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Parenting

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Original poster

Sick of hearing “ she’s just like her daddy “

70 replies

Flower08 · 06/09/2018 07:57

who also has their mother in law always saying "just like her daddy!" “ she looks like her dad so much when she does that “
“ oh look she’s got our sides forehead “
“ oh look she’s going to have our sharp nose “
Not mentioning nothing about me when I’m there... i feel like I’ve had nothing to do with her I know some things frustrate me about her but her hearts in right place I’m just sick of hearing it now. She looks like us both. For one her dad has big sticky out ears and my daughter doesn’t, he also had small eyes and my daughter has big eyes like me. Wish I could tell her to feck off without no comeback lol
Best thing is my mum who’s lovely and not intrusive says she’s spit of me as a baby and looks like my side 😂 what is it with our parents.

MIL will then go home and start sending me photos of my partner as a baby and my daughter doesn’t even look like him. It wouldn’t bother me if she did but it’s just annoying, she’s always offering to take her out too bring her to me!!! My baby is 6 weeks old and I won’t be leaving her with anyone at all as I’m not ready and I don’t need her help at the moment I’m enjoying spending time on maternity leave with my baby. Would this annoy anyone
Else ?

OP posts:

Rach000 · 06/09/2018 08:53

Mine in-laws are a bit like this but has got better as my dd has got older. Also she is started to look a lot more like me so they can't say it now! They wanted to see her toes when she was a baby to see if she had the family toes... they reckoned she did.. weird and annoying.
When she does things like jumping and climbing about, like most kids it's same as my husband and has got it from him. I mainly just ignore them. They are ok really and do get on with them but they can be a bit annoying. They were very over bearing as well and were very loud and liked to clap and sing when she was tired or upset which just made her worse.
I now have a second dd who looks more like my husband than my first but they don't comment as much now as they are still obsessed with my eldest and she gets most of the attention.

girlandboy · 06/09/2018 09:06

My son looks NOTHING like his Dad. He's my side of the family all the way, and it's even obvious to my mil.
But she still managed to say that he has her "nape of the neck"!
Talk about clutching at straws

OwlDoll · 06/09/2018 09:09

I understand. MIL always did this when Ds was born. It really annoyed me at the time, especially as my own mother was dead and so I never heard stories of what I was like as a baby and whether or not DS was like me.
By the time DD was born I could laugh at her trying desperately to try to find something about Dd that came from her side of the family. Dd was dark haired with an olive complexion, just like me, whereas Dh and MIL are very pale skinned with red hair. The only person on her side of the family she could come up with was Dh's cousin's daughter. I literally laughed at her when she said this and had to say that her colouring probably had more to do with the fact that her father was from the middle East than anything to do with MIL's side of the family.

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BigBlueBubble · 06/09/2018 09:10

I hope that's a joke, but it's not the nicest one...
No it wasn’t a joke. MIL said DC is the spitting image of Aunty SoAndSo, who is a lovely lady but extremely ugly. The aunt constantly complains that she’s unattractive and bemoans how her bad teeth, big nose, weak chin etc have prevented her dating or marrying.

MIL’s comment wasn’t meant in malice - the aunt is her sister and MIL has a lot of the same features so is always telling the aunt not to be silly as she looks lovely (unfortunately not true). I don’t want my child to have that same experience of low self esteem and being too ugly to date, so I was really upset by the suggestion that my child looks like her.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 06/09/2018 09:11

If you literally cried for days over the thought that your baby might not be pretty enough then I feel a bit sorry for your child.

Loopytiles · 06/09/2018 09:14

My DC both look much more like my DH, but my parents did this, insisted DC took after me. Except when DC were misbehaving, when they commented that they were like DH!

It really annoyed me. Am sure it wasn’t conscious on their part but I felt it reflected a rejection / dislike of my DH. DH also noticed.

BigBlueBubble · 06/09/2018 09:14

Would you like to be told that your child looks like someone who constantly complains that ugliness has ruined their life? I don’t want my child to have the experience of low self esteem and rejection that this relative has had.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 06/09/2018 09:17

The best way to ensure your child doesn't suffer from low self esteem over their appearance is to teach them that what we look like is one of the least interesting and important things about us. Crying because they might look like a person you consider ugly is already a step in the right direction here!

LisaSimpsonsbff · 06/09/2018 09:17

Argh, that should say 'hardly a step' not 'already'!

NataliaOsipova · 06/09/2018 09:21

One thing I've realised since having a baby is that you think at first that everyone - from your parents to random old women in the supermarket - wants to talk about your baby, and that that's why strangers keep talking to you - but they don't, not really, they want to talk about their own children as babies

That's incredibly perceptive!

NadiaLeon · 06/09/2018 09:22

Have you actually spoken to her yet? If not, try that.

liquidrevolution · 06/09/2018 09:28

No it would drive nuts. But then I don't like my overbearing in laws.

Fortunately DD is the spit of me as a child.

Original poster

Flower08 · 06/09/2018 10:43

I just said jokingly the other day “ yes but she must get her dazzling personality for her mummy “. I didn’t get a reply just a laugh lol she loves her and I am grateful of that but like someone said above I lost my dad at a young age and would’ve loved to hear what he’d have to say so I do think a little bit of me hurts about that. I had a horrendous birth too and if I’d have lost any more blood I could’ve died I ended up having an ECS and being put to sleep half way through and the recovery wasn’t that good. As soon as OH sent a picture of our daughter her first words were oh she’s just like you as a baby, and then I’ll get oh I bet he loves her oh I bet he dotes on her,. Yes, yes he does but so do I! It’s me that’s up feeding through the night it’s me that’s taking her for a walk in pram with the dog and looking after her all day whilst he does longs shifts cos he grafts, it would just be nice I suppose to be acknowledged as her mum but that’s where I differ as I know I wouldn’t be that way. And I am only just having a moan on here! I they’ll be no falling out but if it comes to bothering me so much that I need to say something I will.

OP posts:

NiamhNaomh · 06/09/2018 11:35

I had this too and like you i found it tedious. However DHs parents and mine took an intense interest in the children which has been hugely beneficial for the children in the longer term. Unfortunately we don’t have my side in the picture any longer but the children have still benefited from that relationship and are luck to have other interested grandparents. It is, unfortunately, a case of taking the good with the bad.

Haworthia · 06/09/2018 11:41

I understand OP. My son is ginger. My Dad is ginger. My in laws know this, but everytime we see them they have a long discussion about how their distance cousin is ginger and that must be where my son gets his hair from

That’s so funny

OP, you have my sympathies. You just want to be acknowledged as your baby’s other parent - it’s not much to ask!

InezGraves · 06/09/2018 11:50

I eventually pointed out one day to my deeply tactless MIL that, as her son looked like a tiny, freckly troll with a dark-brown pudding bowl haircut and hazel eyes when he was six (judging by the photos), our leggy, fair-haired, blue-eyed, apple-blossom-skinned DS (6) must take after me more than she's prepared to acknowledge.

I should say that DH is now a very attractive 45 year old. But he was a somewhat freaky-looking child.

PiggyPlumPie · 06/09/2018 11:59

My MIL was the same, even down to DD doing things that every single baby does. Oh, DH used to do that. It does get wearing.

I was so pleased when DD got her first tooth ahead of DHs schedule. Fist pumps galore!

Now my 19 year old DD is my double. It will get easier.

GrumbleBumble · 06/09/2018 12:05

My MiL did this - everything had to come from their side. That hairline comes from obscure great uncle - ermm no it comes from me. I very quickly learnt to nod, smile and ignore especially when told that those are "definitely FiL's ears". Good trick as FiL is my DH's step father!

LisaSimpsonsbff · 06/09/2018 12:19

My MIL was the same, even down to DD doing things that every single baby does. Oh, DH used to do that.

MIL said this - that DS 'holds his hands just like DH did at his age'. DS is eight weeks old and balls his fists. Like every other eight week old baby ever.

Original poster

Flower08 · 06/09/2018 12:35

It’s so annoying isn’t it I’m glad I’m not the only one who gets sick of hearing it.

OP posts:

Cosmoa · 07/09/2018 11:54

OP I feel your frustration! My daughter is 4 months old and my MIL still does my head in 😂 at first you couldn't see any of my OH in our DD and she would be like "oh she's the spit of you" but she'd say it in a snotty way like she was disappointed! And she's always picking the baby up when she doesn't want to be and always says she spoilt when she starts crying which absolutely drives me bonkers!!! I love her and we do get on together, she does loads for us. But she definitely does my nut in as well.

Smurfy23 · 08/09/2018 09:35

PIL are like that with dd too- except shes just like them rather than DH. She has curly hair (so did I as a baby and mine is still wavey), DH and family all had dead straight hair. DFIL- "Oh shes just like me!" I figure its cute, barking mad at times, but cute and let them get on with it.

Hair aside though, she is all DH and looks nothing like me. However shes deffo mine in personality- good luck to them, they've no idea what they're in for

m0therofdragons · 08/09/2018 10:05

My inlaws used to say "she's so clever... just like her daddy. She's so beautiful... she looks like her daddy!" Because clearly I'm an ugly thicko

This stopped when dd was 3 and my dad posted a photo on fb of dd and one of me at the same age. It looks like the same dc. Mil was stunned!

corythatwas · 08/09/2018 12:13

How annoyed does your OH get with your mum for saying she looks like you?

0lgaDaPolga · 08/09/2018 13:12

Yep and it’s fucking annoying. The way my mil goes on about my son you would think he is a clone of my husband and has no genetic input from anyone else. She is actually shocked he hits milestones at different times to when my husband did because she is so convinced they are the same person. He looks like me rather than my husband. I’ve accepted she is just a lunatic and smile and nod

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