I think I hate my baby! 😢 I think he hates me too.

[Olivia1987]

I hate myself for saying this even thinking it but I think I hate my baby.

I bet I sound so stupid and heartless but I’m at my wits end. I can’t do anything right. He’s got reflux and we’ve tried everything to help him Infacol, Gripe Water, Colief, Gaviscon, Nutramigen, Ranitidine and now Omeprazole. nothing works. He’s so uncomfortable all the time.

He hates being cuddled, he hates sleeping, he hates being picked up and being put down, he’s miserable and grumpy all the time. Screaming and crying most of the day. We used to have relatively good nights, yes he woke for feeding every 3/4 hours but that was it straight back to sleep (in my arms because I have to hold him upright for half an hour after feeding, not that,that helps he’s always sick after I lie him down anyway) but for the last few weeks it’s been horrible day and night.

I literally can never comfort him and now I’m even beginning to think what’s the point in trying. He doesn’t like being touched.

I knew it was going to be hard but as a first time mum you can never quite imagine just how hard. I knew I’d get little to no sleep but this is tourture. I’m embarrassed to go out with him. He cries because he’s so tired but doesn’t sleep. It makes me look like I’m doing everything wrong (which now I’m starting to believe because he’s never happy)

I do have amazing family and they help out a lot but now I’m starting to feel like they’ve had enough of him and me. He’s so awful to be around. He drains everyone all the time. I can’t describe how awful it feels to know your baby hates you too. I’m in tears everyday. It’s so stressful.

I was so excited when I found out I was having him my boyfriend too. We saved all the money we could to get him everything. Worked extra long hours. We wanted the best for him. Now it feels like what was the point. My boyfriend helps as much as he can he works full time and I can see the life being sucked out of him as well.

I never wanted it to be like this. I’m so ashamed of myself. Mentally and physically I’ve got nothing left to give.

You have my utmost sympathy .

How old is he?

Your baby definitely doesn't hate you. Your baby clearly has reflux issues of some extent which you as the mother are dealing with, and if you've ever had reflux as an adult it's really not nice. The only way your baby can tell you that he isn't feeling right is to cry. It's not a reflection on you, or your parenting, it's the only communication he has.

I know it's soul destroying. But it really won't last forever, things will get better than they are now and you will enjoy your baby more when he is more interactive and (slightly) less demanding.

You're doing great OP, you're doing all the right things. Make sure you're getting lots of support wherever you can, be kind to yourself and take one day at a time

It's okay to feel like that OP it's bloody tough and he's putting you through a lot.

I think it's a good idea to open up to your MW or HV team about how you are feeling. Don't worry, they will hear how you feel all the time hun. They will be able to offer further support and don't worry if that means some meds or counselling. If it helps, take it! (I do!)

I know it's hard to remember, but think it's just a phase, it will pass. Your little boy doesn't know how hard work he is being, he doesn't know what he wants or what to do, he is so small and although it seems like he doesn't want you, he does. Try a but more skin to skim time with him too.

I bet every mum or dad or whatever has been where you are, even if it was just for a little while, where they feel hatred. It's such hard and tiresome work and a shock to the system too x

www.facebook.com/thefussybabysite/
colicsupport.proboards.com/
www.cry-sis.org.uk/

Hope someone with experience pops on. I'd give cry-sis a call if not xxx

How old is he? You only have my sympathy. I have a 4.5 month old DD and really struggle when she cries - I'm sure I'd be on my knees in your position.

I'm absolutely positive though that he loves you and that you love him. Can you film the crying and then go to your gp for advice, both with regards to him and for help for yourself?

It feels like he hates you and I do understand that but I promise you he doesn't. If he has severe reflux (it sounds like he does) he is crying because he's in distress and it hurts. This is awful for you because your doing everything you can to help but it isn't enough because hes still upset. Your mental health will be struggling right now I have no doubt. I'm so glad you have family to support you. Keep learning on them. You will get through this.

Have you explored if they might have CMPA? Or other allergy that might be making the reflux worse? I would keep pushing the gp to try other things. Even if it doesn't help straight away at least you can feel you are productively trying something.
Does wearing him in a sling so keeping upright help if you go for a walk so fresh air to help him sleep ? I know it's not what you want to do for every nap but sometimes you have to do what works...

How old is he? This newborn stage doesn't last forever and often weaning makes a big difference- again if weight gain is poor gp might sign post you to support with this to help.

Keep talking and making use of your support networks. Don't feel guilty for someone else taking him out for an hours nap if you can.

Reflux babies are a bit like this. My dd was the same and her first year was a blur of meds, no sleep and crying.
Have you been referred to a paediatrician or gastro specialist? If not insist.
Can you ask your health visitor to refer you to sure start? They will support you.
Get out as much as possible, i did loads of baby groups and walking with the pram.

I'd recommend trying to rebjbd with him.
Skin to skin, bath together, sing to him and watch his face looking back at you, remind yourself that he's inconstant pain and this is why he's crying.
Tell family and friends that you are struggling and that you really really need support.
Good luck. You are normal.

Home Start helps families with young children and a volunteer will come and see you once a week, I would give them a call OP to get as much support as you can.

How old is your DS?

Reflux is horrendous. How old is your baby?

He definitely doesn't hate you, and you in no way hate him. Reflux on the other hand, I'm sure you both agree can fuck right off.

I won't make any reflux suggestions as I know you'll have tried everything (how many times have people told you to tilt the crib? Used to do my head in, like we hadn't thought of that after weeks of no sleep, gee thanks). Take any help you can to get an hour's sleep. It really is torture.

No harm speaking to your health visitor or doctor about how you're coping. It is incredibly difficult and anyone would struggle, but it makes pnd more likely IMO, and that makes it harder to cope so it's worth keeping an eye out for it.

You're doing brilliantly. It's just a shit situation, but it will pass (I used to hate it when people told me that).

wow. congrats, he'll probably turn out to be an awesome kid -- someday!

Take care of you, make sure YOU get enough sleep, find people who can watch him for at least a couple afternoons a week, so you can sleep. Or GP for the night? Something, anyone in your situation would need a break.

Reflux in babies is horrendous ☹️ Sending you msss

💐 hand hold here. He absolutely doesn't hate you and it will get better with time, for both of you. You'll look back on these tough days when he's walking, talking, starting school etc. You must be completely knackered - all of you. 💐💐💐

(Whoops posted too soon there) sending you massive hugs, it is tough tough going. I promise you are not alone. I had no idea how awful it was until my second baby had it. I spent most of my mat leave hanging out with another reflux mum and this helped us both enormously (mums and babies!) You must be totally exhausted, it's no wonder you are feeling very low. I second all the advice given above, and also please keep posting here and lots more MNs will be along soon to support you! 💐

My eldest was like this. He was a horrific baby. We thought it was colic/reflux. Turns out he has sensory issues. He's now six and still being checked for aspergers. Maybe have a look online at babies with sensory issues and see if any of it rings true. That way you can see how you can help if it does apply x

How old is your baby?

I could have written your post with both of my babies - I practically set up camp in the paediatrician's office the first time round begging for more and better reflux meds. Couldn't stomach keeping up with any baby groups with DD1 as she was a total nightmare. Didn't even bother trying with DD2. Yelled at DH only a few weeks ago, "Just once would I like to not look like a total dick in public!"

What helped?

1. Omeprazole. I know you're already giving it a go but it's totally possible you need a higher dose. DD2 is at the total max for her age and only now can I say it's working. I only kept advocating for it as with DD1, when it worked she transformed literally overnight.

2. Sleep training. Once I was sure DD1 was settled on the omeprazole, I stopped the rocking and cracked her sleeping. Still went to her in the night, mind, but most importantly she could get herself back to sleep. Absolute game-changer. We were able to get a really good routine going and it felt like I had my life back.

3. Time. At 6 months (the sleep training happened at 5) my DDad met DD1 for the first time. Commented, "Gosh, she's such an easy baby!" I literally had to bite my lip. Everyone says it gets easier and you think, "When, though?!" At 6 months DD1 could sit up and it definitely got easier then. Hang on in there.

Meant to say, she was also on solids by that time too. DD2 is almost 5 months now and we are starting purees this week for the same reason (reflux).

Sorry, last thing, DD1 didn't like being touched either. Very easy to sleep train and probably because she didn't WANT to be held to sleep. Made perfect sense when she began crawling - she was off like a shot. She still is very independent (now 2) and is only now wanting cuddles from us (mostly to beat her sister to it, who IS a very cuddly baby). It's hard not to feel rejected when they are very small but it might just be their personality.

I feel slightly overwhelmed by all your lovely responses. I needed to vent but didn’t know people would understand so much. I feel better for just getting my feelings out. Apologies for not mentioning his age. He was 3 months on Tuesday. 2 months 1 week if he was born on his due date. So if this gets better when he sits up we’ve still got a long way to go.

He woke up this morning still tired from last night but he knows it’s time to go downstairs get dressed and start the day. So we’re in the middle of trying to get him to sleep because he’s so tired. Yes the screaming has started again. I’m hoping I’ve got him down for his half hour. Lol

When I go to the baby group I just get so jealous of all the happy babies lol they all sit and play where I sit in the corner while mine cries or throws up!

I’ve got my sister coming over to take him for a couple of hours today I just feel awful letting her spend her day off work with my screaming miserable baby (she has a son and a life too, she works hard so she deserves a rest)

Urgh life is hard.

Don't feel awful... if you were my sister I would do the same! Try to get some rest - you'll be all the better for it xx

Your sister has a kid so she knows how hardcore it gets. She loves you and wants to help. Get her to take him for a walk and go back to bed for an hour. No advice, only and the promise that one day you'll back at this and - well, you won't laugh, but you'll be able to say 'fuck me that was awful, no wonder I felt crap.'

Does he have any other symptoms? Eczema, vomiting, mucus nappies? He could possibly have an allergy to cows milk which will come through breast milk if you drink it and is in formula.
Have you tried keeping him in a sling? It can help reflux babies as they are kept upright.

My daughter had awful reflux and colic, we took her to a cranial osteopath. She had a few sessions and was miles better! Still cranky and still suffered with the reflux but she was calmer, slept better and was just easier. Baby massage also helped tons, ask your HV if they can help with this. If not I'm sure there's videos on YouTube showing you how to do it, its a nice bonding experience also - I missed doing it when she got older and too big for it.

You poor thing, you have my sympathy. There is no way that your baby hates you, he is just in pain. My first ds cried for the first four months until he went onto lactose free milk. The second ds screamed for the first six weeks and it was so stressful trying to figure out what was wrong. Omeprazole was a life saver for him and he is still on it. It took up to a week to work but the majority of the crying stopped. An electric chair swing that moved side to side and lactose free milk also helped.
I think you need to see a doctor or consultant to help figure out what’s going on. Your baby might need a scope down his throat.. The crying tends to peak by four months generally if it’s colic I think

Deepest sympathy. It WILL get better. I remember vividly sweating in a baby group and hating everyone in there with their happy content babies. Big hugs.

Please ask your health visitor for help and don't suffer in silence (or screams) I had this with my first baby, I was so clueless at 23, he screamed solidly from 3pm to 10pm every night for months. It transpires that he had an allergy to formula alongside colic, I remember it as if it was yesterday and it's fifteen years ago.
Please know that it will get better but also that you probably need help checking our of there's another issue going on and you need some support if there's not so that you can cope.
Sending you massive hugs