Sick of hearing “ she’s just like her daddy “

[Flower08]

who also has their mother in law always saying "just like her daddy!" “ she looks like her dad so much when she does that “
“ oh look she’s got our sides forehead “
“ oh look she’s going to have our sharp nose “
Not mentioning nothing about me when I’m there... i feel like I’ve had nothing to do with her I know some things frustrate me about her but her hearts in right place I’m just sick of hearing it now. She looks like us both. For one her dad has big sticky out ears and my daughter doesn’t, he also had small eyes and my daughter has big eyes like me. Wish I could tell her to feck off without no comeback lol
Best thing is my mum who’s lovely and not intrusive says she’s spit of me as a baby and looks like my side 😂 what is it with our parents.

MIL will then go home and start sending me photos of my partner as a baby and my daughter doesn’t even look like him. It wouldn’t bother me if she did but it’s just annoying, she’s always offering to take her out too bring her to me!!! My baby is 6 weeks old and I won’t be leaving her with anyone at all as I’m not ready and I don’t need her help at the moment I’m enjoying spending time on maternity leave with my baby. Would this annoy anyone
Else ?

How annoyed does your OH get with your mum for saying she looks like you?

Speaking for myself here, but my mum just never said those things. Never went on about DD looking like our side of the family (because, well, she didn’t), never went on about this trait or that behaviour being like me, never bought a single item of clothing/book/whatever with MUMMY all over it. She just didn’t.

@OwlDoll
My exp too, both my mother and father are dead- so it makes the comments so much worse. Must be a MIL thing by all the comments on here. I don't know about it being an evolutionary thing or the fact that she dotes on her son etc.

To be honest, I feel it is a territorial thing and she hasn't let go of her baby.

My boyfriend has brown eyes, so does his mother. I have blue eyes like my Mum and inherited her blue eyes against my father's brown eyes. I think the blue eye gene must be pretty strong as brown is supposed to be dominant.

Anyone she came around and started saying everything was like his Dad's even his little 'skinny' legs. They were actually fat newborn legs!

She said he had blue eyes and that was the Irish in him (from their side), couldn't possibly be from my side of the family.

We called him a name, I chose it and boyfriend liked it- he wasn't named after anyone. She decided to trace family tree and said to my boyfriend- Oh he is named after some great great grandfather. My boyfriend did actually say I also had someone of that name in my family. Errrr no, he is not named after anyone in your family! That is just a coincidence!

Yes, really gets on your tits as well as all the other obsessive behaviour, constantly kissing baby when comes round, makes stupid bloody voices and weird noises saying same thing over and over, keeps coming round as misses him so much, buys everything for him to keep at her house and then makes comments like mine is bigger than yours!

It was so nice when she went away for two weeks and I didn't have to see her- she has to come round at least twice a week apparently.

She is actually shocked he hits milestones at different times to when my husband did because she is so convinced they are the same person

YES, this!

Where do these mils learn their behaviour from, is there a secret MIL school we don't know about.

After I lost my daughter to fetal death and became pregnant with my son, my MIL announced ‘when will you give me granddaughters’

She’s a complete cunt. I think you’ve got it easy

@CantankerousCamel

I'm sorry to hear that.

I'm guessing you told her to fuck off right there and then.

After my mother died, my MIL never even mentioned her death. Came round and asked me how work was. I thought that was bad enough!

Sending my condolences for the loss of your daughter and for having a cunt of a MIL.

DD has 'DH's surname' eyes apparently according to his family. They're a deep blue. So are mine, and my DF's, and my DGF's and DGM's, so why can't they be 'my surname' eyes? (in shape and expression I think she has my eyes, ).

But apparently it's something to do with the subconscious need to visually confirm paternity (even if there's no question at all in their conscious mind). No one needs to say DC looks like mum, they saw mum with a bump, the know without a shadow of a doubt that mum is mum.

ruby

Actually after a number of fucking awful situations with her, I wrote a heartfelt letter telling her how I felt and she ignored it. She’s proceded to spend the last 9 years ostracising me, refusing to invite me to family gatherings, offering to take the boys and DH on holiday when I’ve got a 4 week old baby etc etc.

She’s an absolute cunt. I’ve stopped playing rhe game now and offered an Olive branch for the last time but I still get nothing but nastiness. Fortunately she’s 100’s if miles away and doesn’t seem to give a shit. This year she forgot DS1’s birthday, then DH reminded her it was also DDs birthday, so she sent presents for them but weeks late but forgot DS2’s birthday a month later. I honestly just want to tell her where to go

*Haworthia Sat 08-Sep-18 16:05:59
How annoyed does your OH get with your mum for saying she looks like you?

Speaking for myself here, but my mum just never said those things*

Haworthia, the point of that question was that the OP proudly quoted her mum saying just that.

I've actually had the opposite: my mother desperately trying to claim that a genetic disorder that has clearly been in our family for generations must have come from dh "because he walks funny". That one wasn't so nice and I shut her up.

But if it's just looks- and assuming you don't hate your dh- why would it upset you to hear that your baby looks like him? I was delighted that my eldest inherited dh's looks because I think he's very nice-looking.

Yes, really gets on your tits as well as all the other obsessive behaviour, constantly kissing baby when comes round, makes stupid bloody voices and weird noises saying same thing over and over, keeps coming round as misses him so much, buys everything for him to keep at her house and then makes comments like mine is bigger than yours! hmm

Aside from perhaps the final thing - the competitiveness over the baby equipment - every single thing on your list is just a sign that your son has a grandmother that loves him. I feel really sad for her that you find her showing affection to your son so annoying. Do you really, honestly, wish that fewer people loved him?

@LisaSimpsonsbff- you don't know me or what else happens in my life. It's great that he has someone that loves him which is why she sees him twice a week.

Being obsessive is not loving someone though, allowing them independence etc is. I don't want her letting herself into my house twice a week really whilst I am there and making comments on how I should bring him up etc.

That is another matter though and I put up with her crap because I don't want to deprive him of his grandmother. Constantly kissing a baby is weird, I don't think it is healthy.

@CantankerousCamel - well done for swallowing pride and sending heartfelt letter. I hope your husband is supportive of you. Like you say, good job yours lives far away. Mine decided to move after we bought her house- so she could be right near us!

Actually my husband is a complete wet lettuce when it comes to his mother. He makes absolutely no effort to make things right between me and his family. In fact last time I put effort in to making things right with his mother and sisters, the only person making any effort (quite obviously) was me. He still maintains that it is ‘all our fault’ That we don’t get on and that somehow my ‘attitude’ when I was TWENTY ONE! Is worthy of them ostracising me for the last 12 years!

Of course now I realise that it is actually convenient for him to have this ‘hands off’ approach because while he can blame his mother/sisters behaviour towards me for them never calling, never sending presents for the kids and never bothering with us, it means he isn’t having to realise that actually all that is a major sign that they don’t give a shit about him.

Your DH’s mother loves him the way you love your DC. Just because he is an adult, it doesn’t stop. Of course she will want to see her DS in her DGC.

I am a gm. My gd had brown eyes just like me!! Every time we are together people say she has your eyes. I hastily reply..actually her dm and other gm have brown eyes too. I have no desire to steal the show.
Can dils please just ignore grannies unless its absolutely horrible behaviour. Having a gc does remind you of bringing your babies home. One day you will be a gm yourself desperately wanting to be engaged with your gc. And if this anti mil stuff continues in this generation you will be lucky to see her once a year in a sterile room while wearing gloves. For goodness sake let most of the stuff over your head. Have a laugh about it but seriously a child wont be negatively affected by being compared to Uncle Syd. After all they will have your brains, ability to respond to stress situations with a smile and complete confidence that they are who they are.

Can dils please just ignore grannies unless its absolutely horrible behaviour.

For the most part, I am sure it is ignored. That doesn't make it any less fucking annoying though, and that is what people are talking about here.

I have learnt from my exp that when (if) I am a mil, I will do my best to actually have a decent relationship with my dil and treat her like I would wish to be treated. Should a baby arrive I will try to be helpful, rather than interfering and just going around to cuddle baby. Eg. Ask if they want help tidying, bring round prepared meals etc.

I will allow them to be a family without constantly popping around and I won't tell them constantly how to bring up children. I will wait to be invited around, rather than constantly telling them I am coming around. I will not let myself into their house constantly. I will not insult them whilst they are pregnant. I will give them their own space.

It's just common courtesy really

I know there's some fantastic MILs out there and I would like to be one of those. Let's hope I am.

And just to add- 3 days in after you've spent over 9 months carrying said child and nurturing it during pregancy and are hormonal etc. And someone attributes a characteristic which is not even in their family to their family- well it just feels downright insulting.

Fitzsimmons I cracked up about the distant cousin on their side..
OP I can see why it grates. My MIL was exactly the same when DD was a baby. Now she barely says these things.
The only thing I could do was make a joke of it. I'd agree with MIL that they looked very similar and add "So hopefully this will mean she has my brains."
IMO people get very swept up with new babies and come out with all sorts.

Haha my mil does this i just laugh everything dd does either her dh or bil used to do it... Oh look at her eating her dinner awww blah used to do that. I'm just like yeah I hope so i hope dh used to eat food like dd.. It's kind of a requirement.

Under no circumstances does dd ever look like, do anything like or remind mil of me lol.

Oh look dgd is breathing!!! Bil used to do that!! Shes just like bil!

Both of our families do this. And so do our friends. It’s bizarre though the way that a child can, for all the world, look like one parent until you see a picture of the other parent and realise that actually they look like them too. It properly blows my mind how much of an individual one person can be whilst also looking very similar to two totally different people.

That said, my daughter looks like my husband. Only she’s a bit ginger and has sticky out ears which she gets from me 😂. Honestly I know it’s annoying but be glad she’s taking an interest- so many people would give their right leg to have a MIL who actually cares. It’s not like you can say your mum doesn’t do it because you’ve said that she does! Everyone is as bad as each other and they just want to express how much they love your child. It’s definitely not worth making an enemy of her for doing something that’s completely normal. Unless you’re willing to allow your DH to say the same to your mum it’s just not fair.

Oh, had exactly this. CONSTANTLY. Including the comment, at about 4 weeks old, "You'd hardly know he was yours, LittleGreenStar!" .

OP, in case it helps, it has moved from being really upsetting when he was a newborn to just a bit irritating/occasionally quite funny now he's older. Not that it makes the lack of thought (or major passive aggression...) any better, but being a new mum is really hard and you do get better able to shrug it off in time. I'd be lying if I said it hadn't damaged my relationship with her a bit, though - I think if I'd been a bit more vocal rather than seething in silence it might not have festered quite so much over time (though along with other things, tbf). But just do whatever you need to get through it, whether that's gritting your teeth, or calmly shutting her down (I once managed "oh, I think we're all seeing what we want to see, MIL". She did stop it for the rest of that visit...)

It was thoughtless/desperately wanting to see DS in him/wanting to lay a bit of a claim to him, rather than malicious. I think, anyway... DS is 2.5 now, it still goes on (including the recent "oh he loves trains so much, he must get that from his Dad". No, he loves trains because he's like almost every other 2yo in the world! There is no genetic marker for liking trains!!)