depends on what you want from pat leave. If you want help at home immediately after the birth that’s a different thing from wanting to share a year of childcare with your dh while you return to work.

If you already are a sahp or are not planning to return to work then the money issue is different from if you are both juggling 2 salaries.

I think ignorance of how much is statutory is often a case for people. I used to work in hr and loads of people (men and women) thought mat/pat leave was full pay. They were often very shocked when I explained the amounts that they were entitled to.

Not sure about other companies but dh has always worked for American companies who offer everyone the same statutory minimum regardless of their position. And they even feel that is too much. One boss told me it was socialism gone mad and felt anything more than 10 days annual leave a year was a ridiculous notion that hobbled companies.

Yes - but ultimately it's a luxury to have 2 parents at home at any time so it depends how high you want to prioritise it. Some employers do give a few weeks paternity at full pay. Beyond that the options are saving annual leave or money and then taking the hit pay-wise.

Yes, it seems a luxury perhaps when you don’t need any recovery time. When you have major abdominal surgery or have 3rd/4th degree tearing you need more help. What if you have no one else?

I think there should be some extra leave for paternity if there is a c-section or complications.

This is where having a reasonable employee helps who will be flexible about taking more annual leave/working from home in these circumstances. But still employees need to be sensible and hold additional annual leave in contingency just in case more support at home is needed

First baby: DH had 2 weeks off but was then made redundant.

Second baby: he went back the day after I came home. So I had a newborn and a 17m old to look after myself!

Third: he had 6 days off.