Tell me things more likely to happen than SIDS

[fromroses]

Sat here with 11 day old DD and while SIDS has always been a major concern for me, the anxiety is really amping up.

She's combination fed, she sleeps in the same room as us (at the moment in the living room with me or DH on the sofa as she has a lot of trapped wind and cries a lot at night), we don't smoke in the house, she has a dummy to go to sleep but she's always pushing it away, she's always feet to foot on her back in the Moses basket well dressed or in a British standard approved sleeping bag with nothing else in the basket except a mattress, the dummy and a fitted mattress sheet etc. We don't use sleep positioners or nests. As far as I'm aware, we're following all of the advice for safe sleep.

I have two other DC, 10 and 8 who are perfectly healthy. My anxiety is running wild. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I can't possibly be this happy and blessed when I've made so many mistakes in the past.

So to help me ease my worries slightly enough to sleep, what are things more statistically likely to happen than for my beautiful, perfect baby to die unexpectedly of SIDS? 😢

I don’t know about statistics, but I do know that you deserve and can have ALL your beautiful children. Say it out loud, breathe it deep into your belly. “ I deserve ALL my beautiful children “. Breathe it into your heart.

Co gratulatio s on your baby op

I'm trying all the positive affirmations and cherishing every cuddle and stare at my face. I'm worried it's the beginning of PND but I'm not sad (I've done the questionnaire and come back low risk), it's more I'm incredibly happy and never want it to go away or be taken from me. She's a bit of a miracle baby after miscarriage and years of trying and I had such a smooth pregnancy and birth that it all feels surreal. I just know it's all out of my control and I hate that loss of control, if you get me?

I'm not sleeping well so when she's awake crying for hours due to tummy pain from trapped wind it's like I'm running on less than empty (I know that's not a thing) because I'm not making up for it by sleeping when I can. DH goes back to work on Monday and I'm terrified. I know we'll be okay but I love his emotional and practical support right now. The fear of the unknown is genuinely terrifying.

I think it's really quite rare but I have worried too and no doubt will again. Following all the rules , as you are doing, must reduce the chances drastically xxx

I don’t know the exact statistics, but I think it’s more likely that:

A pooplosion will happen in the next month
Some random stranger will say something like “you must have your hands full” “that’s you done now then” or “when are you having another?”
At least 20 people will coo over your DD and say how beautiful she is
Youll be questioned for your birth story multiple times

Anxiety is really, really shit, and I’m sorry you’re going through it. As PP said, you deserve all your beautiful children. Please speak to your hv or gp if it doesn’t get better, they can help you.

Congratulations on your new baby! 💐

Oh no, I got months of this with my first. Horrible thought processes and I'm sorry you're experiencing it. My first thought on waking for months was, "is he still alive". Hindsight suggests post natal anxiety in my case, which may be your case as well. No amount of logic helped me. Maybe speak to your midwife? Or get an angel care mat to put your mind at rest?

I can't call the exact figures to mind but I think statistically you're more likely to:
be in a car accident.
Killed by a cow
Hit on the head by a coconut.
Hit by lightening
Meet your exact lookalike
Winning up to six figures in the lottery

It will all be fine, it's just hard to see at the time when you're in the grip of horrible thoughts.

Post natal anxiety is a thing. If you feel its getting too much please seek help.

Things more likely: you'll get bodily fluids of various forms on you.

SIDS is rare. PND however is not sadness. I had it. I looked after ds, wanted to make sure he was, felt guilty if he cried, but if someone had said they’d take him away and look after him and he’d be fine I’d have let them.

Talk to your midwife or HV about how you’re feeling.

Do you have an angelcare movement monitor? It doesn’t reduce the risk of SIDS but it helps you know from one minute to the next that the baby is fine and so stops you blowing on their face/prodding then and waking them up “just to check”. I found it really helpful as I had similar anxiety issues with my first baby.

I have the monitor. Had two false alarms when we propped the Moses basket stand but has been a god send so far as every time I lift her out I let the alarm sound once before I turn it off to remind myself it's still working.

I don't want to be away from DD ever. I carry her in a wrap on my chest or in her lie flat pram and DH has done two night shifts so far because I'm so anxious about being away from her. Every time I wake up I panic and check she's fine. If I'm washing up in the next room I make sure I'm back within five minutes to check on her. It's all a chaotic anxious mess in my head but I know it's from love and worry.

I had worried about SIDS with my other children but never to this extent. I've spoken to my midwife about the anxiety and she says at this point she's not concerned but if it goes on longer than three weeks to seek a GP appointment so I'm hoping I calm down. I know I'll never stop worrying but at least be a little less obsessive.

DD is in my arms in her little vest and sleeping bag right now after a feed and she's just so serene. I wish it were safe to just fall asleep with her like this and I can feel her breathing but I know that's not safe. God, being a mother is worrying! When she's one plus I'll be worrying about her hurting herself or getting outside etc. Worries upon worries all their lives!

You could get a snuza hero (used to be called snuza go), for piece of mind. It clips onto baby's clothes and an alarm goes off if it doesn't detect breathing. It's cheaper than the others about. Can also be used in a car seat etc.

I had one when dd was born and it did help me rest more. I had the same fear of sids. One of the good points is it flashes a little light with each breath in and out, so when you do wake up and check on them you can see straight away that they're fine, because the lights blinking.

The sensor does have to be in contact with the babies skin. I had a couple of false alarms with it because it slipped off.

Cross post sorry. I see you already have a monitor.

I hope you feel better soon x

11 days, she's still so tiny which means you are still overloaded with hormones. I sobbed and sobbed about every little thing that could go wrong when DS was that age.

Admittedly I'm still on the anxious end of the spectrum but that's just how I've always been with loved one.

It's probably going to get much much better

Also- at 11 days your hormones are still everywhere and you are exhausted. If your anxiety is stopping you sleep this will be a bit of a vicious cycle. If you could get some sleep this weekend- maybe during the day if DH is at home, it might help a little.

I think too that a new baby seems so tiny and fragile while you have older children and after a miscarriage you become aware that things really can go wrong in a way that you probably weren't before. You are doing everything you can to keep her safe. Hopefully the feelings will subside a little in the next few days, but if not go back to your midwife.

congratulations on your baby!

Ok, I googled it - 780,000 live births with 200 cases of SIDS. I'm shit at maths but I'm pretty sure that comes to a percentage likelihood of it happening to 0.02% (less than 1%)

Now consider your DD has none of the risk factors I'd say that takes your risk much much lower

Apparently more chance of you winning an Oscar, finding a four leaf clover, dating a supermodel or kate price being the next Dr who ....

I used to worry about this too. The worry never really goes away, it just transfers to other things that could happen to the kids. I know most of the things I worry about are irrational and I'm being paranoid, but I think it's normal to worry to a certain extent. It's what keeps our children safe.

The risks of Sids are low, and if you follow the safe sleep guidelines you can minimize it even more. I used to set an alarm every few hours during the night to check on baby. Apparently the most at risk age is 2 to 4 months, so after this you can relax a little more and it helps break it down.

Bad things can happen at any time. I had an adult relative who died of sudden adult death, that was unlikely but it still happened. We can't control bad things happening if they are going to happen, but you can enjoy your baby and know that you're doing everything in your power to prevent it from happening.

I do know about statistocs and sids is rare, and assuming you don't smoke, even rarer. There are plenty of things more likely to happen to your beautiful baby, she could

• break wind
• smile
• do that cute little dance move thing with her hands when sleeping
• throw a toddler tantrum at the age of 13 months
• join mensa aged 4

Post natal anxiety is a real thing and it’s different from post natal depression
Don’t wait 3 weeks. Go to your gp and demand assistance now.
I was like you - I couldn’t sleep feeling I had to sit and watch over her all night just in case. I wish had gotten help earlier. People also kept asking me if I was depressed but I wasn’t - I was hyper viligent instead

I do smoke. I was never able to quit entirely in pregnancy (down to 5 a day from 35 rollies) but never in the house, never near the baby and always wearing a dressing gown that I take off. I think that's what's making me so worried because I feel so guilty. If I quit now I would have still raised the risks by smoking in pregnancy and smoking my rollies out the back every day is what keeps my anxiety in the functioning area. These are all excuses, of course and DH would still smoke out of the house but I know how selfish I was during pregnancy and still am and feel like my baby is going to pay for it whether I quit on the vape now or not.

It definitely is understandable and we have probably all had that thought. It’ll get better!

Things more likely to happen:

1. Projectile vomit/Pooh/wee
2. You will cry over spilt milk (if you’re breastfeeding)
3. Milk drunk (love that!)

If you can speak to someone about how you’re feeling that will help x

You'll step in dog shit.

Norovirus.

And the ultimate: an uneventful day.

OK that is anxiety talking. Smoking is bad (did you know? ;)) but you seem to think you're due a punishment.
Smoking does increase many risks. Even so, most babies of smokers do not die. However there are other risks being raised all the time. Do you have any support to quit? Does your oh smoke?

It sounds like you're getting support so hopefully the worries will reduce. Not particularly helpful but I wouldn't bother worrying too much when they're this little - I'm worrying about how much my (much older!) DC drink at parties, whether they are taking drugs, whether they are having safe sex and what time they will get home after a night out! The worries never stop they just change. Good luck!

I was exactly the same as you, my FIL was a GP (retired) and he said in his whole career he'd never seen a case of SIDS which helped me enormously perspective wise

Try to enjoy your baby

I sympathise with you. I had awful anxiety but it does slowly pass, I still have mild anxiety now and he's 4 months, but it's more over smaller things. Try and get some help now, as it's massively affected my relationships. SIDS is really rare, but when they bombard you with safe sleep info and keeping them warm/cool it can be really overwhelming. The first day I took him out, just to the shop, I changed him 6 times before I left as I was in such a state about him getting hot/ cold. It does get easier. Try not to focus on what you can't control. I still get the odd thought now like if I don't do x this will happen but it's not as overwhelming. But speak to your HV or GP don't let it ruin your experience like I did.

I was exactly the same as you. It was suggested that I either had postnatal anxiety or PTSD. I actually never sought proper help for it as I found once my hormones were less mental (about 6 ish weeks) that things started to slowly become less stark and scary in my head. I also had to ban myself from social media for a while as for some reason all I kept seeing on there was news articles about SIDS deaths or other ways babies had come to harm. It really wasn’t helping to have it outlined to me all the different ways that my tiny little baby (who I waited so so long for!) could come to harm. I also found the whole “safe sleep guidelines” thing to actually be quite scary. I know how important it is for her sleep space to be safe, but I found that their guidelines made it seem like SIDS was something which was far more common than it actually is. It’s a tiny fraction of a percent, but the way I felt when I was less than two weeks in made me think they were saying it was something ridiculously massive like 30%. But I also had to stop reading the guidelines as, like you, I made myself a list of everything I did right but still managed to focus on the one or two things that were not quite within the guidelines. It also helped the older my daughter got and the less fragile she seemed to be.

However I will say that if you continue to feel like this past a couple of weeks then you should definitely speak to your GP or the midwives. They will be able to make helpful suggestions and hopefully either put your mind at rest or get you some help to be able to do that for yourself. Enjoy your tiny squishy baby!! I want my daughter to still smell of newborn (rather than the eggs and banana that she had for breakfast).