My dog isn't adjusting to our baby

[CH1994]

Needing some advice in regards to my 2 year old dog, he has always been a very clingy needy dog that would follow you everywhere but since having our daughter 4 months ago his behaviour has got so much worse and when he is not the centre of attention he whines and looks at you with the most depressed face or pushes and nudges at you for attention.

For weeks now I have said he will adjust in time but if anything he has actually got worse, it has got to the point I have to keep him in a separate room most of the time albeit he will whine all day there to, when I am interacting with my daughter he whines or comes and licks me looking for attention and tries to push himself in the middle and he now does it with my partner and I even when we talk if he's not up on our laps he will whine under his breath. I have tried involving him with the baby and tried to let him sit with me when I give her a bottle etc but he just nudges and tries to climb over the top of her. He is so jealous and constantly wants attention! You could sit and stroke/play with him/walk him for an hour and he will still whine when because the attentions not on him, he literally wants attention on him 24/7 no exaggeration. A few weeks ago now he was sniffing the baby while she was on her mat (closely supervised) and I thought oh good we are making progress but then he turned around and tried to sit on her!! The problem I'm finding with him is he thinks he should be number 1 and if you give him an inch he takes a mile and I never want him to think he's above the baby cause that will certainly never be the case!!

I am at my whits in as you can imagine being stuck at home on maternity with a 4 month old and a dog that is constantly looking for attention and whines wherever you put him or aren't giving him complete and utter love is rather draining! I personally would look at rehoming him as I don't feel he is adjusting well nor is happy and I don't want that for him, but I don't want family etc getting on at me as a dog is for life which I understand completely but he just seems so miserable and is often put into another room/garden as he just can't behave when the baby is about! And as awful as it sounds he is no longer a joy to have around but just a total burden and a hassle, although I have suffered mildly with postnatal depression so I'm unsure if this is why I feel this way about him at the moment.

Any advice on this would be so much appreciated as I feel I have tried everything from ignoring him when he whines to telling him of to letting him be involved with the baby but nothing seems to work! 😩 Thanks in advance!

Veterinari's advice is spot on. And a lot more balanced than singlenotsingle's how to re-home him advice.

What breed is he? Your use of the word velcro immediately makes me think Vizsla. In which case, you CAN train him out of it, but it will take time.

I agree with Vet and I think it was sympathetically put.

You can train calm, you can train positive separation, you can train behaviour around people in the house. Some dogs take longer to train, need different methods to ones that have worked with your other dogs, even if you're an "experienced" owner.

My dog has faults she needs consistent training to help solve. I will hold my hands up and say that some days it is easier not to bother and my DC are older. I get tired, it's another thing to think of, another responsibility. None of my dog's faults are quite comparable though. I could not have contemplated training a dog consistently and fairly over the long haul when I had a 4-month-old baby. The OP wasn't able to do it for her dog when she had no children to think of, so therefore I think an appropriate re-homing would be the absolute best for this dog.

OP has already had the advice of a dog trainer and it hasn't helped her - that's usually down to not being consistent and committed to the training the dog needs. It's nearly always the owner's fault, unfortunately!

I know there are a limited amount of homes, but you have to consider is it best for the dog and the family to persevere or to admit that you cannot cope. It should not be taken lightly, and you should never "dump" a dog in rescue, but it's better than making an already poor situation worse through inaction. You have to recognise your limits and be very honest about whether you love the dog enough to really invest all the time and emotional energy into its training. If the answer is no, I can't right now, then the dog deserves better.

I will give it some more time I think and see how they go as the baby gets older and interacts with him!

You need to train, train, train or it will get worse. You can't really see how it goes. You need a plan.

@OnceUponATimeInAmerica he is a. Ross of JRT,Cairn terrier and poodle.

Some people are so beyond judgy and critical on this I am in no means a bad dog owner he gets regular walks has plenty toys and still gets loved, I could walk him for hours and he would still come home and whine for attention! I have tried a number of ways to correct this none of which have worked even before the baby he would cry when he was left outside but it was no where near as bad as what it is now plus I was a lot more busy then working etc so probably didn't notice the issue as much! For example I thought right I'll ignore his whining and let him in and give him a treat when he's quiet (rewarding the good behaviour) 3.5 hours later and I was STILL waiting for him to stop whining. I was looking for some advice and perhaps constructive criticism not just full on putting me down when all I am is a new mum looking for a little bit of advice during a bit of a rough time i.e dealing with a baby and a dog that constantly wants to be in your face! If you could try it for yourself you'd find it's pretty bloody draining!

I’m afraid I agree with Vet. You babied the dog and the poor thing can’t understand the change now.
Dogs need training and mental stimulation as well as walking.

Would you consider another behaviourist? Can you afford to send him out with a dog walker to give yourself a bit of a break? Have you tried things to reduce his anxiety like Adaptil or Zylkene?

Is he better when completely exhausted? I mean a 20km bike ride with him running along side not just a long walk!

I fear in the long term the only answer is training and more training. He will also improve with age, our dog sleeps virtually all the time now and calms down so much quicker than when she was 2!!

For example I thought right I'll ignore his whining and let him in and give him a treat when he's quiet (rewarding the good behaviour) 3.5 hours later and I was STILL waiting for him to stop whining. I was looking for some advice and perhaps constructive criticism not just full on putting me down when all I am is a new mum looking for a little bit of advice during a bit of a rough time

Advice/constructive criticism:
Reward the good behaviour is good, but you have to 'capture' or 'catch' the good behaviour the moment it happens, even if it is only momentary.

So to reward him for not whining, you'd need to stand by the door with him and wait for a momentary pause in the whining, then treat immediately (or use a clicker and treat). It is time consuming and you need patience and time.

You can't expect him to stop whining before he knows there is a reward coming for not whining.

Google clicker training.

I am not judging you or being mean. I don't think you have the time or emotional resources to train this dog.

We had similar behaviour from our dog, minus the baby part. Clingy, constantly whining, climbing over people, getting herself in the way when we were trying to do something. We paid for our trainer to come out for a 1-1 session on top of normal obedience, they watched us at home and said that because she was small and cute compared to our other dogs, we allowed her to get away with too much, that her following us from room to room and always being by our feet was her version of defensive behaviour trying to get all her family back in one place so she could guard us, that every time we sat down and she was by our feet she was guarding, and whenever we walked around we would chat to her, giving her attention and reinforcing the behaviour unintentionally. Once he explained we started to see for ourselves how much we had contributed. He gave us exercises where every time we sat down she had to go to her bed, in the same room but not by our feet. Whenever we left the room she had to stay where she was unless invited. No more herding us, no more guarding. She calmed almost instantly although learning the new behaviour took a lot of time. But once she learned what was now expected of her she no longer felt the need to follow us around and was much happier.

CH1994

No one has said that you fon’t Love him, walk him or give him toys. However what you have clearly not done is train him properly or prepare him appropriately for the baby’s arrival. You can still address those issues but only if you’re will to listen and take some of our comments on board.