DD having problems in Reception

[user1467783599]

DD is 4 years old (Feb baby) and started Reception 5 weeks ago. Last week the class teacher said she needed a meeting with us as DD "does not listen or follow instructions" and on one occasion "drew all over the table".

DD attended a private nursery from the age of 6 months until starting school and this has been a huge change for her. Each week she comes home with a book to read, homework and a weekly spelling test. The school have a card system to manage behaviour; getting a green card is good, yellow is a warning and getting a red card means they have to go to lunch club which is a bit like detention from what I can gather. DD has had a few red cards and she doesn't really understand what they are for just that the teachers "get cross and I have to go I need another room".

I am concerned that the teacher is expecting too much from DD as she is still settling in and I worry that DD is taking the view that the teachers "are scary". There seems to be a lot of focus on formal learning when at this age I would expect children to largely be learning through play.

Just want to hear some experiences of other parents before I go to meet with the teacher today.

I'm not necessarily saying it's NOT the school's fault (I agree this regime sounds too strict for a 4yo). I guess my point is that the meeting will probably be more productive if you come across as a reasonable person who is happy to work with the school rather than go in all guns blazing.

@LIZS it's just a state school...a primary academy. DD's hearing is fine so there isn't an issue with her not hearing what is being asked of her. She's very sensitive and intuitive and notices tiny details that most people miss....such as noticing if I'm wearing new socks or even earrings. I think there is so much going on in a class with 28 other children that she just can't take it all in and the teacher's voice just gets lost in everything else.

At DS’s school (where DD attends preschool) they called me in to talk about DS not listening.

They asked if he had had his ears and sight checked. We discussed my suspicions of ASD. They asked did I think it would help if he had his ‘own place’ to sit on the carpet, indicated by a bit of fabric, or perhaps if he sat behind the teacher or to the side to avoid eye contact (but where TA could sit see him! Ha)

They also came up with a whole load of other suggestions that we dismissed as not right for him but I remember being so impressed at all the different possible strategies they had.

I bought him ear defenders which he wears during free play and doesn’t take off until everyone is sat down on the carpet. He always sits on the corner of the carpet / the outside of the group. Small changes but his behaviour improved immensely because they reduced his anxiety so he could focus.

AT NO POINT did they imply he was just naughty and needed to shake up his attitude. Because he was...4.

@DragonGoby, I do want to find a way to work with the school and I may prepared to go in and listen to them, but at the same time I need to advocate for DD. I want to know how her days are structured, I want examples of when she isn't not following instructions or not listening, I want to know how this has been handled so far and how the teacher thinks things should be moving forward. I want DD to have a positive experience at school and not to be written off as a "problem child".

@Batteriesallgone, I hope the teacher today is taking a similar approach, that they are prepared to look at ways to work with DD because from my impression of the teacher so far I feel that she sees my child as a problem. I guess I'll have to see how the meeting goes!

OP, it wasn’t so much when you looked around the school - staff rarely go into the day to day details during a walk-around - I’m just surprised they didn’t say anything at the information evening or similar event for new reception parents.

Polite request not to @ me as I’m on the thread.

@EvaPerron, thanks, this is definitely something I will do. She has a book that comes home everyday day with a daily section for comments from school and all that is ever written in it I see a comment related to her reading. Eg "good reading today, well done". More often than not there is just a rubber stamp and staff initials...I'm assuming to say she has read! I am going to ask that more is written in this section daily if there have been any issues.

Your little one is still really young and moving to school is a big step. My DS is 4 and a September baby so too old for school but we moved him to a preschool. He likes order and has settled well but there are only 20 DC in his class and they have a little communication book in there bag which they make comments in and ask us to do the same. They are all for open dialogue and the teacher even phones if they want to speak to me. My DD however was labelled as being not too bright when she was 4 and just started primary school. The teacher was an ass and had already labelled my DC at the age of 4. It sounds like your little one is having sensory overload and is being easily distracted. The teachers need to think about strategies to help her and not start labelling her. Don’t let them bull doze you in the meeting. Stay strong and stress that she is 4 and this is new and that she never had any difficulties before when at nursery and ask what they are doing about making sure the school environment is a healthy and a nurturing one for the DC!