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Parenting

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Original poster

My boys are screaming in their cots while I'm shut in the bathroom crying

50 replies

AlpineButterfly · 15/10/2018 11:23

I can't do this. Today I'm failing. I'm poorly. I need them to sleep. I need to sleep.

21m old was up 5 times last night. 9mo didn't go to sleep until 10. DH was away at uni all weekend and his next day off is Sunday. I can't do this

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

WerewolfNumber1 · 15/10/2018 12:22

Could you afford a night nanny now and then to give you a break? Or to sleep train them?

Can you “team up” with a friend - eg you look after her toddler as well for a morning, then she has yours and hers while you nap with baby?

We’ve all been there.

Remember if you really aren’t coping, they are honestly fine in buggies or cots while you take the time to calm down. My GP actually advised me to do that if I needed to.

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 15/10/2018 12:28

Feed yourself. Sit down - or, even better, lie down. If practical, sleep.

Wolfiefan · 15/10/2018 12:32

Could anyone help just long enough for you to fill in the form?
You’re not failing. You’re exhausted.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1 year olds 6-9 months old 9-12 months old Babies & sleep

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 15/10/2018 13:10

Hi Op - just noticed, but not read - there's a WellVine Baby Sleep Consultant ama thread on MN just now.

Lana1234 · 15/10/2018 13:23

Not failing in any way. We’ve all been there, I was there this morning and that was just with one so I think your amazing to do it with two. My 13month old screamed from the moment he woke up this morning (also cutting teeth I suspect) and it got to the point where I hadn’t to put him in his cot for a cry/breather for 5 minutes in the kitchen. He’s had a nap now and I’ve had a shower so that’s a win. As pp have said you just need a break, is there anyone who could pop over for an hour to help?

Original poster

AlpineButterfly · 15/10/2018 13:33

I've just had a sleep and now need food and a wee but am not going to move incase I wake ds2! I think I heard DH come in five minutes ago so reinforcements have arrived. Not a long term solution as he's had to leave work but I'm finally at breaking point.

Currently can't sleep train the baby as he's next door to ds1's room. Our housemate will be moving out end of the month meaning ds2 can have a room away from ds1 and I won't need to respond every time ds2 stirs. The sound travels so badly through the walls despite the use of white noise.

I'll prioritise homestart and the ama thread. Unfortunately we're up to our eyeballs in debt so can't pay for any support but in January toddler is going to go to preschool a couple of mornings and in may a large chunk of our debt will be cleared. He is also going to quit his job in the summer and start using his diploma that he'll be achieving this year to earn a better hourly rate and can go part time but earn the same amount so we only have to push through to the end of dh's first year of studying and things will look much brighter.

OP posts:

TamiTayorismyparentingguru · 15/10/2018 13:37

You are absolutely not a failure in any way. If you were anywhere near me I would come and entertain/hold/soothe/distract your little ones while you slept. I remember it well. We had (still have) no family support at all as everyone lives 10-12hr journey away. It’s hard - so, so hard. Leaving them to cry will do no harm whatsoever.

Can I recommend some music turned up loud so that you can’t hear the crying for a while - even 10min can help to break the seemingly never ending cycle.

My DC are now 14,11,8,8 and are on the first day of their October holidays today and have spent the morning in their respective bedrooms while I have ignored them because today they seem to be incapable of being pleasant to one another. It DOES get easier - I promise - even though currently DC are doing my nut in

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 15/10/2018 14:07

At some point in the future, you will look at your two, beautiful, sleeping sons and feel blessed (just not today)

Littlecaf · 15/10/2018 14:33

This was me this morning, put DS1 in his cot screaming while DS3 whined constantly since 4.15 when he woke up for the day. I thought I couldn’t do it. It will get better, but fuck me, it’s hard some days. Solidarity with you. We can do it.

ContessasGulagSpaDay · 15/10/2018 16:53

Pm me if you're near Berkshire op - I remember this and it's hard

Original poster

AlpineButterfly · 15/10/2018 18:40

@ContessasGulagSpaDay probably a bit far - I'm north hants. Thank you though.

I've had a serious talk with DH tonight and he proposes that he drops down to PT work. With careful budgeting now he gets his maintenance loan it is manageable. Just.

OP posts:

WTFdidwedo · 15/10/2018 18:56

That's good news at least! www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3394713-why-does-nobody-get-me?msgid=81807878#81807878 come join he moaning WhatsApp group setup over here if you like as well.

Halfeatentoast · 15/10/2018 19:12

I was you yesterday. I'm sure my.neighbours heard everything. No real advice except what other say about sleep training and being kind to yourself. Sending lots of love, it's fucking hard.

Original poster

AlpineButterfly · 15/10/2018 19:22

@WTFdidwedo I've just dropped a message on that thread. Thanks

OP posts:

huttub · 15/10/2018 20:05

You are doing fantastic. But if you are working evenings can baby have formula at night? It might help him sleep better?

Glad you've managed to rest and also reach out for help.

Original poster

AlpineButterfly · 15/10/2018 20:11

He refuses a bottle and will only have a few sips from a cup. Tbf, he doesn't particularly feed at night any more. He just latches for a bit of comfort and I give in as I don't want him to wake the toddler.

I've sacked off work tonight and DH is going to take tomorrow off as annual leave. You know when on MN they say 'I'm ill, AIBU to get dh to have the kids?' and then everyone pile in and tells you how shit of a job you're doing at parenting and you should suck it up for the day? Well today was breaking point. I can't do any more. I'm broken.

OP posts:

Dragon3 · 15/10/2018 20:19

You are doing brilliantly. Really. Your post made me tear up. I remember so many days like that. It's bloody awful sometimes. But you are nearly through the worst. Although it doesn't feel like it at the time, these early days are over before you know it.

You sound like a brilliant, responsible mum. Just do what you need to do to stay functional.

Original poster

AlpineButterfly · 15/10/2018 22:14

@Dragon3 thankyou so much. I know I'm doing ok overall but I just hit the wall today. I generally enjoy my boys and they're just so lovely to be with but none of us had a good day. Interestingly by the time they were asleep ds1 had 90m and then a further 90m in the car with DH and ds2 clocked up a 4h nap which is very unlike him. I think it might be teething

OP posts:

Verbena87 · 15/10/2018 22:21

You sound like a responsible, mutually supportive family that have come through a tough time with grace and strength. Hope tomorrow looks much brighter.

redsummershoes · 15/10/2018 22:27

it's tough
it's a phase
what can help is going outside, even in the rain/cold for at least an hour every day.
the running about/daylight/fresh air is beneficial for all of you and makes dc more tired at bedtime.
good luck!

Grumpasaurus · 15/10/2018 23:05

Oh op, I hear ya girl.

Those days were HELL.

They seem interminable but they do pass.

So glad DH is supportive!

Take good care.

ContessasGulagSpaDay · 16/10/2018 07:21

I vividly remember sitting in the bathroom with baby DS2, with the door locked against DS1; I wanted to hide from both of them but couldn't leave DS2 out there as DS1 would harass him and make him scream. It was horrible.

They are now 7.4 and 6.3 years old (13 months apart) and things are quite a lot better. For one thing, they can can modulate their behaviour in response to threats now; that has helped a LOT DS1 doesn't clear every surface any more. He's a rude little shit a lot of the time, heaven knows why, but there are glimmerings of humanity in there. I'm hopeful.

This too shall pass

Original poster

AlpineButterfly · 16/10/2018 21:03

DH taking tomorrow off also. He's been fantastic and he's looking very seriously at changing his job/hours. I'm so relieved.

He said he knew that my plea for help this time was different and he's really listened. I really should have given him credit for what a caring husband he can be but we've been so busy lately that it's easy to forget. This week I've remembered who I married

OP posts:

WerewolfNumber1 · 17/10/2018 07:11

That’s lovely. It’s great that you were able to ask for help and that he’s realised how serious it is.

WerewolfNumber1 · 17/10/2018 07:14

Just a thought - if the grandparents can’t really help out, in practical terms, could they help out financially? At one point my parents paid for a cleaner as they couldn’t come to help but wanted to contribute. If you and DH are having to reduce working hours you could ask for a bit of help if you’re going to struggle (or ask for anything practical you need for Christmas).

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