I think I hate my baby! 😢 I think he hates me too.

[Olivia1987]

I hate myself for saying this even thinking it but I think I hate my baby.

I bet I sound so stupid and heartless but I’m at my wits end. I can’t do anything right. He’s got reflux and we’ve tried everything to help him Infacol, Gripe Water, Colief, Gaviscon, Nutramigen, Ranitidine and now Omeprazole. nothing works. He’s so uncomfortable all the time.

He hates being cuddled, he hates sleeping, he hates being picked up and being put down, he’s miserable and grumpy all the time. Screaming and crying most of the day. We used to have relatively good nights, yes he woke for feeding every 3/4 hours but that was it straight back to sleep (in my arms because I have to hold him upright for half an hour after feeding, not that,that helps he’s always sick after I lie him down anyway) but for the last few weeks it’s been horrible day and night.

I literally can never comfort him and now I’m even beginning to think what’s the point in trying. He doesn’t like being touched.

I knew it was going to be hard but as a first time mum you can never quite imagine just how hard. I knew I’d get little to no sleep but this is tourture. I’m embarrassed to go out with him. He cries because he’s so tired but doesn’t sleep. It makes me look like I’m doing everything wrong (which now I’m starting to believe because he’s never happy)

I do have amazing family and they help out a lot but now I’m starting to feel like they’ve had enough of him and me. He’s so awful to be around. He drains everyone all the time. I can’t describe how awful it feels to know your baby hates you too. I’m in tears everyday. It’s so stressful.

I was so excited when I found out I was having him my boyfriend too. We saved all the money we could to get him everything. Worked extra long hours. We wanted the best for him. Now it feels like what was the point. My boyfriend helps as much as he can he works full time and I can see the life being sucked out of him as well.

I never wanted it to be like this. I’m so ashamed of myself. Mentally and physically I’ve got nothing left to give.

It's not your baby you hate, it's the circumstances I.e reflux

And you really do have my utmost sympathies

Oh sweetheart  you don't hate each other. You are literally his whole world!
It's such an awful time when you have one like this, but I PROMISE it improves, you will then blur the edges of this period.
Can we help practically at all with any tips that helped us?
Mine was a a buzzy chair and a swing. Because he was sitting up slightly and still moving it confused him into settling 
All of mine also appreciated swaddling, they insisted on punching themselves awake even at a few months, of jerking their arms and waking themselves back up.
Please keep talking to people, accept beg for help from anyone who will take the baby and let you rest. If you have your overnight wobbles, you'll always find someone on here to vent to.
You're a great mum, you won't feel it, but you are 

Three months is really young. And in terms of due date, you're still in the "fourth trimester". The reflux is probably about as bad as it's ever going to get and the colic crying is not long past its peak (at six weeks after due date). You're also in the middle of a developmental leap (Wonder Weeks). In short, you're in the trenches.

You are getting through each day, though, bit by bit. You can't see it, but you're parenting the shit out of this situation and one day you'll look back and feel proud that you kept trying, even though it felt like you weren't "winning". Get back on to your GP and keep strong 

It's really hard to feel like this. I remember thinking the same. DS2 just didn't ever seem to respond to me. No eye contact, smiles, no melting into my arms. I used to feel sick with envy at mothers whose babies gazed up at them. He screamed for hours and hours and was rigid when held. I had problems bonding with him. It felt like a massive problem at the time, and now I can barely remember that we didn't bond. He's now so snuggly and loving and cute and smiley - a truly gorgeous person to be around.
It sounds like reflux is the cause. I just faked it. Faked a bond, faked happiness, and sang to him and smiled at him and cuddled him anyway. I think that helped. he certainly became a very smiley, snuggy little boy (and teenager.)

I've been there, maybe not quite as awful but close.

You don't hate your baby you hate the crying. I absolutely remember feeling I got no pleasure from my constantly unhappy baby.

Go to your gp. It's really important, I used anti anxiety meds for a while and it really helped. I was very anxious and felt like I couldn't look after my son because nothing I did worked.

It's gets better! My 4 year old now is a little joy, he still makes it clear when he's not happy but he's funny and loving and playful. And I absolutely adore him.

Lots of good advice here. One thing that really helped me was to remember that just because my child was still crying it didn't mean that they weren't taking comfort from my touch and presence - even as adults adult it's better to have a shoulder to cry on than cry alone. Hope you're getting plenty of support yourself.

Oh I remember going to a baby sensory class when DD (who wasn't as bad as your DS) was about that age. She screamed, then fed, then slept. All the other babies seemed so engaged with the class and all the other mums seemed to have their shit together in a way I couldn't even dream of.

Before long things did get easier for us, and now DD is six months and loves the class. I have one of those babies enjoying the class and taking it all in - most weeks anyway! If you'd shown a video of us now to me then, I would've sworn you'd faked it.

Everyone kept telling me that it would improve at 12 weeks, that the muscle at the top of the tummy strengthens then. I didn't believe them at all, but it did happen for us. You're not far off 12 weeks adjusted, hopefully you'll find the same.

It doesn't feel like it, but your baby will grow out of this really, really soon.

I had a cmpa baby and had to extensively change my diet. I see you've tried nutramingen, so have ruled that out. The relentless screaming was something else... I remember taking her to baby massage, and she had zero interest in lying there getting rubbed gently like all the other babies. She just screamed the place down so I would hurriedly get her dressed and rush her out apologising over my shoulder! She wouldn't be put down and lived in a sling for the first 3 months.

Happy to say, it did improve quickly and she is now such a happy, active and curious soul at a year old. Lots of people comment on how content she is and they look at me with total confusion if I mention those dark early days.

I found it best to maintain a sense of humour when we were out and about and she was getting screamy. That was much harder at night with sleep deprivation, but cosleeping for the first 12 weeks just about kept me sane.

Good luck, hopefully in a month or two things will look very different.

My kid was a 30-week preemie and had medical issues but he would scream bloody murder when he wasn’t eating or sleeping for eight solid months-I wasn’t afraid I’d hurt him I thought I was going to hang myself! We got so notorious walking into the doctor offices the staff never had to see me as soon as we crossed the threshold they’d hear him and so “Oh so and so is here!” He was on ranitidine and omeprazole I think and I had him on a soy based formula. He was very particular and wanted to be held upright looking over my shoulder so he could look around. Literally one day he was screaming and crying and overnight he woke up smiling cooing and happy! It was a very,very hard and stressful eight months but we survived. He’s now 18 so there is hope! Sending you warmest wishes

You’re not alone!

There is a thread on here ‘My screaming baby is ruining everything’ and I also wrote a similar one a few days ago!

I’ll list some of the stuff we have tried as I should probably sleep soon because my baby is! (3.5 month old).

If the reflux meds aren’t working it may be something else, you could try:

-Cutting out dairy from your diet if breastfeeding, or get a prescription for cows milk free formula

• Cranial Osteopathy

• I think my daughter is sometimes just really tired and try to get her to nap. I read it on here somewhere- wake up at 7 nap two hours(ish) later for an hour. Then afternoon nap 12-2ish and start bedtime routine around 7/8,

• co-sleeping
• loads of sensory toys,lights etc to distract . we also ended up just throwing money at the situation and got a mamaroo which she’ll sit in for 15 mins.

• sling- she currently likes the fabric wrap one front facing. Pram is a no go at the money and she screams hysterically so gave up for the time being

Hope that helps a bit

Oh and I am also that Mum with a screaming baby who has to leave early and secretly hate all the other Mums with the easy, low maintanance babies. As I said on one of the other threads though after this the toddler years can’t phase us.

I was there 15 years ago and I've never forgotten how soul destroying it was.

It does get better, it's good that you have family support.

@Summerbabygirl
"after this the toddler years can’t phase us" - this is so true. The payoff is that when life starts gettinge asier 9and it does) you massively over enjoy every minute of it. I adored my kids as toddlers, primary school children and teenagers. Every stage since babyhood has been an improvement. So, long term, we have a happier time of it, because we appreciate the small stuff.

Hi mulberry bag,

Are you breastfeeding or bottlefeeding? If breastfeeding I would seriously consider reducing your carb intake (cutting out bread, pasta, rice etc). Nuts and vegetables have enough carbs in them and introducing more fatty foods e.g. oily fish (salmon, mackerel), avocado, nuts and red meat.

My baby was extremely refluxy and is far less now..until I ate a donut, a chinese takeaway and some crisps and the sick is back with a vengence! I went dairy free so it wasn't a dairy intolerance.

If you're bottlefeeding can you try a different milk? X

It's so unspeakably awful. No one who hasn't lived it will understand. DS was exactly the same. How often are they reviewing the dose. It's VERY weight dependent. GPs are notoriously shit at reviewing appropriately. Have they referred you to the paediatrician? If not, push, HARD. Have they ruled out CMPA? He may need hypoallergenic milk. And to be honest there's no harm in trying it. Your baby is in pain. He doesn't hate you. Don't feel guilty taking all the help you can get. This is what family is for. Have yourself looked at for PND because you'll be some sort of superwoman if you survive this without it. You need all the support.