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Original poster

DD having problems in Reception

33 replies

user1467783599 · 10/10/2018 06:46

DD is 4 years old (Feb baby) and started Reception 5 weeks ago. Last week the class teacher said she needed a meeting with us as DD "does not listen or follow instructions" and on one occasion "drew all over the table".

DD attended a private nursery from the age of 6 months until starting school and this has been a huge change for her. Each week she comes home with a book to read, homework and a weekly spelling test. The school have a card system to manage behaviour; getting a green card is good, yellow is a warning and getting a red card means they have to go to lunch club which is a bit like detention from what I can gather. DD has had a few red cards and she doesn't really understand what they are for just that the teachers "get cross and I have to go I need another room".

I am concerned that the teacher is expecting too much from DD as she is still settling in and I worry that DD is taking the view that the teachers "are scary". There seems to be a lot of focus on formal learning when at this age I would expect children to largely be learning through play.

Just want to hear some experiences of other parents before I go to meet with the teacher today.

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YeTalkShiteHen · 10/10/2018 06:49

DD has had a few red cards and she doesn't really understand what they are for just that the teachers "get cross and I have to go I need another room".

I think the fact she doesn’t understand why she’s being punished is something to bring up with the teacher. Because if she doesn’t understand what is getting her to a punishment, she won’t know how to change that behaviour.

It sounds as though she’s possibly not ready for school? Is putting her back into nursery and deferring school for a year an option?

Solasum · 10/10/2018 06:50

You are not alone. I was told my 4yo DS is also not listening by the teacher yesterday. When I talked to him about he it said he doesn’t understand why he is told off either.

LIZS · 10/10/2018 06:53

Is it an independent school? It sounds more full on than Learning through Play EY curriculum. Having said that your dd should know that drawing on a table is not acceptable. How did she explain it, does she have basic skills and has her hearing and eyesight been checked recently.

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Nsbgsyebebdnd · 10/10/2018 06:56

This sounds a really negative environment for her to be in. And spelling tests in reception?! Learning should be fun and play based at that age.

DragonGoby · 10/10/2018 06:59

Wow, that does sound quite full on for a reception child - spelling tests, red cards etc. When my DC were in reception (not that long ago) it was more about child initiated learning.

Is there a nursery attached to the school, which most of the children attended? If so, it's not surprising that your DD is struggling if most of the kids are used to the systems. You could have a chat to the teacher about how best to support DD with the transition. Not criticising the school's methods, but asking how you can work with the school to help DD.

I do think that at her age she should know not to draw on the table.

pinkhorse · 10/10/2018 07:06

Children can never remember what they've done by the end of the day. If you were there at the time she was getting told off, I bet she'd know what she'd done wrong. Surely at 4 years old age she knows not to draw all over the table Confused

PerspicaciaTick · 10/10/2018 07:09

What made you choose this school? It doesn't sound like the environment I would want for my child, so I'd be thinking about changing school.

Slippersandacuppa · 10/10/2018 07:13

Sounds awful. I can imagine her behaviour may deteriorate because she’s not sure what’s expected of her and the environment is stressing her. You can keep her there part time too if you think that would help.

For now, I’d go in and talk to the teacher again.

That doesn’t sound like a healthy environment.

Scotinoz · 10/10/2018 07:14

My eldest also started reception, and your daughter's school sounds like a whole different world.

We have one reading book each week, and last weekend's homework was to write lots of Ss. There's a massive amount of play based learning each day too (my daughter complains there's too much playing 😅). And discipline is by means of a rainbow, but every kid starts the day fresh. My daugh red has told me in, in hushed horrified tones, that somebody's name was moved up to yellow on the rainbow for a misdemeanour but back to green with the rest of them later in the day.

Lunch detention and spelling homework sounds nuts!!

Original poster
user1467783599 · 10/10/2018 07:15

I'd like to have kept her back a year but her sister will be starting Reception next year and I didn't think it would Ben fair for DD1 to be in the same year as her little sister.

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SuburbanRhonda · 10/10/2018 07:17

Did they not say anything at all about the spelling tests, behaviour cards, etc. when you visited the school last term? Has this all come as a complete surprise to you?

Having said that, it sounds a very negative environment for reception children. It doesn’t bode well for the next seven years.

Original poster
user1467783599 · 10/10/2018 07:18

@Slippersandacuppa thanks for your reply. I will see how the chat with the teacher goes today. I just want to be clear in explaining my concerns to the teacher and I want to get a full understanding of how DD's days are structured. It seemed like a good school when we looked round and they have lots of great extra curricular activities that DD is enjoying.

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SleepingInYourFlowerbed · 10/10/2018 07:19

That sounds far too harsh for a 4 year old. My son's school has a traffic light system but the only 'punishment' of being on red is actually being on red. Homework is just learning some letters and practicing phonics each week.

autumnboys · 10/10/2018 07:21

If you’re in the UK & she’s a Feb Birthday, she’s in the older half of the year group, so I don’t think you would have been able to hold her back in any case.

The Reception does sound a bit draconian and like others, I wonder if they have a nursery/preschool that her peers have come through where they’ve absorbed some more of the school’s norms. It’s early days. Go in and talk to the teacher, explain that she isn’t able to tell you what she’s done wrong & ask how you can work together to settle her in. Good luck!

MnerXX · 10/10/2018 07:23

Knowing not to draw on tables and holding back if she’s struggling are two different things. DS really struggled throughout reception. He was ready for school but the step up was massive and school expected too much.

Things only really settled down when he got into yr 1. A bit more maturity and a different teacher!

Hope the meeting goes well

Original poster
user1467783599 · 10/10/2018 07:23

@SuburbanRhonda ...when we looked round the school they didn't mention behaviour cards or homework and spelling tests. The Head teacher actually came across as really child focussed and caring...the class teacher seems the total opposite of this. I'm going to the meeting today with an open mind but in my view if my child isn't listening and following instructions then it's down to the teacher to find a way to motivate and engage her.

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Original poster
user1467783599 · 10/10/2018 07:27

@DragonGoby the majority of her class have come from the nursery that is attached to the school and I made that point to the teacher on the 3rd and 4th weeks when she made comments that DD was not following the rules and regime! I'm annoyed that they don't seem to be giving her time to settle in as in my view 5 weeks isn't a long time to learn a totally new routine.

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Original poster
user1467783599 · 10/10/2018 07:28

@Solasum thanks for your reply, it is reassuring to know I'm not the only one in this situation. When I ask DDwhat she thinks of her teachers she says they are "scary and cross"... surely this isn't going to help her develop and enjoy school if she doesn't feel teachers are approachable...it's worrying me.

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DragonGoby · 10/10/2018 07:35

I wouldn't say it's entirely down to the teacher to engage her, OP. The parent plays a very important role too. If I were you I'd talk about things like 'working together' and 'partnership' rather than just blaming the school / teacher.

Batteriesallgone · 10/10/2018 07:36

Blimey. That sounds awful. I don’t like behaviour charts at all let alone one enforced as severely as that. I’d be looking at sending her part time and also looking at other schools.

Original poster
user1467783599 · 10/10/2018 07:37

@DragonGoby, DD didn't have any problems at preschool and also goes to a weekly gym class and they have no problem with her. We talk to DD about listening and doing a she's told but I do feel it is the teacher's job to engage her during the time she is at school.

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Original poster
user1467783599 · 10/10/2018 07:39

@Batteriesallgone I will certainly think about doing this, thanks. I didn't know school could be a part time option. I don't want to be too quick to move her as I know it takes time to settle in somewhere, especially when it's totally new, but I think I will start to look at what other schools we have close by.

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EvaPerron · 10/10/2018 07:40

As a start, could you ask them to do a home school diary and specifically tell you if she has had a yellow or red card and what they were for? That way you can remind her and reinforce things at home but also you can get a clearer picture about whether she really is being difficult or whether they are being too harsh.

LittleBearPad · 10/10/2018 07:40

What is the homework?

Card systems aren’t unusual but the child should know why they’ve been given the card.

Original poster
user1467783599 · 10/10/2018 07:40

Scotinoz, your DD's school sounds much more like the sort of experience I would like for DD.

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