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Parenting

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Original poster

so do i really have to go and read endless books on how to introduce a second child into the family, or can you lot tell me all i need to know?

26 replies

InternationalMouseOfMystery · 08/06/2007 07:29

i'm guessing i have to include ds (2) a lot

and refer to the new baby as "his brotehr" etc

any other must-dos (or musn't-dos)?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

sleepycat · 08/06/2007 07:31

This reply has been deleted

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lizziemun · 08/06/2007 08:19

I haven't read dd a book about a "new" baby, just included her.

It's no longer my baby but our's and she has one in her tummy to.

fillyjonk · 08/06/2007 08:23

just be very very nice to him

DO treat the baby with respect and kindness. Otherwise, why should he?

I don't think you CAN prepare a toddler, really. Tell them whats going on but really, I'd put the energy into to making their life as easy and normal as possible after the birth, also YOUR life.

This is a lifelong relationship here, you are ALWAYS going to be trying to get your ds to accept his brother . Sorry.

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fillyjonk · 08/06/2007 08:24

also-you don't know what its like having 2 kids til you do. Sorry, but you don't.

so you can't really prepare him

am not being much use, am i? am trying to say you will be fine if you just wing it, use common snese, and have lots of freezer meals.

uberalice · 08/06/2007 08:25

The new baby should bring a really nice present for the older sibling.

ChasingSquirrels · 08/06/2007 08:29

presents from the new baby [groan] what have you got, a toy shop up there?

NoodleStroodle · 08/06/2007 08:29

When we had DD she gave DS (17 months) a present when he came to visit her for the first time. I'm not sure the rest of the maternity ward appreciated him running up and down with a dolls buggy...

Also I involved DS "helping" me with the new baby - passing me nappies at changing times etc

It's hard a time and expect some bad behaviour - it is just attention seeking to check that you have not forgotten him. I think we made a conscious effort to give DS some leeway. Also try to prime visitors, grandparents etc to make fuss of DS1 first before making fuss of the baby.

fillyjonk · 08/06/2007 08:30

what i'd read is not any of these books about preparing the toddler for the baby, but something more general about sibling relationships

like sibling rivalry sibling love

honestly, this is the EASY bit

fillyjonk · 08/06/2007 08:31

and absolutely second re the visitors

I have my List of people who cooed over dd first and relegated ds

they will NOT be invited round when db is born..

Loobyloo22 · 08/06/2007 10:05

My first child was a very good baby but looking back the transition from just me and my husband to having a child too was a struggle definitely. When I found out I was pregnant again I was terrified of going through that whole daunting, no sleep, tired baby stage. LOTS of people said to me that the transition from 1 child to 2 was more traumatic than from 0 children to 1. NOT SO! Baby 2 has come along and has just fitted in perfectly, we have been prepared for the change and it has been nothing short of wonderful. People say with the first child ignorance is bliss. Not so, it was a huge shocker to me and actually quite a traumatic time in my life that I was so unprepared.

ellieandhattie · 08/06/2007 10:17

My dd2 (21 weeks or is she 22??) has slotted in perfectly she is so contented and is used to waiting for things. DD1 ended up with anxiety eczema for the first 6 weeks tha tdd2 arrived (she had only ever been away from me for 1 night at a time and I was in hospital for 4 days as elective c section)DH did bring her in to see me but she hated it so was better when we got home, she loved all the little presents she got (friends got her little present like sticker book/hair clips etc) and all friends/family were fantastic at paying lots of attention to dd1 then dd2 which helped alot.

Occasionally I say to dd2 'you'll just have to wait a minute whilst I do this for dd1' so dd1 feels she is important
(most of the time dd2 either asleep or quite happy laying on her playmat watching) but apart from one incident when she was 3 weeks old (accidnetally tipped the moses basket over with dd2 in it ) on the whole shes not to bad with her little sister.

She has struggled with not having undivided attention (was very much our pfb and my parents first g/c so tad spoilt on attention) but now loves her baby sis especially as she laughs and chuckles so dd1 thinks she makes dd2 laugh.

She helps me get nappies etc and she has a changing mat/bath/cot etc for her dolly s if I am doing somethig with dd2 she can do the same with her dolly.

Age difference between mine is 2.4years

littleolwinedrinkerme · 08/06/2007 10:24

IMOM - just include your ds as much as possible and also ensure you/family/friends make as big of a fuss of him as with the new baby. I always remember the look on my DD1 face when my SIL gave her a card when DD2 was born with a HUGE 'I'm a big sister' badge on it - I think she wore it for months. Also DD2 (baby) gave her a present which was a Baby Annabel, DD1 couldn't quite believe that DD2 knew exactly what she wanted, how clever is that? she asked .
DD1 was just over 3 when DD2 was born. The other thing (and this can be hard) is to try and still have one to one time with him, loads of cuddles and do exactly what they want to do - even if it is only 30 mins at the end of the day. This was they don't feel pushed out. I remember in the sleep deprived early days of DD2 we really had to remind ourselves that DD1 was only 3 and still very much a child!! Good luck

littleolwinedrinkerme · 08/06/2007 10:28

Oops - also meant to say that they both adore each other and are at odds if one or the other is not at home. LOL and ellieandhattie post - reminds of when DD1 was being 'helpful' by picking DD2 up (@ 6wks old) and carrying her under her arms into the kitchen for me 'mummy I've got xxxx for you!' (across all the hard wooden floors) - couldn't 'tell her off' just very gently explained that DD2 could 'wriggle' at any point and slip out.

Loopymumsy · 08/06/2007 20:43

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katelyle · 08/06/2007 20:51

Mkae sure that the baby does his/her first smile, laugh, coo, words, steps - everything cute - to his/her sibling. Become practiced at an admiring and slightly envious tone when exclaiming (lying through your teeth) "Oh, he's never done that before - he does love his sister so much!" Work really hard at building their relationship - even if they fight other later, the basis of love will still be there. And there is nothing, I repeat nothing as sweet as the first time your older one says "we" and you realize she means her and her sibling, not her and you!

And keep a constant supply of chocolate buttons handy as bribes.

Bubble99 · 08/06/2007 20:56

A bit off topic, maybe. But FGS, make sure you take a few pictures of number two.

Don't over-compensate by being too nice to DS1. It will freak him out.

Original poster

InternationalMouseOfMystery · 08/06/2007 20:57

arf bubble

thanks all - keep it coming...

OP posts:

Bubble99 · 08/06/2007 21:02

And be prepared for the fact that he will resent him. Even if he can't tell you. Why on earth wouldn't he?

I distrust the ....'Oh! He/she just loves his/her new baby brother/sister brigade.

Bollocks.

He'll have to share you and he won't like it. One bit.

Bubble99 · 08/06/2007 21:10

This maybe a bit of twisted. But I've got four boys and have therfore been through this three times.

Try to recruit DS1 as the baby's 'defender.'

You will, obv, love and cuddle your new boy. But also draw attention to him when he cries and say 'he's noisy, isn't he?'

Backward psychology, maybe, but DS1 will be freaked out by the baby's crying, and if he thinks you are too, you can 'learn to love him' together.

Does that make sense?

wrinklytum · 08/06/2007 21:13

LOL Bubble,especially re the photo thing.Poor dd has not got half as many baby photos as ds.

katelyle · 08/06/2007 21:17

My dd and I occasionally had a private "isn't the baby a pain in the neck" conversation. It was really important that she realized that a lot of the things that irritated her about the baby irritated me - and any other right thinking person too! She used to like it when I adopted an 'oh no, not that dratted baby again - hang on, I'll just see to him them we can gat on with doing something more interesting" attitude. "Have some chocolate buttons while you're waiting" went down well at this point!

Bubble99 · 08/06/2007 21:19

Exactly katelyle. You are on the same wavelength.

ohsmellyjelly · 08/06/2007 21:25

I remember being terrified when dd2 on way, thinking it would be so much worse than having first. What if I don't love it as much etc etc. Mine are 20m apart (that's months not minutes lol) and I can honestly say that dd was so much easier than ds1! They just seem to fit in somehow, they are not tended to after every sneeze or breath so learn to be more independant and mine anyway sort of slotted into the routine ds and I already had. (this has also seemed true for 2 friends of mine who have had their 2nds since)

It's f*ing hard there's no doubt, double demands and not being able to nap with the 2nd but so worth it

Would agree with pressie from baby to older child and not letting older one feel left out. Other than that your instinct will take over!!

Good luck!! x

Psychobabble · 08/06/2007 21:30

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JoolsToo · 08/06/2007 21:32

I didn't 'prepare' either of my subsequent 2 of 3.

Never entered my head, never had a problem.

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