What is your ideal number of children to have? and what do you consider to be ideal age gaps

[sabrinathethirtysomethingwitch]

Have one DS aged 6 months. Already ppl are asking would we like number two. DH is keen and would love a small age gap. There are no other children in our families and he would like the company for DS. He thinks we need to aim for a two year gap.

I am so tired 😴. Don't know how I would cope with another. The thought fills me with dread atm to be honest.

Bump for evening crowd

Ideally I'd like 3 but my husband only wants 2. We will start TTC when our first is about 15 months I think

Ideally, I would’ve loved three, each with a 2-2.5 year age gap.
Life didn’t work out that way though, and XH and I split when I was six weeks pregnant. And then I had a premature baby and they advise a minimum 2+ years before trying to conceive again so it never would’ve worked anyway!

It’s such a personal choice. And it’s not a choice really. You think you want X but then your body, mind, heart tells you whether that is going to happen or not. A lot of people think they want two close together but after having one realise that they can’t quite cope yet and would be better waiting. I think you will know well when you are ready so don’t let yourself be talked into it based on some arbitrary idea of age gaps and what your DH wants. The impact on you is massive. So make sure you wait till you are ready.

I have two. 2.5 year gap, which has so far been lovely (we’re 6 months in). We’re tempted by a third (ideally the same sort of gap) but we haven’t decided yet. A third pregnancy would need to be our limit. Twins run in both families - we haven’t had twins so far but would not want to go beyond a third pregnancy just in case. We could happily cope with 4DC if a planned third DC ended up as surprise twins (in terms of house/finances etc), so DC3 is a possibility.

6 months is still very little. It’s hard to imagine wanting to go back to the baby stage when you’re not even fully out of it first time round. Obviously the ideal age gap is different for every family and there are pros and cons with every gap. I have 2 DC with a 4 year age gap. It’s been great. DD is much more independent than a younger toddler would have been and she absolute adores her little brother - I think I’ve had fewer jealousy issues than many friends with smaller gaps. But of course a small gap makes it easier to keep them both entertained and they maybe will have more in common as they get older. Also something to be said for getting all the exhausting sleeplessness and full on toddler stage out of the way in a short space of time. I think my ideal would be about 3 years but we didn’t go for that for various boring life reasons.
I think you will know when you’re ready for a second. At the end of the day you are the one who has to carry and give birth to the baby and while your DH is of course entitled to have a view he shouldn’t pressure you to have a smaller gap than you feel you can cope with.

And in answer to your OP I wanted 4 close together. In pregnancy 1 I had HG and cried that I’d never be able to have any more. But something did drive me and I ended up having 4 under 5 amazingly. But I always wanted that. I can tell you though it’s not easy at all and I’d say I haven’t enjoyed the last 5 years a jot. I’m seeing recently glimpses of the lovely dream I had for my family recently but you’d need to be sure you wanted this to have age gaps like I do.

I have 3 all 2 yrs apart. Not gonna lie, it's hard work but I love it!

I wanted two but ended up having three. 13 month gap between my two eldest and 3.5 years between the youngest and middle which is a nice gap.

I want two. I have a little boy and due my second at the beginning of Nov. There will be 18 months between them. We wanted a small age gap. 😊 I figured- career wise it made sense to take a break. Also thought while we're used to no sleep let's get baby stage done in one go. Will let you know how it goes in a few months time 😂

We always wanted two and that’s how many we have (and no more! coil is in until I’m 48 and hopefully no longer fertile!). We have almost exactly a 5 year age gap (#2 born when I was 37) and it’s great. 4 years would have been okay, but no smaller. We got to really enjoy our first and then when her brother came along, she was in school and fairly independent and we had time to really enjoy him too.

I'm pregnant with my second. First was 6 months old when I got pregnant. I always wanted a small gap, but do have moments of panic when DD (now 10 months) is being a little horror! It'll be worth it in the end though

Definitely seems to be pros and cons for both smaller and bigger gaps. Just hoping that I will wake up one day and know I'm
ready for another. I'm afraid too that if I leave it too long I'll get a taste of freedom and DS will be an only child through choice!!

I have 2 with a 19 month age gap. I would have liked 3, maybe 2 years between 2nd and 3rd but dp doesn't want any more so we're sticking with two.

I wanted 2 kids and have 2.
Ideal gap would be 4- 4.5 years but we ended up woth 6.5 years. Its still fine

We wanted 2 and originally thought a 2 year gap. It was 17 months as I fell pregnant unexpectedly with DC2. It was hard in the early days but got easier as they got older and it was nice to get nappies, sleepless nights over in 3 years total. Childcare costs when I returned to work and university costs were a killer though as Just one school year between them.

DD has a 2 year 7 month gap between her 2 DC. She planned it so eldest gets 30 free hours as baby starts needing childcare. Eldest also seems to have coped better with the baby than mine did so if I went back in time I would aim for a bigger age gap than I had.

I have 2, and no plans for any more. They are 2yr 3 months apart. Baby just turned 1.

Our thinking was to get all the baby and toddler stages over with quite quickly and for them to have more in common when they are older. It’s definitely hard work, probably more than a bigger age gap. It seems like a very common age gap as I know lots of people with around the same one.

So far I feel it was the right choice for us. But I’m only a year in

Max 2 children with a 4/5 year age gap

We've always only wanted two children with a small age gap.

DD1 is 10 months this week and I'm 19 weeks pregnant with DD2. 😊

I have two boys aged 8 and 11. I'm getting married again in 2020 and fiance would like one of his own. Really don't think I'm keen though for many reasons, and it would also mean around a 14-year age gap between my eldest and youngest if I fell at 40!!

That is a big age gap @Ella1980 🙈

Exactly! It's not the main thing putting me off though...we both work full-time but still can only afford to rent a two-bed! Need to win the lottery

@Ella1980 oh yes the expense is another big problem . People say it's only for a short time. But it's not really when you think about wrap around care when they go to school and school holidays.

I always wanted two but after having one I just don’t think I could ever cope, which makes me a bit sad (baby is 3 months).

I’m a twin and my brother is 18 months older, we’re close now but fought constantly as kids. I think getting pregnant again and then ending up with twins would be hell! I think I should quit while I’m ahead.

@Summerbabygirl that is exactly how I feel at the minute.

From what PPs have said it seems to be normal to feel like that in the early days. I'm hoping that is true for me too and that it will all get easier and then I will want to try for another.

Having a baby has been the hardest, most challenging thing I have ever done!