Feeling lonely on maternity

[CJ1990]

Hello,

I’m just wondering if anyone has advise on ways to occupy their time on maternity?

I have a 5 week old who I love looking after, but I’m finding myself really lonely in the week. I find myself dreading Sunday evenings when the husband goes to work :( everyone I know works in the day so I don’t have many people to go see. One or two friends have babies but they’re often busy with their other half’s as they do shift work, not 9-5 like my husband.

I’ve looked for baby groups to go to but most you have to pay for, or are for babies a bit older. I’d go visit work but it’s too far away and I couldn’t take my daughter as she’d be in the car seat to long. And she’s also a nightmare with her feeding. She still wants feeding every hour and the same with nappy changing. I no that can be normal but it makes going out much harder.

Find myself really anxious when Monday comes along as i Just don’t know what to do other than walks around the local park and box sets! I go to a feeding support group every week just to get out!

Do you think it’s something I could ring the health visitor about? Maybe she would no of some groups? Feel it maybe something silly to ring about though.

I guess I’m just missing interactions with people! Feeling very tied down to the house :(

Hi OP, are you on Facebook? If so have you checked on there for any local baby groups/meet ups etc?

I’ve had a look but couldn’t find anything. Maybe the way I am searching though! I only got it back recently for that reason - to try find places :)

Have you tried your local Sure Start centre? They run lots of groups; i did a 0-6 months one on a Weds afternoon and i also did a baby massage course over 6 weeks for free on a Thursday too. Now DS is older but i still get the emails about one off events for 0-5s that i take him to when i can.

Weighing clinics are also quite good in my experience for a natter. You see the same faces every month and some have tea and coffee so make a bit of a coffee morning out of it.

Church halls often run play sessions. My local one is £1.50 but you get free tea and coffee.

There is an app called Mush which is meet up app for mums. I chatted to a couple of people on there and met up for walks etc.

I also used to go baby swimming from about 8 weeks. I did pay for that class though but i didn't really meet anyone there; it was just nice to have a bit of purpose to the day and timings to stick to.

If youre still not getting anywhere, ask your health visitor about what's on.

If you're in a large town or city, you could see if there are baby and parent cinema viewings during the week. It used to be a real treat for me and I could just feed DS throughout.

There's also an app called Peanut you could try. It tries to link up people on parental leave (mainly mums) for socialising.

I used to do post natal yoga with baby once a week and met a good group of friends through that.

Could you contact NCT and see if you could be put in touch with a group of new parents in the same position? Though you might have to pay for membership. I know someone who joined up with a group after their dc was born and were welcomed with open arms and are still close years later.

Hope that helps. I feel for you, it is really boring at times. X

My baby is 3 months and I still feel like this unfortunately . I don't know anyone with children. Most days the only people I see is DH in the evening and luckily my DM lives a 5 minute walk away so I see her most days either at mine or at hers. But it gets very lonely. I started going to a baby group one afternoon a week at the children's centre when DD was about 7 weeks old, but I've been going sort of every other week as the vaccination clinic always clashes with it and one week I was away with DM and DD visiting extended family, and it's not the same people there every week so rarely speak to the same mums twice so haven't made any friends or anything. I think the other groups at the centre are pointless for DD as she can't engage, she's also a very cry-y baby so I worry about taking her places and her just crying the whole time. She's much better now than when she was smaller though, thank God. It also became much easier once I stopped EBF after 6 weeks and I gradually moved to exclusively formula feeding by 12 weeks, but that was only because I had awful pain breastfeeding the entire time so obviously bottle feeding is much easier for me.

Whereabouts are you out of interest? (Don't have to say ofc.)

Could you visit friends during their lunch break? I know it would be just a flying visit but something to get you out of the house! When I had baby blues I felt a lot like you but it soon passed and I enjoyed my time at home again. Our local libraries sometimes run parent groups. Your health visitor will known of a few around. Don’t worry about doing a longer commute to see your colleagues. Even if you stop about half way for 5 mins at least you’re getting out of the house.

I second Mush. Made lovely mum friends that way! Also local church hall mum's and tots? Health visitor might have a list of local ones. It is hard at times. But the good thing about Mush is that people are on there looking for Mum friends!

I've watched a lot of boxsets! But that was something i loved to do before having a baby. I have never needed to be really busy, quite happy in my own company for kost of the week

I have a 5 month old and feel very similar. My dd hates the car seat and my driving has also taken a turn for the worst since she was born so getting out is incredibly difficult. I live rural, far from family, and all my friends work. Like you I hate Sunday evenings! My husband also works away a lot its so depressing. Never thought I'd say this but I miss working so bad!!

This week I've made a plan to get out the house every day no matter what. Think its the only way to get through it. Just hope the weather holds out for lots of baby carrier walks. Might even brave a train journey and head in to the city for a change of scenery!

Weird thing is, before baby was born I was such a home-bird, really loved being in the house - I easily could potter all day and sometimes went days without leaving but since she was born I can't stand it.

Forever I'm the same re: pottering around at home, but then before DD I could do all my chores fine, sit and read, watch telly etc lol there were lots of things I could do at home that were either productive or enjoyable or both. But I can't really do any of those things anymore as she's so needy and only naps for like 30 mins at a time when I have to rush to eat my lunch, get a shower etc and by the time I've done that, she's awake again for a couple of hours until the next short nap where I need to clean the kitchen, put the laundry on, etc. And she crys a lot so it's not like I can just sit and play with her which would be I guess more enjoyable.

You’re all in. Tough spot because your babies are so young. Try to go to baby groups if you can, even if you take your own coffee in a reusable mug to keep costs down. Getting out once a day will do you good. Your babies are at the age where all they do is feed, cry and want to be carried. It’s exhausting! It does get better

I feel lucky in a way to have had my little one in the middle of winter. The fact that it was so miserable outside made it easy to hunker down and stay inside.

I struggle with timekeeping in general and found this really hard to coordinate with getting out.But I met a few mums using a combo local Facebook group, NC tea and Mush. We'd go for coffees every so often. This then led to a free baby massage group and regular baby swimming sessions which was lovely. I second the library rhyme time as others have said, in my area there are some groups like Hartbeeps.
However there were plenty of times where I didn't do much, just enjoyed resting during naps, played with the baby and went for a short walk.
We moved eventually and I've found it a bit harder meeting mums now I have a toddler and am back at work but I just try to make the best of it with a few toddler classes regularly and the acquaintances that I have locally.

I had 18 weeks mat leave all in and the first time I was out and about with friends as we all had babies around the same time.

The second time was all about me and I loved it. I had DS2 in March and Easter can be pretty rainy, so I spent hours in the tub with him, I watched some excellent box sets and then I decided to utilise my time to learn the Thriller dance via youtube - some say a total waste of time, I say blissful time to do what I wanted to do.

If I had my time again, I would take the time to learn French and would spend loads of time meditating.

Probably not practical with a newborn unless they're relatively easy (both of mine were but disaster toddlers!) but it's something to think about.

You don't have to only do things that focus on your baby, spend some time looking into your own interests. And congratulations!

I would ask HV about local groups z I found the majority in my area seem to run on word of mouth so once I'd been to one I met other people who told me about more. Unfortunately this relies on finding the first one.

With dc1 I did a lot of walking. We went across fields, through woods, long all day hikes. Dc slept in the sling, and I simply stopped to bf or change her as required. I miss those days!

With dc2 it was harder as I had 2 under 2 so couldn't carry both. I went to baby groups at the church, a free music group at the sure start centre, got a double pram so we could go for some shorter walks, and went to the toddler rhyme time session at the library. I struggled not so much with isolation as the enforced sendentary life. I don't like sitting around and with little ones a lot of your day involves sitting feeding, or playing.

You could see if there's an NCT bumps & babies group, they are for any age baby. I took my baby to one when she was very small and they took it in turns to meet up at each others' houses so that might suit you better? Otherwise don't worry about contacting your Health Visitor, that is what they are there for!

It's lovely having time with your little one but you need adult companionship too.

sorry to hear this. When DD was this age the local surestart was a life saver for me but sadly a lot have been closed down including my local one. The surestart ran a new baby course where I made friends with two other mums as here were only 3 of us on the course.

I would go to the toddler groups if there are no baby groups in your area, there is usually an area for younger children and they are usually friendly. I also found doing a baby sensory class helped as well. Sounds a bit rubbish as frankly baby was either asleep or feeding but it did give me focus for that day.

Other than that I walked loads and went to different supermarkets in nearby towns to fill my days (and buy biscuits ).

Do you have a library nearby that does a singing session? I went to ours from about 5 weeks and it was nice to get out and see people? Is there a church toddler group, they're usually inclusive of age.

I found the Hoop app really useful for searching for groups and other ideas for things to do. It listed the library rhyme time sessions and the local pool's family sessions as well as lots of groups in the local area and baby friendly sessions at the local soft play. I also saw lots of parent and baby activities listed on noticeboards outside the baby change in the supermarket and coffee shops.

Yes definitely call your HV! They'll be glad you called and should be able to signpost you to groups in the area. Try out your local libraries, the ones round me all have free groups where they sing nursery rhymes and read stories, then have a stay and play session afterwards. Someone else suggested this too but see if any local churches have baby groups. They're often free or only a couple of pounds as a donation. I felt the same when my baby was little and has to force myself out but it was worth it. It will get better xx

Library sessions for babies/postnatal yoga/baby music/baby swim?

Honestly, its prob not what you want to hear buy your bubba is so young just enjoy the time you have with her at home and catching up on some sleep, housework, cooking, social media or any hobbies such as gaming, sewing, drawing ect.
However, I do know how you feel, when I was on mat leave with our ds. Where we lived I physically couldn't get the travel system down 3 flights of stairs just to leave the house, again, my work was too far and everyone was at work during day. I spent my time on fb and insta, some phone calls but caught up on things in the house too!

I got very low after my first so with my others I made sure I got out and about. Rhyme time at your local library is good and it's free , I did that from 4 weeks , music with mummy about £4.50 a session though you need to pay termly. Church baby groups usually £1.50 a session, buggy boot camp where you go for a long walk with lots of other mummies , baby getting fresh air and you're getting fit. Look on FB there will be loads on there. My youngest is 2 now so I only do 1 group a week as he attends nursery but before that I'd do 2-3 a week. Some days if I couldn't be bothered we would just have a day at home or just walk to the shops

Gosh this really takes me back to my first. It's horrible isn't it? You seem to go from busy busy filled up work/social life to just holding a baby staring out the window wondering what on earth happened. I can't say I really enjoyed either maternity but I did stay off for 10 months for both and I'm so glad I did as they get so much more interesting later.

For now, practical advice. Firstly as PP have said get in touch with other groups. For me it was contacting our local NCT group co-ordinator who arranges coffee morning locally occasionally which put me touch with women within a mile in the same boat and we started regular meet ups and walks. Secondly I would suggest you get a bit of paper and draw up a schedule from Mon to Fri that consists of two blocks - morning and afternoon. Then find 10 activities to fill them which can be baby groups, park walk, swimming, shopping in town centre, national trust place, coffee in coffee shop etc. Basically things that are out of the house. Then another list of ten 'things' that are age appropriate. For a 5 week old you'd need to google but sensory play on mat, lights dancing over a sheet draped above the babies face etc. Others will know more than me I'm sure.

Basically you can deviate from the programme anytime you like but at least then you have a PLAN, rather than waking up going 'oh god, what am I going to do today'. It is tedious and relentless at that age so you have my full sympathy. They get so much better I promise.