So stressed about feeding my baby

[Alicia870]

I posted on here recently about making decision to switch from breast to formula for my almost 3 week old.
Since that post I've still managed to keep breastfeeding with one formula bottle at night. I'm so torn and stressed over how to feed her and just can't seem to make my mind up as to what to do

For some reason, I just hate breastfeeding. I'm just being honest. I will never be confident enough to feed in public, it's just not going to happen.so I feel extremely isolated and tied to my sofa which is really affecting my mood. I can't imagine going on this way for weeks or months on end.I feel so exhausted with the relentlessness of it. I'm absolutely shattered and really feel like I'm not enjoying my baby girl as much as I would be if I didn't have the physical demands of feeding her myself and being the only one who can do it. It's not making me happy and I have this voice just saying give her formula from now on, but still can't seem to make the leap

I feel so hideously guilty and like a failure if I give up. I know breast is best and want to try for my baby but doesn't the mother matter too? I just feel so much pressure to bf even though I really don't like it. My motivation to bf is so low so I know i don't want to joint groups etc. I just don't have the drive to commit to that. Does anyone have any advice or experience on switching? Positive stories?

OP, my twins couldn’t bf (small preemies, long nicu stay etc) so I pumped. But my supply was so bad I was pumping every two hours, and still having to supplement. And despite all this I still felt so guilty and like a massive failure. I kept this up for 7 months.

Looking back, I wish I’d thrown out the bloody pump and just held my babies, who are now toddlers and don’t like to sit still for cuddles!

Just out of interest, what don't you like about it? Are you finding it uncomfortable or the feeling of it? I found that feeding lying down felt really weird and I didn't like that at all!

You don't need to at all. Just so you are making a fully informed decision, bfing a 3 week old, is nothing like feeding a 3 month old or even feeding a 6 week old.
Having done both, I think you should go with what is right for you - but do know that with practice both you and the baby get used to feeding discreetly, will feed less often, and it will be comfortable and easy. For me, all of this was easier than bottles and I liked the weight loss too. However formula can be fab, and noone could ever guess from looking which of my DCs was FF Vs bf, so do what is right for you!

I'm not enjoying being the only person who is able to feed her. As I know I will not be confident to feed in public I feel isolated and lonely at home all the time. It hurts every time she latches on and my nipples are bruised. I hate the fact my boobs are huge and leaking and I want my body back. Being completely honest here - I know these are all selfish reasons but I also feel like I've had ten long months of a difficult and painful pregnancy. I had a very long and traumatic Labour with extremely painful recovery. My body feels completely shot which I know all new mums go through, but for me, the added pressure of feeding is just making my mood low.

Do you know what is quite selfish OP? Martyrdom!

You do not have to continue with something that makes you miserable . There are no prizes and formula is a good alternative. Please don't feel guilty about making a choice that will help you and your baby.

Do buy a Perfect Prep though! 

I have lots of friends who have breast fed happily and successfully and thoroughly enjoyed the experience.

I also have a friend who I thought was breast feeding happily and successfully until her dd reached 6 months and she broke down and said words similar to yours. She had hated the first 6 months of motherhood and felt like every time her baby cried for a feed her mental health deteriorated a bit more. But she was committed to doing what was best for her daughter.

I told her what I'd tell you if you were my friend; as long as you're planning on feeding your kid one way or another, it doesn't fucking matter.

All that guilt and weight went within days of picking a bottle up and now her only regret is how long she let all that misery go on for.

I once read a fab analogy on MN (apologies I can't remember the poster's name) that illustrated what is 'best' looks different for every family. She said technically living in a very rural area is 'best' for our children in terms of cleaner air, more outdoor space to play, less food miles, lower crime rate, smaller class sizes etc. But people don't go around berating new mums who choose to have babies in urban areas. That's because we recognise that there's other factors that contribute to where we decide to bring our families up (family proximity, commute to work etc). Breast feeding is the same; yes on paper it might be best but no family is at its best if the baby is being happily breast fed while mum sinks further into depression. Your baby needs a happy present mum and if that means outsourcing the milk production to Aptamil then that's a small price to pay in my opinion.

'I'm not enjoying being the only person who is able to feed her. '

Understandable

Where is the pressure coming from to breastfeed? In a few weeks time, if you formula feed, you'll be in the majority. Whilst I will always offer support to a mother who wants to breastfeed, it's your body and your decision. You don't need permission from anyone else as to feed your child

Sorry, something is up with mns atm. It seems to me that you want permission from mnetters, or anyone, to stop breastfeeding - and it is not needed. Do what YOU want to do.

One thing I maybe would suggest is dropping/swapping one feed every few days. It’s less painful for you anyway and you might hit that magic spot where you are mixed feeding. Bottles to share the load or out and about, breast for chilling in the evening/morning feed or night time easiness. Plenty of people do that for a good while and you might not feel so guilty.

No, I get it. I really felt like I needed someone to tell me it was okay to stop. Might sound strange to some, but it would have helped me a lot.

You’ve done a wonderful job of feeding your baby for 3 weeks! I gave birth about a week ago and have just given up. I wanted to feed so much, understood that I would be sitting on the sofa constantly feeding etc etc... in reality all I do is cry about it. I hate it and it’s making me miserable. I resent doing it and grit my teeth. Hats off to all the amazing women who do it but I just cannot. It sounds stupid but I needed my mum to tell me it was ok not to feed anymore. I feel
Guilty still when I look at her but it’s better that than I go off the deep end because I can’t cooe with the mental load of feeding.

Do what works for you OP. Lots of things make you a good mum. You’ve done a great job for 3 weeks and now you want to stop. So stop!

Just to say last night have 2 formula feeds and had a good couple of 4 hour stretches of sleep. It was bliss. Pumped this morning and have bf so far today. Has the health visitor came out today and I felt like I was a 5 year old guiltily confessing to stealing sweets or something. But I told her I've transitioned over to more formula and she was so supportive and positive about it. Encouraged me to look after myself and do what suits me. I feel so much better and like a weight has been lifted off me. Just reducing even 3 feeds a day to formula helps so much mentally. Thanks for all the positivity

Awwww lovely Op

Enjoy the well earned sleep

So glad you're feeling happier and more positive and that your health visitor was supportive. 

OP, do what makes you happy.

With DD 3 I BF but sadly felt i didn't want to in public (even though with my other 2, I frankly didn't give a shit!)

I just BF at home and FF when out. It worked really well for me and made me feel so happy. I didn't feel such resentment towards BF and actually enjoyed it more! (I also loved that I wasn't solely responsible for feeding too ) I soon stopped feel guilty about not BF full-time because I realised this made me happier.

Good luck OP.

:-) happy your feeling better