I hate being a mum

[30GoingOn13]

My DD is 5 weeks old and so far I hate being a mum. My daughter is, for the most part, a delight. She is sleeping well, feeding well and generally well behaved. But I have yet to take a single day of enjoyment from her. I feel like I’m on a hamster wheel with no way of ever getting off. I’m breastfeeding and it sucks. It hurts, she is cluster feeding and having regular grow spurts and sometimes I just want her to leave me alone. I have no time to myself. I am with her 24/7 and it’s driving me mad. When she cries or wants something it’s always when I’m in the middle of doing something for me, like showering or attempting to put my make up on, so I can feel at least a bit human and not look like a sack of shit. I’ve shouted back at her when she cries and have put her down roughly a few times. Honestly I just want her to leave me alone. Some days I’m good and I can get up, shower and take on the day. Other days I can’t get out of bed and dread a day filled with just looking after her and being a slave to her every need. I feel trapped. I feel like this will never end. I miss my husband. I miss my dogs. I miss my old life. I’m fat and insecure. None of my old clothes fit. I feel like my life is ruined. I take no pleasure in anything any more. I’m just here to feed and change her. My husband and I are arguing already and she is only 5 weeks. What will happen when she is 5 months, 5 years? I am dreading it. Everything is so bloody difficult now, even the most simple of tasks and it’s driving me mad. None of this is fun. I just want out and I want my life back. What the hell do I do?

I honestly could not be assed breast feeding in public so I either expressed or took ready made formula. Try getting a big bottle of ready made formula and give her 1 ounce every feed I think you can use it for 24 hours. Hopefully she will get used to it that way and maybe you can breast feed and formula feed. She's still getting nutrients from your milk but also your getting a break! Having a newborn is NOT easy and unfortunately for some mums there DH work a lot which means you don't have 5 mins for a shower or a sit on the toilet

Darn it no bloody new paragraphs! Sorry am on my phone

Op I think a lot of us hate the baby stage

OP, I could of written this word for word 5 months ago. In fact, I did!!! and it was the best thing I did. I spoke to the health visitor the next day, she phoned the GP and by the afternoon I had a referral to the perinatal MH team and some antidepressants to treat my PND.

Fast forward a few weeks and life was soooooo much better. Literally in the space of a week, the fog cleared.

Fast forward to now and I friggin love my life. I'm excited to wake up in the morning and spend the day with DS. We go out all the time and I look forward to cosy pajama days at home which are rare as we are always out and about I absolutely enjoy every second I spend with him, he's the bestest beat baby in the whole world. I make the most out of every moment. He is the joy of my life.

Please, please phone your GP in the morning and explain to the receptionist you had your baby 5 weeks ago and think you have PND. They will sort you out. Its so bloody common and it's all to do with your hormones dipping after pretty much a year of being pregnant and then birthing the bub! It's not you, it's your hormones! It's such a quick and easy fix too.

There is so much hope and a light at the end of the tunnel for you. It's SUCH a massive change for both you and DH but you're doing so well.

Please speak to GP and HV. It will get sorted and you'll be where I am in a matter of weeks xx

The putting her down roughly is one thing, but don’t worry too much about the shouting - she’s not going to remember! I told my son to shut up once when he was tiny just as my husband came in the room. That went down well but I am fairly sure it hasn’t affected him! Xx

spiky you sound like you could do with a bit of help too. Lots of parenthood is indeed a drudge but you can still enjoy life x

You've had some amazing responses here OP, but I couldn't read and run because I feel for you and sounds like you're amazing.

Give yourself a break, if you're sad/angry/frustrated/anxious or whatever, that's all perfectly normal.

However, if you feel it's becoming too difficult and you're concerned please speak to someone, your HV, GP, a friend. Support is out there (not as much as there should be, I see you live in Norfolk, as do I).

It won't always be like this, it gets easier and if you need some extra support along the way then you should get it. In the meantime, do whatever you can to make it easier, whether that be asking friends and family for help, time alone, switching to formula etc.

I really struggled with not knowing what was wrong, hence the crying, til after the problem had been solved.
I found that very stressful

Totally normal to feel like this OP. I felt like DS was a leech for the first 3 months of his life, constantly sucking the life out of me. Now he's 5 months old and while I'm still pretty knackered 99% of the time I get more back from him likes giggles and smiles. His little personality is really starting to shine and we can now play silly games like peek a boo etc, sounds pathetic but makes such a difference when they start responding to you I promise.

Re the formula it took us 2 diff attempts at brands to find one DS liked so stick with it. You can also mix your breastmilk with it to begin with and slowly alter the % of formula up, sneaky way to get them swapped over. It also took us a couple of diff brand bottles and a few nights of screaming to get him used to a bottle, again just try it one feed at a time. For me stopping breastfeeding was so freeing as finally my DH could do half the work and I got some time back to myself. Stop BF when you are happy to stop, my DH had zero say in this.

Stick with the baby group I basically go to mine to vent or ask for advice, no one there will judge you.

As for the BF, the day your husband lactates he can have an opinion.

Thank you all so much for your responses. I feel a lot better knowing that I’m not alone in the way I’m feeling. I will definitely call my health worker tomorrow as she is aware I’ve had a low mood of late and offered help if I felt it was getting worse. I can’t continue like this, it’s not fair on my baby.

Everything you wrote is exactly how I felt with DD1. I hated it, didn’t feel a bond, missed anything of my own (time to myself, my body, etc). I didn’t ask for help but cried all day every day whilst my mum friends were telling me how much they loved being a mum.
My DD has CMPA which others have mentioned re the formula, I gave up BF at 6 weeks, cried even more because I felt liked I’d failed her. It was the best thing I did, it meant my DH helped out with feeds and I could leave the house even to walk the block for me time.
Please be open & honest with your friends and Mum friends, ask your gp for help, it sounds like the start of PND and with a little help your life will drastically improve.
Also your DH has no say in whether you BF or bottle, it’s your body you do what is best for you. A happy mum = a happy baby.
Avoid Baby groups until your baby is 5-6 months.
I’ve got a second baby now who’s 7 months, I’ve suffered PND both times, this time less because I promised myself I’d ask for help, it’s not failing, it takes enormous strength to ask for help.
It does get easier, sort some you time with your DH so you can go for a walk/Gym/coffee etc. It will get easier but there’ll still be down days, you just learn to cope better. I cried through bedtime routine this evening, but I know tomorrow will hopefully be better. Sending hugs, you’re not alone.x

That's not fair. We don't have a high birthrate in the UK and most first time mums don't really know what to expect. I expected mine to be able to be put down to bloody nap because everyone td.me they require 15 hours of sleep 🙄

Oh get lost stressed! What the hell is the purpose of your post. Every mother I know has been shocked by the intensity in which a baby takes over your life. So it was easy for you, great - did you ever consider everyone else doesn't share the exact same experiences as you?

WTF stressed? No call for that.

Didn't say it was easy for me far from it. If the op suspects she has pnd she should get help , but her post did not come across as that.

ODFOD.

Oh she's shouted at a 5 week old baby and put her down roughly? A guy who admitted doing that with his child a few weeks ago on here was told to leave the family home! She does need help ASAP

Sorry you're feeling like this. You must get some help asap. Things will get better, you just need some support. Good luck op, let us know how you get on.

Thanks everyone for your support. I will call my GP tomorrow and get this nipped in the bud. Now I’ve said it all out loud I realise I need some support. Will keep you all posted. Thank you so much. Xxx

That's great op. Take care, it will get better

Crikey the first few weeks are awful, it’s ok to say so! I hated it (and bf) with both of mine, but as many people have said it does get better. One thing I found helpful was to look back and see how far we’d come rather than keep obsessing about the next milestone (which we never seemed to get to); it will get better, and soon. Hang in there - the best is yet to come

So glad you're getting help today, OP. Please do keep us posted!!! In a couple of weeks you will feel soooooo much better!!

I was just thinking of you too, 30; chin up, you're great!

To be clear, that isn't a good reason to keep breastfeeding. Unless you husband is planning on breastfeeding your baby himself, you are the one that gets to decide.

Absofuckinglutely.