My boys are screaming in their cots while I'm shut in the bathroom crying

[AlpineButterfly]

I can't do this. Today I'm failing. I'm poorly. I need them to sleep. I need to sleep.

21m old was up 5 times last night. 9mo didn't go to sleep until 10. DH was away at uni all weekend and his next day off is Sunday. I can't do this

Breath. Maybe have a bath? No child died from crying in a cot for half an hour XX we’ve all been there. You are not failing, they are safe, you are awesome

I promise you can do this. It may involve snacks in front of the TV but you can do this. Ring your Mum or a friend and ask them to help. If I was your friend I’d be there.

Oh bless you, we've all had days like that. It's really hard when you're tired and feeling unwell.

But you've done the right thing. They're safe, if unhappy about it.

Long term, remind yourself how this feels. Maybe a week of controlled crying to sort out the sleep issues once and for all would be better than regular days like this? I know it's not fashionable and people make you feel bad for it, but I think a well-rested, healthy and happy Mum is essential for the children's well-being and if sleep isn't sorting itself as the babies grow older, you may need to do take action to fix it.

Deep breath you can do it you haven't failed in anyway.

Make a drink. Get snacks. Stick on CBeebies, snuggle up with blankets. Indulge them with Whatever works - dummy, books, Calpol if poorly. And rest together.

14 months between my ds's. They never slept at night . I did however manage to get them to nap every morning. Took, older dc to school. Pushed big doubly buggy to local shopping centre. Got a tea /toast and a magazine and had myself an hour while they slept. Walked home again, sometimes got another half hour when I got back!! Most will nap after a good push!!
Lack of sleep is a killer.

Is there anyone you can call for help op? Mum or dad, siblings, friends? It's so so hard spending days alone with babies /toddlers. I often find myself willing bedtime to arrive (whilst feeling guilty).

Even harder when the weather is shit, I know.

Please try and call someone to come over and give you some help and support. If any friend of mine called I'd be there straight away to help, even if we weren't close.

You can get through it

You can do this. You're not failing. A 21 month old + 9 month old = a lot of hard work (especially when you're sleep deprived).
Change nappies and feed them - put them back in their cots (where they're safe). If you're really lucky they'll go back to sleep.
Feed yourself.
Is there anyone that can help you - family member or friend?

You are in no way a failure! You are poorly. I remember vividly being poorly with Adenovirus which wiped me out. I had a toddler who was teething and refused to sleep/kept waking up in the night! It was hell but I got through it.

Remember, them crying in their cots is not going to hurt them. Take a deep breath! Do you have any family member at all that could take them for a little while? Really sympathise with you OP

I'm right there with you. I am literally sat in my car balling my eyes out because I cannot cope with my 20 month old and 6 month old.

I have shouted at my toddler and feel so ashamed of myself that I think leaving my husband and children is going to be best for everyone.

Seriously, it's fucking hard.

I tried to put us all into bed together. Toddler wouldn't settle and is now screaming in his cot again because I put him in there as he was disturbing baby. Baby is asleep on my bed though so that's one thing.

I've called DH. He's coming home. We have noone else. I have friends but they are all at work. I can't do this 24/7 parenting thing on my own

I'd normally shove them in the car but I'm too tired to drive

@Namechangemum100 I totally feel you. One day at a time

I have many many many days like this with my two (16 month gap). Mine both hate cars and prams so I really struggle to get out most days, but if yours don't then try to get them out to sleep. Or if you do drive and live near a drive thru McDonald's or coffee shop then definitely head there with them in the car to feed yourself. Where in the UK are you? What's your support network?

Cross post sorry. I've recently self referred myself to a CBT group in my area which provides a crèche for mine for two hours and it's been life changing. I don't normally buy that shit but spending two hours drinking tea and moaning about my life to four strangers has been great.

Controlled crying for the 21 month old without a doubt. You can do it for the 9 month old if you’d like to but I’d wait until one.

Sort the sleep schedule and the rest of it will feel a bit better.

Some days you really can’t do it on your own. Calling in for support is a good idea. Glad your husbands coming home. But not ever day will be like this. I know this sounds wanky whilst your in the middle of it but this will be a memory one day. I say that with a 18 month age group and oldest is 3ish now. It gets SO MUCH easier. You’ll get there.

You are NOT failing op. It’s hard! We’ve all had the locked in the bathroom sobbing moments.
When your dh gets in go to bed, have a bath, let him take over.
I promise it gets easier.

I parent alone while my husband works constantly. It’s very hard but with a firm routine you’ll cope. Two under two was always going to provide very difficult.

Why does uni keep him away so much? Is there a way to have him home a bit more?

I recommend baby shark / simple tunes.
You'll find it on youtube)
My daughter used to be mesmerized by it.

You are NOT failing. We have all been there. It will get easier. If you have to give them biscuits and sit them in front of the TV so you can have five minutes then do it.
And no harm will come from them being safely in their cot having a cry for half hour.

In the long run Is it possible to find a local babysitter/child minder for a few hours a week to help you catch up on sleep? lots of local childcare students in college do baby sitting and they are CBS checked etc and have experience. I would find one that you like, and leave her for an hour or two and just sleep in the day time as much as you need to. Lack of sleep is my nemesis, I can't cope without it.

Are there any toddler groups near you for tomorrow? I try to go to groups each morning as a break/chance to see other adults and to stop them getting bored and whingey at home. Mine are 6 and just turned 2 and 1 so our routine is breakfast, everyone dressed, teeth brushed, in the buggy to drop oldest off, then 9.30-11.30 toddler groups then they both nap on the way back and sleep for the next hour or 2 so I can either have a rest or tidy depending on how the night was.

For today, stick the TV on and relax on the sofa. Word party on Netflix seems addictive to babies if yours aren't usually that interested in tv, its the only thing mine will properly watch!

No way to have him here more. He works full time, two weekends a month is at uni and two.days a month is at clinic. He needs to do this. We need to provide for our children.

Ds2 wasn't particularly planned and neither was the failure of dh's business when I was 12 weeks pregnant with ds2.

I have a support network to an extent but they all.seem.to struggle with their single toddlers. My parents are two hours away and DM works and pils are next to useless. The toddler has gotten into too many dangerous situations because they just can't seem to manage him.

All is quiet now.

The toddler is actually a very good sleeper generally, self settles for naps and night sleep but he's going through a tough phase. I have an inkling he's cutting three molars, that I can feel. He tends to power teethe. The baby - his sleep is shocking. Currently I work evenings so his sleep is all over the shot as he won't take enough milk from a cup or bottle to properly put him to bed. DH can put him down to bed but he requires a lot of resettling and will properly wake after a couple of hours.

I'm broken.

You poor thing! You’re not a failure, ‘just’ exhausted. Have you got a home start group near you? They may be able to offer you some support.

I looked into home start but they wanted me to fill in a mammoth application form and it was too overwhelming at the time so I gave up