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Original poster

Feeling uncomfortable about child minder

33 replies

Purplegecko · 23/09/2018 01:02

How do I go about telling our child minder we will be removing our child and finding somewhere else? I have childminder on social media and some of the things she posts are not at all very nice and some seem directed at me in particular. They ring some alarm bells, to be honest. In short I just don't feel comfortable with this person being alone with my child. I'm quite shy and non-confontational and am also a bit concerned about finding alternative childcare immediately at this time of the year. Any advice?

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catkind · 23/09/2018 01:10

Hmm that's awkward. Probably just lie. Can you point to something in the setting that isn't her fault that isn't working for your DC? How long has child been there, how old? E.g. we don't feel DC is settling well and are going to try a different type of setting/your location isn't working for us/...?

Is it serious enough to leave without a backup childcare in place? If not get hunting now. Is nursery or after school club or nanny or anything else an option?

catkind · 23/09/2018 01:11

But not too blatant lie - if you use a different local childminder she may well know them or see them out at groups!

stellabird · 23/09/2018 01:16

I also have a shy and non-confrontational personality - I know how you feel. But if you are uncomfortable about this person being with your child, that has to come first. Find someone else and then pull the child out with a "thank you and goodbye" to the child minder.

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mindutopia · 23/09/2018 11:30

I would just send her a message and say you’re removing your dc effective immediately. You don’t have to give details as to why. You can if she asks. You may have to pay for time you’ve already contracted her for (check your contract). If you think her social media posts (about children?) are a safeguarding issue, then report it to Ofsted.

Original poster
Purplegecko · 23/09/2018 13:52

I had to bite the bullet and told her I was withdrawing my child immediately without notice due to her unprofessionalism and have messaged a few minders on the child care website. Have managed to scrape together some friends to help with childcare whilst I'm working this week. Thanks all

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penguinseatfish · 23/09/2018 14:16

What exactly was she posting that made you uncomfortable?

Original poster
Purplegecko · 23/09/2018 15:17

I'm not sure how to best explain it, I have a partner and also a male best friend and she was accusing me of being involved with this male best friend. I'm more concerned with the comments which talked about "dealing with [me]" and "sorting [me] out", complete with winking emojis. Very immature and bizarre behaviour. I did check the posts were about me with a mutual party this morning before sending her a message, of course. Also posts that are just generally vitriolic and mean spirited and we raise our child with lots of love and light and if she posts that publicly it does make me wonder what she says behind closed doors. I tend to have a good feel for things and have just become increasingly more uncomfortable. Not behaviour I'd expect an adult to display let alone someone I have this kind of relationship with.

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user1492951343 · 23/09/2018 15:24

Hi, I would also give her notice in writing ASAP as you probably have to give and pay for the notice period which will be on your contract. I have a four week notice period and believe this is fairly standard. Call your local council tomorrow as they will have a team who can help you with find someone more suitable.

cactusplant · 23/09/2018 15:26

Are you sure you're not being paranoid?

itswinetime · 23/09/2018 15:29

Is your childminder a friend of yours? She seems to know a lot about you! How do you know the statuses are about you can you post examples seems very odd for a professional

Original poster
Purplegecko · 23/09/2018 16:03

Cactus, I double checked with her daughter it was about me.

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Namechangeforthiscancershit · 23/09/2018 16:05

The childminder’s own daughter admitted the posts were about you? Hmm this is nuts. Hope you find someone else really soon.

Original poster
Purplegecko · 23/09/2018 16:12

Yes I went to school with her daughter. We are now in our mid 20s, her daughter still lives with her, so I'm assuming she sees me in the same light as her child perhaps. Lesson learned to not use someone I know as a child minder.

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Original poster
Purplegecko · 23/09/2018 16:13

I would really love to post the photos and texts but fear I'd out myself more than I potentially already have done! Bonkers and childish behaviour. Now I've gotten over my initial upset I'm laughing incredulously at the entire situation!

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GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 23/09/2018 16:15

Is she an actual registered with Ofsted childminder?

Original poster
Purplegecko · 23/09/2018 16:17

As far as I'm aware yes she is

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whatshappenednow · 23/09/2018 16:18

Gosh that is so unprofessional and immature, we’ll done for getting rid OP.

I see a lot of nannies and childminders as I work in an area in London where there are a LOT of private pre-preps and if the parents could see what some of them were like they would be shocked.

whatshappenednow · 23/09/2018 16:19

“Well done” not “we’ll done” Grin

Betsy86 · 23/09/2018 16:20

Sou professional!! You are right to take your dd out!

HollowTalk · 23/09/2018 16:22

I would report her to OFSTED. She's so unprofessional and crosses so many boundaries.

whatshappenednow · 23/09/2018 16:25

SIL’s daughter was found to have posted nasty stuff on Facebook when she was in a job probabtion and they got rid of her instantly. She actually had no idea what she was posting was offensive, she said it was a joke. (She was calling people a slang word for pedophile and she knew what it meant but just thought it was funny. ShockHmm)

Check social networks!

itswinetime · 23/09/2018 16:49

Sorry I'm jut baffled how anyone can be so dense. So are we talking things like 'urgh late with payments again going to have to have a word.' Or vaugue comments that seem to be about your life like or 'I hate cheaters going to have to sort someone out?'

Both baffle me but I'm confused why she would care so much about your personal life? even if you did go to school with her daughter. Is she related to one of the 2 men with best friend of dh? I'm also confused why her daughter would throw her under the bus so quickly!

Did she reply to you text on withdrawing dd?

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 23/09/2018 16:51

As far as I'm aware yes she is

How come you don’t know this for certain? Can you find out?

whatshappenednow · 23/09/2018 17:14

“Both baffle me but I'm confused why she would care so much about your personal life? ”

Because some people are just like that. Plus they don’t know how to use social media, or don’t care.

People boast about money they have stolen and crimes they have committed on Facebook etc. They use it to send passive aggressive messages (which this may have been) and to show off to others and.

It doesn’t matter whether the posts were about you or not though op, anyone saying they were going to sort someone out (do they mean attack them?) should not be around children.

whatshappenednow · 23/09/2018 17:15

...and for a miriad of unsavoury things.

(Don’t know what happened there!)