My dog isn't adjusting to our baby

[CH1994]

Needing some advice in regards to my 2 year old dog, he has always been a very clingy needy dog that would follow you everywhere but since having our daughter 4 months ago his behaviour has got so much worse and when he is not the centre of attention he whines and looks at you with the most depressed face or pushes and nudges at you for attention.

For weeks now I have said he will adjust in time but if anything he has actually got worse, it has got to the point I have to keep him in a separate room most of the time albeit he will whine all day there to, when I am interacting with my daughter he whines or comes and licks me looking for attention and tries to push himself in the middle and he now does it with my partner and I even when we talk if he's not up on our laps he will whine under his breath. I have tried involving him with the baby and tried to let him sit with me when I give her a bottle etc but he just nudges and tries to climb over the top of her. He is so jealous and constantly wants attention! You could sit and stroke/play with him/walk him for an hour and he will still whine when because the attentions not on him, he literally wants attention on him 24/7 no exaggeration. A few weeks ago now he was sniffing the baby while she was on her mat (closely supervised) and I thought oh good we are making progress but then he turned around and tried to sit on her!! The problem I'm finding with him is he thinks he should be number 1 and if you give him an inch he takes a mile and I never want him to think he's above the baby cause that will certainly never be the case!!

I am at my whits in as you can imagine being stuck at home on maternity with a 4 month old and a dog that is constantly looking for attention and whines wherever you put him or aren't giving him complete and utter love is rather draining! I personally would look at rehoming him as I don't feel he is adjusting well nor is happy and I don't want that for him, but I don't want family etc getting on at me as a dog is for life which I understand completely but he just seems so miserable and is often put into another room/garden as he just can't behave when the baby is about! And as awful as it sounds he is no longer a joy to have around but just a total burden and a hassle, although I have suffered mildly with postnatal depression so I'm unsure if this is why I feel this way about him at the moment.

Any advice on this would be so much appreciated as I feel I have tried everything from ignoring him when he whines to telling him of to letting him be involved with the baby but nothing seems to work! 😩 Thanks in advance!

'd also like to add that I can't even really invite people round the house because if you put him out of the room he yelps the whole time and if you have him in the room he bounds all over the guests jumping up in there face licking at them and just genuinely being far too over excitable and he doesn't seem to settle after a few minutes (the longest I've given him as you can see he really annoys people when they come in as he will try stick his tongue in your mouth chew at your ears the works!! 🙄) that it is almost like look at me and not the baby as again he never used to be anywhere near as bad as this!! I just don't know what to do!!

www.aspca.org/pet-care/dog-care/dogs-and-babies

You need to train the behavior you want from him, lots of resources for training on google

In the meantime when you lock him out of the room can you give him a tasty bone/stuffed kong etc? something to a)take his mind off being away from you and b)create a positive association with being shut out.

He needs training - these behaviours can certainly definitely be trained into him. You can train calm, you can train "four paws on the floor" etc when people come in the house. But it will take a massive effort and consistency on your behalf.

I would absolutely not judge you if you could not do this and decided to rehome him. Better he goes to a home where he can get the attention and training he needs than to stay in a situation where everyone is miserable.

If you can't stop the behaviour soon your baby will be crawling and toddling and it will be unmanageable so I think you need to decide, and then act on that decision.

You also might want to post in the Doghouse in the Pets section for more training ideas.

How’s did you treat the dogs before the baby cane? Did you respond to his demands for attention and ‘baby’ him?

What training and preparation did you do with him before the baby arrived?

This behaviour sounds very treatable but we need more context on what his ‘normal’ was before baby, and what you’ve done

Thank you guys! I understand the training I've had dogs before and managed to train them very well! I don't know if it's just his breed he is a very challenging little dog! He has the best wee personality and is so well behaved in some aspects i.e knows he's not allowed on the beds, will go through to his bed when we have our dinner (don't like mooching) but he is very much a Velcro dog and I've not got much experience with that at all and it's very hard work! I did get in touch with a dog trainer and she told me to do the kong long walks etc but sadly as soon as the kong/walk is done he's back to demanding attention! Don't get me wrong he does get loved still but he doesn't understand you can't dote on him 24/7!

What happens when the next people who regime the dog have a baby?

Thing is there aren’t a limitless amount of homes out there. It’s a shitty thing to do, to be honest.

Personally if you haven’t got the time or the patience to train him you have no choice but to rehome. He may also be picking up on your anxiety.

How’s did you treat the dogs before the baby cane? Did you respond to his demands for attention and ‘baby’ him?

What training and preparation did you do with him before the baby arrived?

Obviously, if you had to re-home him you'd explain the reason why. He's very affectionate and attention seeking. That would be ideal for a person living on their own and who wants company. And they'd have time to devote to training him. Your home probably isn't suitable if you haven't got the time, especially with a new baby.

Continuallychargingmyphone are you in my shoes? No so thanks for the very unhelpful critical judgement! I actually love the dog very much and it would break my heart to get rid of him but what's the point in him being miserable at being second best the rest of his life? And I wouldn't dump him on anybody I would very much find a home according to his needs! I was asking for advice to manage this behaviour and not criticism as again your not me and your not in my shoes!

Yes the dog was very much babied probably before the baby arrived he still get love just not all the time

Also before the baby we did her room etc and he was always in and out having a sniff, we did gradual changes and slowly introduced things and left the pram etc sitting out for him to see got him trained to not jump on the beds etc

Well no, obviously I am not you, but then if you only want posts from people who ARE you then it somewhat nulls the point of posting here.

The point is that there are not a limited number of homes with just adults available. And many of those will already have dogs.

Life changes. That’s the only thing we can be certain of - nothing will stay the same. Your dog should be part of that change and I would not be rehoming a dog because he got on my nerves effectively. But clearly that’s what you plan to do.

What sort of dog is he? Could you contact the breed rescue?

Single has a very good point. Sometimes we have to put our feelings to the side.

I was in a similar situation with our dog. She was 4 years old. She did not react well to our son at all. It was quite distressing. She did settle after time but as our son got bigger she became nervous of him, she was always in the kitchen away from him as he would try to get at her and she was terrified, she was also very highly strung even before we had him, she was clingy, anxious, very needy. The wind would blow and she would scream the place down.

In the end, I decided to rehome her. It has been the most toughest decision of my life and how I managed to drive her to her new owner I have no idea. It has been 6 months now and not a day goes by that I don't miss her. I am in contact with her new owner daily who worships the ground she walks on and I can see she has her 'spark' back that she had before our baby came along. She also brings her new owner so much joy it's wonderful.

I will get flamed for this, I know. But, I honestly believe I did it for my dog's benefit, she deserved better and I constantly felt like I was short-changing her. She was my best friend who I loved ever so much but I could see the sadness in her eyes. Sometimes, we have to do the right thing by them.

I am not sure I will ever get another dog as my heart was broken by the decision.

@ohdeardeardear yeahs it definitely would be the hardest decision but it's getting to the point I need to think of his happiness! I will give it some more time I think and see how they go as the baby gets older and interacts with him! Thank you for understand and not shooting me down 😂 we are just currently in a situation where I'm not happy and he's not happy so what kind of situation is that for everyone to live with! I honestly never expected his reaction to be quiet like what it has been with the babas arrival and every few weeks I say I'm sure he'll adapt soon but it just doesn't seem to be happening if anything it's getting worse! Also some days you feel like you've given all your energy to the baby you can't face anything else you just want half an hour on your own! (I'll get shot down for that comment also but meh I'm being honest as a new mum!!)

Ok so from the dog’s point of view he was raised in a home where he was very much babied, given attention on demand, and not trained to relax when alone or self soothe, or be calm around visitors. You don’t ‘have’ a Velcro dog- you created him, because at that time it was cute for you. You have consistently trained and reinforced the behaviours he is showing, it’s not him that has changed the goalposts since the baby arrived - it’s you, and her doesn’t understand why the behaviours you have spent his whole life encouraging, are suddenly annoying.

If you care about the dog as much as you say you do then you need to start taking responsibility for his lack of appropriate training and recognise that you’ve turned his world upside down without properly preparing him for it. He needs: training in calm, quiet behaviours, training in appropriate visitor interactions, and training in positive separation experiences. These are all normal elements of basic dog training and should have been done from day one. It will be harder now as he has to unlearn alll of his previous behaviour but he sounds like a pretty good dog if you’re willing to put the effort in.

Rehoming is likely to result in even more stress and anxiety and massively increase the risk of problems like separation anxiety which in turn often results in more rehoming.

Not helpful, veterinari

Absolutely true and more sympathetically put than I'd have managed, Veterinari.

He thought he was a baby because you treated him just like one. I think he's being very decent if all he's doing is whining and trying to put himself into his old position.

How was vetes post unhelpful?

Singlenotsingle why not helpful? if reading that stops someone else making the same mistakes then it is helpful.

OP, I think you should rehome the dog, but do it through a breed rescue and while you are waiting for the right owners maybe get a behaviourist in.

Although sad, no judgement from me, a new baby is tough and pets will take second place for the majority of people - that's life. I personally think you would more unkind keeping the dog.

I'm of no help really but all I know is some friends had a little dog who was their baby, got all their attention etc and when new baby came he didn't handle it well, he finally snapped close to the baby once so they have re-homed the dog with their parents so they can still see him and they hope one day when baby is older the dog will be able to go back and live with them again. Not an option for many people I know, but it's an idea if you had someone willing to look after the dog for you. Less confusing for the dog as he still sees his owners regularly and he already knew the people who he now lives with