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Original poster

So stressed about feeding my baby

42 replies

Alicia870 · 23/10/2018 14:49

I posted on here recently about making decision to switch from breast to formula for my almost 3 week old.
Since that post I've still managed to keep breastfeeding with one formula bottle at night. I'm so torn and stressed over how to feed her and just can't seem to make my mind up as to what to do

For some reason, I just hate breastfeeding. I'm just being honest. I will never be confident enough to feed in public, it's just not going to happen.so I feel extremely isolated and tied to my sofa which is really affecting my mood. I can't imagine going on this way for weeks or months on end.I feel so exhausted with the relentlessness of it. I'm absolutely shattered and really feel like I'm not enjoying my baby girl as much as I would be if I didn't have the physical demands of feeding her myself and being the only one who can do it. It's not making me happy and I have this voice just saying give her formula from now on, but still can't seem to make the leap

I feel so hideously guilty and like a failure if I give up. I know breast is best and want to try for my baby but doesn't the mother matter too? I just feel so much pressure to bf even though I really don't like it. My motivation to bf is so low so I know i don't want to joint groups etc. I just don't have the drive to commit to that. Does anyone have any advice or experience on switching? Positive stories?

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MarthasGinYard · 23/10/2018 14:53

'For some reason, I just hate breastfeeding.'

So don't do it and just crack on with enjoying your dc.

Don't spend months holed in worrying about it.

Formula is bloody amazing stuff.

MarthasGinYard · 23/10/2018 15:00

No personal experience no as we extremely successfully FF from birth.

My friend of over 20 years on the other hand was suffering awful guilt as you describe and barely leaving the house as continually tired etc.

Once she switched she was like a new bloody woman.

Nothisispatrick · 23/10/2018 15:05

I’m in the same boat OP, DD is 3 weeks and 3 days. I also hate being tied to the sofa and find bfing pretty boring. Also using nipple shields to help her latch so can’t really do it in public discreetly.

We are now in a pretty good routine of bfing, bottles at night and when out, and expressing when I get the chance. Using the expressed milk in a bottle when there’s enough or formula when not. It is more work for us but it’s working for the time being. DD is gaining weight so well and seems happy so I’m going to stick with the combi feeding rather than try EBF.

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0-3 months old Babies & sleep Breast & bottle feeding Families

Original poster

Alicia870 · 23/10/2018 15:10

Thanks guys. That's really good to hear. Can I ask when you feed with bottles at night or when out do you find you get very full and sore? Or do you express a lot? I express occasionally but again find that exhausting as I feel like I'm either feeding or pumping!

OP posts:

ineedwine99 · 23/10/2018 15:13

If your not happy OP switch, you don't need any added stress, enjoy your lovely baby :-)

Needlemaker · 23/10/2018 15:20

Fed is best no matter how it's achieved

Though I would suggest slowly upping bottles so your not uncomfortable if you give a bedtime bottle then maybe introduce a mid morning one to begin with and slowly add more

Willow4987 · 23/10/2018 15:25

Do what’s best for you and your family.

I too didn’t enjoy breastfeeding and switched to formula at 6 weeks. I haven’t looked back and it was the best decision for us as a family

If you do decide to switch, gradually add in the bottles, adding more in every few days. This gives your body time to reduce milk production so you don’t get engorged etc

GeoffreysCat · 23/10/2018 15:29

I know this feels like the most important thing in the world to you right now and you are feeling incredibly conflicted but honestly it is such a minor and inconsequential part of child raising. In a few years time you will not give any thought as to whether they were breast or bottle fed (but I can guarantee you will probably be worrying about something else - such is parenting!) and equally a year down the line no health professional will be asking you how you are feeling them.

If you hate breastfeeding and it is affecting your mood then bottle feed. Your child will not suffer being fed formula but will feel the effects of an unhappy mum. I can guarantee that the guilt you are feeling at not breastfeeding will disappear after a couple of weeks when you feel so much happier. Yes, breast is best but not to the detriment of your mental health.

GeoffreysCat · 23/10/2018 15:30

feeding them

Original poster

Alicia870 · 23/10/2018 15:30

You are all so supportive - thank you so much 😭 this type of support is exactly what I need

OP posts:

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 23/10/2018 15:34

Whilst i really enjoyed bf'ing and encourage anyone to try, If you arent enjoying it and its affecting your mood then please dont do it.
Also re: pumping i never understood the bloody point. The idea is that it saves you endless time chained to your baby, when your just chained to a pump that is incredibly slow...eugh i hated mine, worst money i ever spent.

CaptSkippy · 23/10/2018 15:36

It's not good for your child at any age if you are feeling like crap. Sometimes it can't be helped, but this you can help. Start switching over to formal and be a good example to your baby for how to enjoy life.

DrWhy · 23/10/2018 15:38

I’m one of those lucky folk who sailed through breastfeeding, was quite happy out and about and I still found being so tied to DS and the only one who could do the night feeds relentless and exhausting, I’m planning to introduce a bottle way earlier with this one so we don’t end up with bottle refusal issues. Really, do what’s best for you. If mix feeding is working for you carry on, if you want to stop breastfeeding altogether then do - although slowly as someone else has said.
Yes, there are lots of pros to breastfeeding but do they outweigh having a mother that enjoys the company of her baby - I doubt it.

MarthasGinYard · 23/10/2018 15:39

'but honestly it is such a minor and inconsequential part of child raising.'

So true

It really is Op

everything seems so hugely magnified as a new mum. What to feed, how to feed, which bottle, cup,sleep, how to nap, sleeping bags, how to play, socialise baby, bath, everything.

Gosh I was practically neurotic and walked around armed with a detox bottle poised in squirt mode for the first year Op.

Enjoy your baby and try and relax a little Op.

Luxembourgmama · 23/10/2018 15:41

IF you hate it quit. You should enjoy your time with your baby. AS someone else said its so inconsequential in the big picture of being a parent. Mine is 2.5 now and i see how unimportant the whole feeding debate really was. I was also incredibly stressed and upset about all the pressure when i was pregnant.

TidyLike · 23/10/2018 15:44

I agree with everyone here. New mums have to deal with so much guilt. BFing is ideal ... I was kind of evangelical about BF my two, but they are 7 and 8 now and no more or less strong and smart than my FF nephew. There are so many variables that determine what a child will be like - focus of those that you can do without making yourself miserable 💗

BertrandRussell · 23/10/2018 15:48

If it's making you unhappy, stop. The vast majority of babies are bottle fed by 3 weeks- it will be absolutely fine. Best to tail off gradually- don't just stop suddenly or you'll be sore. Someone will be along in a minute with advice about how to do it.

HenryInTheTunnel · 23/10/2018 15:51

I could have written your post when my son was that age. I hated breast feeding and felt like a crap mum for not wanting to continue breastfeeding.

Bottle feeding made me a better parent. I began to enjoy his awake time more. I began going out more often and for longer. DH was able to do more so that i could get some time to myself in the evenings (and he became more confident looking after DS by himself).

It was the right decision for us and i do not regret it. It also has not put me off trying bfing again if i were to have another baby to see how i get along with it next time.

DAMJ · 23/10/2018 15:54

I EBF for 6 weeks and looking back I wished I'd stopped after 3. I felt isolated and captive in my own home because I wasn't confident to feed in public places. Don't feel guilty about choosing to FF, I honestly haven't looked back. My DS is 7 month old now and we get out most days, I just make a feed up before we go or I use ready made small bottles of formula. The consistency is a little different to his normal formula at home but he doesn't mind. He drinks them at room temp too so is really easy. I am so much happier now having made the choice. EBF for as long as you have is a definite achievement in itself, it's the hardest time at the beginning whilst your body is still recovering. Give yourself a pat on the back and more importantly give yourself a break you deserve it. Whatever you decide it's important for it suit both you and your child equally

LemonBreeland · 23/10/2018 15:57

I struggled with breastfeeding with my first. I lasted 2 weeks and was in agony every time. I had to steel myself to feed him. Best thing I did was giving up and being able to enjoy my baby.

I did go on to successfully breastfeed my others, so I'm not at all anti breastfeeding, but you need to do what is best for you too.

DAMJ · 23/10/2018 15:57

I did feel a little engorged for the first few nights after bottle feeding but I just expressed a little and my milk stopped coming in quite quickly (within a week I'd say) it's amazing how your body understands when you decide to stop!

Rebecca36 · 23/10/2018 16:09

Your baby will have received plenty of antibodies, there's no need for you to feel guilty about bottle feeding. I was like you but struggled for five to six weeks, felt like death. Once I changed to formula both mother and baby were more content.

Different strokes for different folks, do what is right for you and your little one.

LynseyLou1982 · 23/10/2018 16:26

OP please don't feel guilty. I was just like you 8 months ago with my little boy. He had tongue the wouldn't latch and u was also using nipple shields. I loathed every single minute of breastfeeding. I didn't go out invade I had to feed I'm public and I hated being the only one go could do it. I cried all day sometimes as I barely left the sofa and I really resented my DP as I watched him sleeping soundly whilst I was up for the 3rd time at 3am. I plotted on till he was 8 weeks but when it got to the point where I was sobbing in the shower just to get 5 mins to myself I thought "stuff this crap" I talked to my DP and the next day he bought me a tommee tippee perfect prep machine and we've never looked back. I'm much happier now and my little boy is perfectly happy on formula and is thriving. My only regret is that I didn't switch sooner so I couldve enjoyed his newborn days a bit more.

LynseyLou1982 · 23/10/2018 16:28

God sorry for all the typos! Said little boy is trying to grab my phone

Original poster

Alicia870 · 23/10/2018 16:38

Thanks ladies - I appreciate your support very much and feel so much better now. Every time I googled 'I hate breastfeeding' a lot of posts on forums would be filled with people trying to encourage the mother to keep going with it. It kind of feels like there is this attitude that if it's physically working, rheee is absolutely no reason not to continue. But even the thought of not having to bf anymore makes me feel so free and happy. I think I will try to gradually phase out

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