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Parenting

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Original poster

To have another child?

31 replies

MaNeOi · 09/09/2018 21:54

I currently have four sons (ages 9,7 and twins 5).

Now they're all settled in school, I want another one - my husband isn't against the idea but has said that he think if we have one more we'd actually have to have two because of the age gaps to my other kids, so they'd have a sibling close in age.

I am wondering if anyone thinks 5/6 children is to many? And just opinions on the general situation.

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LoniceraJaponica · 09/09/2018 21:56

Why do you want more children? Do you only feel fulfilled when bringing up children? Do you not have a job? Do you not want to move on from raising babies? Do you realise how expensive children become when they are teenagers? What about when they go to university?

Original poster

MaNeOi · 09/09/2018 22:04

@LoniceraJaponica I can only assume your message is one of judgement?

I want more children because I love the ones I have, and I'd love to do it again.

I'm an accountant and my husband and I own our own firm, I didn't stay at home with any of my kids and wouldn't if I had anymore instead a couple of days of nursery and working at home as well.

I have a lot of interests outside of my children- busy social life, good workout routine etc.

Finally my husband and I are more than comfortable financially, however that being said theres a lot more to having children than money.

OP posts:

TokyoSushi · 09/09/2018 22:07

Go for it OP, sounds like you're in a good position, good luck!

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Onlyfools · 09/09/2018 22:15

Everyone is different. 5-6 kids is way too much for me personally but I’m a very attached person and I like to feel connected and have lots of focus on individual child (not saying you can’t or won’t have this but I struggle). When my second child was born it took me absolutely ages to get over the time taken from my first child. I honestly resented it until second child got older and I felt I could spend more time equally with them.

On the other hand the buzz and bond in a larger family in my head seems amazing and sometimes I wish I could create that for my kids. But I know i couldn’t. I need things very orderly and organised and two kids is plenty for me.

You are a different person however and whatever suits you is what’s best for you. I recognise that longing for another child I definitely had it before my second child was born. It was all consuming and I became desperate. Who knows it could happen again but I really will try to talk myself out of it!

MaryDollNesbitt · 09/09/2018 22:36

Okay, so realistically, nobody needs five or six children. To my mind it's a bit much, OP, though I say that as a parent to an only child. I personally think anyone having more than one is bloody balmy

Only you and your husband can really answer this question. I guess, shoving your heart's desires aside, the boring bits would be:

Is your house big enough?
Will your cars squeeze in more kiddies?
While you're in a comfortable financial position now with four, will the same apply with five or six children? And will it apply when you have four teenage sons in the house and one/two younger sibling/s to support, also?
How do you think your four sons would feel about you adding to your family?
Will your business be adversely affected by adding to your family? Running a business and managing family life when four children are already in the picture is quite a heavy load, OP. I take my hat off to you both. Have you guys talked through how to manage things and keep the ship afloat if you create more tiny humans?

How old are you and DH?

Original poster

MaNeOi · 09/09/2018 23:08

@Onlyfools Thanks for your reply, sorry you struggled when your second child was born, and you are right I love the buzz of all my kids running around and however odd it may sound I think I'd love to see my boys being 'big brothers' given my oldest was 4 the twins were born!

@MaryDollNesbitt I had the same reaction when I announced I was pregnant with the twins! My youngest was only 18 months when I announced and my family and friends thought I was loosing it!

To answer your questions
-We live in a six bed in the country side and are in the process of putting quite an extensive extension on so there would be enough room inside and out for all kids.
-We have a seven seater at the moment so could fit one, a sixth would require a new car (although I think if we had a 5th we would get a bigger car regardless so it wasn't a big squeeze).
-Truthfully money isn't a factor, my husband and I are certain providing for current and future children would be an issue.

I know my youngest would be happy, they constantly ask to be big brothers! I think my older two would be happy in the long run although I know they'd want a little sister!
The business has quite a clear structure which means although me and my husband are heavily involved it can (however much we like to think it can't) run quite well without us being there all the time.

Finally, I am 35 and DH 36 so if we have more its a next two years scenario. :)

OP posts:

Kintan · 09/09/2018 23:11

Hmm I wouldn’t do it. Everyone is different, but if you and your DH both have busy jobs etc could you really give more (and the existing!) children the time and attention they need?

Mrsbclinton · 09/09/2018 23:24

Personally 5 would be too many for me. I have three & would struggle emotionally & financially if we had more

However you seem to be sorted for money & space so I would say go for it if its what you both really want.

ineedaholidaynow · 09/09/2018 23:32

How much time do you get to spend with your current children, especially as you have busy working lives? I find it quite challenging sometimes ferrying one to sports fixtures/ scouts, helping with homework and generally having downtime with them. Don't know how you do that with 4, never mind adding at least one more into the mix

Original poster

MaNeOi · 09/09/2018 23:47

Now all my kids are at school I work in the office around 9-3, the clubs are organised so they are all up to the same things on the same day- swimming, football, cubs, karate. We live very close to there school and the clubs so the moving them isn't to much of an issue. My husband gets home around 5:30/6 so we then eat then bath/book/bed.

My husband and I make sure we do at least one 'fun' family activity a week - go trampolining, the cinema or something one of them has a special interest in, additionally we will sometimes do activities with just one or two of the kids to get a bit more quality time with them.

I don't feel my kids are lacking in love and attention and if anything if I had one more it would probably get more attention than some of my older ones given at one point I had four under the age of five.

OP posts:

EssexMummy11 · 09/09/2018 23:55

If you and your husband are both happy to have more kids why not? I would personally have more kids but I'm still in my early 20s with my second on the way and still studying. 5/6 is not a lot if you and your husband have the time and resources to look after all your babies hun.

Howhot · 10/09/2018 00:10

It would be too many for me personally. You say you want to "do it all again" which I find confusing because the children you have are still so young and you have so much yet to come. I know I wouldn't be able to split my time between so many children to a satisfactory level either. But that's me.

FranticallyPeaceful · 10/09/2018 08:58

I think you’re barking mad but also I don’t see a problem at all if that’s what you want.
I have three and I’m going to keep it at that, purely because I’m being selfish and want some time to myself eventually- otherwise I’d have more in a heartbeat

nailsathome · 10/09/2018 09:04

I have 4 DCs and if I were in your position with a big enough house, strong finances etc I'd absolutely have 2 or 3 more. I say go for it.

WildCherryBlossom · 10/09/2018 09:10

It sounds like you have it fairly clear in your head and could manage. Just one more thing to ponder - at the moment they are still quite young and activities sound like they are very local. If they start to pursue activities, sports etc more competitively that can take you further afield. We have to plan our weekends extremely carefully and frequently at least one child has to miss out on something to enable another to compete in sports or other events. Do you have family / friends who you can do lift shares with? One of mine in particular is extremely sporty and often has to be driven long distances at the weekend. Logistics can get complicated.

Original poster

MaNeOi · 10/09/2018 23:07

Thanks for the responses everyone! The do it again is just that baby feeling - I had six years of always having a 'baby' and miss aspects of it and also feel with the experience of the my DC's I would be able to relax a little and enjoy it more if I did again.

I currently share most of the lifts for the boys - my eldest plays at a high level for his age at Cricket and my husband does the runs for this as he also quite enjoys being with the Dads at the cricket club. If the others got into a higher level we would do with it as an when, but we are always setting up some kind of lift share so only every other Monday has me running the four of them about haha.

OP posts:

Goostacean · 10/09/2018 23:13

The other question you should consider is, what if the next baby has special needs or another disability? Or what if the pregnancy impacted your health significantly? (Rhetorical questions but worth thinking about.)

Original poster

MaNeOi · 10/09/2018 23:35

@Goostacean Very good questions, and ones to definitely ponder. My motto with all my kids is hope for happy and healthy babies and cross any bridges when needed. :)

OP posts:

Juls1980 · 10/09/2018 23:38

This is a question of happiness isn't it? If having children makes you, your husband and the children you already have happy and fulfilled, just do it.
I'd say the only reasons not to would be:

medical issues
ability to care for existing children
money If none of those matter - why not?

treegone · 11/09/2018 00:20

I don't have any advice as I'm stopping with my three, but I wanted to say that your post makes me think you would be bringing a baby/babies into a loved, secure and happy environment and they'd thrive. You had twins though, is there a higher chance you could have triplets this time?!

snop · 11/09/2018 00:23

I love kids too and if money wasn't an issue I would have lots, if you can afford it op go for it.

Monday55 · 11/09/2018 01:04

I had six years of always having a 'baby' and miss aspects of it and also feel with the experience of the my DC's I would be able to relax a little and enjoy it more if I did again.

All fun and games when they're babies. but teen boys who play sport can easily scoff through a large pizza each. You literally have a family who will eat enough food for 10 people in one seating when they get to teen years.

Your time sounds stretched too among 4 kids as it is. I hope you're not secretly chasing a baby girl.

Original poster

MaNeOi · 11/09/2018 01:12

@Monday55 I don't feel stretched with my current situation, if I did I wouldn't consider having anymore..

Very aware of the teen boys eating situation, already feel like I'm feeding 10 at tea time, think it's just a matter of doubling up meals and having a lot of snacks and toast they can help themselves to.

In relation to the baby girl, I don't care as I said happy and healthy is all I think about - didn't find out the gender for and of the kids until they were handed to me.

OP posts:

Goostacean · 11/09/2018 01:17

I’m actually quite envious you’re having to make this decision, I’ve concluded- after being determined for many years not to have kids- that I want five But preferably one at a time, I take my hat off to you with twins!

Goostacean · 11/09/2018 01:18

Oh, forgot to say- I’ve currently only got one. But he’s so deliciously perfect that I want many more :):):)

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