Does it get better?

[charley39]

I don’t really know what I’m looking for just some support I guess. My DS has just turned 7 months and I am absolutely drained by looking after him. I dread every day now as soon as he wakes up as he is just such hard work. Daytime naps have never been his strong point but around 5-6 months we had got into a good routine with 2-3 good naps a day and would sleep if we were out and about. Since he has learnt how to crawl it has gone from bad to worse. Daytime sleeps are sometimes totalling 1hr all day and by bedtime he is inconsolable. As a result of this his nighttime sleep is now being affected and so I’m up constantly during the night aswell. If out he won’t sleep in his pushchair anymore and I’m lucky if he will even sit in it without complaining. He had bad colic at the start, then reflux but between 5-6months he was a pleasure to look after most days. I think the crawling has made his reflux worse aswell which isn’t helping. I can’t leave the room as he is constantly going everywhere he shouldn’t be even if I try my hardest to block all areas. Won’t be held anymore as just wants to get down and crawl all the time. Every nappy change is a fight as he wants to get up. Just feels like everything is a battle all day. I knew having a baby wasn’t meant to be easy and I thought I was coping relatively well apart from the odd wobble.

I feel like now I’m getting really bad anxiety. As soon as he starts to whine or moan I just feel completely out of control and get so stressed out. I know most of the time this isn’t rational and he isn’t necessarily being bad but it’s got to the point where a slight whine and my heart is pounding.

I suppose I’m just wondering if anyone else has been through this and if there is any light at the end of the tunnel?

Sorry for rambling!

Yes. When I had a baby I was so consumed by it I thought everything would go on forever. I couldn’t see I would ever read a book again or sleep again or not feel like death again or even stop breast feeding. Which is odd as I’ve never seen a 14 year old kid still breast feeding and being so demanding that the Mum couldn’t sleep or read but in my tired mind I felt this was now my life forever. I can’t tell you when but it just slowly gets easier each day until you turn round and realise they nearly don’t need you and unbelievably you then feel all sad and wish they were little again. Ridiculous but that’s parenting. Hang on in there xx

Also, I remember complaining to my cousin about how hard it was and she asked me specifically what he was doing and the answer was nothing- just being a baby. I just used to think I wasn’t cut out for the whole shenanigans some days!

Yes!

Mine is 21 months. I now read books and sleep. It happens.

Hang in there, you're tougher than you realise 🍫☕️

Thank you @Vinylsamso I know there are probably babies that are far worse than him but to me it’s just so full on I don’t know what day of the week it is. Glad to know I’m not the only one who thinks like this!

Thanks @thereareflowersinmygarden I can’t remember the last time I was able to pick up a book! Glad to see there is hope.

We are also in the process of moving house which wasn’t planned so that’s just adding to the stress of it all trying to deal with paperwork, emails and calls!

Unless everyone I know is weird. I said it’s more unusual to find it easy than it is to be found sobbing on your Mums/ sisters/ friends doorstop saying “I can’t do this anymore, help meeeeee”
I’d say try and reach out more to other people in real life. Unless you know a load of assholes they will probably be very sympathetic and you may even be able to have a good laugh about it all. The absolute audacity of these babies turning up and sucking the life out of you is something me and my friends love to swop stories about😂

Some babies just seem to hate being babies. They are often a lot happier once they learn to eat, walk, talk. If you haven't run away by then, you will start to enjoy him more , the closer he gets to toddlerhood.

I have a 4 year old and a 9 month old. Things get so much better. My 4 year old plays on her own happily for an hour these days. Feels like a mini holiday when she does that while the baby naps.
How is your baby going to sleep for the naps and what times are they?

@Vinylsamso most people I know don’t have babies or I get the response of that’s just what babies do! Which is very unhelpful!

@Toofle yes I always thought he was very frustrated with not being able to do more. I thought that now he has mastered crawling and can whizz around the room that this would help but it seems to have made things worse! Hopefully once walking and talking come this will ease!

@LapinR0se he goes back down in his cot now for naps since he started crawling as I can’t get him to stay still and safe if I leave the room if not! Prior to this he would sleep on his play mat and would often just drift off on his own when he was ready. Now he requires shhing noise to be played along with me stroking his head. This only works for the first two naps a day but the third one is out of the question most days. Like today he has been awake since 1.30pm and refused his afternoon nap. Again naps are hit and miss in the sense that some days he will have 30-45 mins twice a day and other days he can have 1-2hrs twice a day.

He’s definitely too old for a 3 nap day.
You can do one nap of 45 mins in the morning and a 2hr 15 or 2hr 30 lunch nap.
Put him in his cot and stroke his head with the shh sounds until he is almost asleep but leave him to do the last little bit on his own. And keep the shh music on for the duration of the nap

@LapinR0se the trouble is when he only has two naps which are 30-45 mins he’s a nightmare come the afternoon so I try again. He just seems so miserable if he doesn’t go to sleep after 2-3hours. We had got into the pattern of letting him settle by just playing the shhing noise and walking away and he was fine with this but now suddenly requires more input. Hoping it’s just a phase. I agree he should have 2 good sleeps a day and this be enough but it’s hard if he just catnaps. Also if his first sleep of the day is 30-45mins it makes for a miserable baby all day.

You’ve got to extend his catnap. That’s why he is miserable. It’s ok for the morning nap but the lunchtime one needs to be a solid 2-2.5 hrs

@LapinR0se easier said than done when you’ve got a stubborn baby. Once he is awake he is awake no matter how hard I try

Leave him for up to 20 mins.

@LapinR0se I’ll try that but I’m not holding out a lot of hope. Thanks

Is his room blacked out?
At 7 months we were doing
7am wake
9.15 - 10am first nap
12.45-3pm second nap
6.30pm bed

@LapinR0se yes as dark as we can get it. We did buy the blackout sheets when it was the summer but we have odd shaped windows with fitted blinds so it didn’t work very well. Once we’ve moved house he will have blackout curtains. Will try stretching his morning sleep to a bit later tomorrow and see how we get on. We’ve had a couple of holidays recently so it’s thrown his routine out slightly but hoping to get something more set now.

Good luck. Try and take care of yourself a bit. It is so tiring having a tired cranky baby. But he will turn a corner and so will you

@LapinR0se thank you for your help. I’m sure we will too. Just hard to see it when your in it. A bit like when he had colic I didn’t think that would ever end and it did!

I found 7 months particularly hard with my first. I even ended up in tears at the children's centre (they made me a tea and sandwich, such was my state).

It does get better

At 7 months we had to cut down the morning nap in order to get a decent lunchtime nap

We were doing something like this

7 awake
9:15-9:45 nap
1-3 nap
7 bed

I think you should try cutting the morning nap back so that he is ready for a long nap in the afternoon. I know it's hard but it gets easier as they grow and I found that one day he was suddenly entertaining himself a bit. That probably came around 12-13 months.

Do you go to any baby groups? It can help to see that other babies in the same age group are doing the same!

Oh by 9 months he dropped his morning nap and the lunchtime nap moved back to 11:45-1:45. I then edged it forward to 12:30-14:30

@sleepyhollow1 glad to know I’m not the only one who breaks down in tears. It’s a daily occurrence atm but luckily only when I’m at home!

@autumn18 I will definitely try this tomorrow and see how we get on. Fingers crossed it works. I think I got used to being able to plonk him down and know he couldn’t get very far but now it’s just made me so restrictive in what I can do!

Would your baby amuse himself in a baby prison? There’s some pretty big ones that they can have a good crawl in and a good play in

@rubyroot we did look at a few but they all seemed pretty small and I think he would get frustrated with being restricted. Do you know where they sell the bigger ones at all?

I got one from eBay- surreal- I think it’s pretty big and you can but extra panels to make bigger. There’s surreal castle and surreal bear I think- something like that