AIBU to be honest with kids when they're a bit dull?

[InASaltySea]

To start with, the title is obviously a short summary and not indicative of the language I use!

I have DS1 (7) and DS2 (4). Both reasonably well behaved and reasonably smart. The 4yo is a bit young for what I'm thinking about so this mainly pertains to the elder.

Like many kids, they're in love with various TV shows and characters. I'm quite restrictive about screen time and half the things they play act (Marvel, etc) they've never even seen but have picked stuff up from school mates. Now, I have no issues with them playing at being characters as much as they want: all good healthy fun. But there will be times - when we're walking somewhere, say, or at the dinner table, or when we're meeting friends - when conversation will revolve entirely around detailed descriptions of entire episodes of crap telly I've never seen, or long lists of various superheroes' powers, etc. I want to strike a balance between being a listening ear and joining in with their chatter but, with the older one in particular, is he old enough to hear from me, gently, that those TV shows aren't my cup of tea so I'm not really interested in hearing all abut that; why doesn't he tell me about XX instead?

It feels a bit mean, when I've thought about it, and I know as parents we all master the "Uh-huh... yeah... really?!" thing whilst compiling mental shopping lists. But I do think learning how to be part of a give-and-take conversation and picking up on social cues is a good life skill, and I don't want to do the pretend listening thing forever; it feels dishonest.

Thought I'd post as this is one of the few areas of parenthood I've stumbled across where I'm genuinely not sure what I think! Have others had similar conversations with their kids?

I don't know the answer because my 2 are still babies however I have 9yo and 7yo nephews who tell me every single time I see then what the pokemon superpowers are. And they will literally waffle on and and on and on despite the conversation having moved on. I often say "ooh right okay I get it now. Cool huh? I don't think my brain can take this information overload anymore though". They get the msg but I do feel a bit mean!

Thanks, Heck, that's a good sentence!

I listen to it sometimes but not always.

inasaltysea my son constantly waffles about superheroes and other nonsense. I suggest saying something kind before you snap, as I did last year, when I informed him, in a not so kind voice that mommy doesn't give a damn about Ben sodding 10 or any of his Aliens.

Before I get flamed, I obviously apologised afterwards and told him that I shouldn't have spoken to him in that way, but I just lost my shit. I mean, what self respecting adult actually gives a shit what powers Ben 10 and his fucking aliens have?!

Try and get a bit interested, and enjoy seeing your child enthused about something. You can say th8ngs like 'gosh, you know a lot about this, don't you!' And ' I love seeing you full of enthusiasm. Do your friends like that show too?'

Honestly, he's heading for teen territory when they naturally tend to grunt and hide. Don't speed him on his way!

My DS 18 still talks to me, often about the most achingly boring stuff - warhammer! But he also talks about really important things, too.--

Go for it as long as you don't mind them telling you you're dull too! I have been through this 3 times. Honestly you really need to suck it up imo. This passes in time and before you know it they'll barely grunt at you.

I was like that with DS1. He's now 15 and doesn't really tell me anything about his life. 😞

When DS2 was little, I read something that said, "Listen to the little things, because they are your DC's big things." Now I hang on every word.

My daughter is autistic and has been obsessed with superheroes for years. We have the most detailed conversations, really going in depth about the characters, and theories of plots etc. It’s really not interesting to me, I do find it dull, but it’s important to her, so I listen.

I used to tell them that at the dinner table we have conversations that everyone can join in, that it's rude to bang on for too long about a programme/game that wasn't seen/ played by everyone present. They are all grown up now and I still have to remind them that Grandma doesn't play COD.

If you are desperate, try
Do you know what, my head is so full of other things I can't take that in right now. Tell me another time, I need to think about the shopping.

My four year old can be a bit of a bore. I just change the subject. 'Darling, x is boring for me because I am a grown up, let's talk about something else like y.' it's steered him away from conversations about TV/digger type things altogether and now we actually talk about interesting things like history or science. I also point blank refuse to play boring games with him (for my own sanity). He is perfectly fine, if anything it's taught him to consider his playmates when choosing a game.

I totally get this. Very detailed descriptions of Pokemon and their powers and blow by blow accounts of episodes. I love that my 7yo is so interested and able to verbalise it but, bloody hell. It is dull. I usually end up using driving as an excuse if we’re in the car: “I need to concentrate; let’s have some quiet.” If we’re at home or walking along I have been know to say, in a gap ?however small- take it!), “Ooo, we’ve had a lot of pokemon talk. Let’s talk about something else.”

Usually I just do the nodding and uh-huhing because I don’t want to be mean.

Surely it is an important social skill to be able to engage in conversations is to be able to deal with others boring topics? As long as they know to take their turn in conversation, and not to interrupt, I don't care what they are talking about.

Also why haven't you seen any of the programmes - you should be able to discuss them to a certain level.

I think children should know that their interests are important. They will soon move onto the next thing and Power Rangers or whatever will be a distant memory. Mine are 14 and 16 now and I can still recall the colours of Thomas's friends and which Disney Princess wore which dress (although I appreciate a few more have come into being since then).

Actually, with the driving it isn’t really an excuse. It is a moment to teach that sometimes quiet is needed.

As long as you do you mind them telling you what you're talking about is boring to them.

"Listen to the little things, because they are your DC's big things."

That's lovely

With DS12 it's Minecraft or a game he's playing. We occasionally jokingly say (in a post office till voice) 'Interested Face Number 287' - and change the number the next time. But only occasionally.

Don't worry they will find you too dull to speak to soon anyway.

Seriously though, nod and smile, it is so mean to curb your DC's enthusiasm even if you feel you are losing the will to live . They will end up not talking to you if they feel they can only talk about things you are interested in. Do you ask them questions? Not just what did you do at school but interesting questions, like what colour will you get if you mix yellow and red? or why don't ducks sink in water? just general things, obviously easier questions for the 4 year old. Can all birds fly? Then maybe you can start getting them thinking about different things.

Try getting them to watch some science/nature shows or something especially the 7 year old. Broaden their TV watching horizons, they may start talking about things which are different to just kids shows then. Get them reading some interesting books their are lots of how do things work for DC of these ages.

Tricky one. DD1 (4) said to me last week that grown up conversation is boring. I said yes it is to children, but it’s polite to let people talk about things that are interesting to them. So I suppose I ought to give her the same courtesy! As long as they follow the rules of polite conversation then I don’t have a problem with it. It’s important to them.

there not their!

FuckMyUterus - no flaming here. I don't know a single parent, including me, that hasn't lost their shit occasionally. The important thing is to apologise, which you did. I think it's useful for them to see that parents are human too.

picklemepopcorn - I do do that, to an extent; we talk all the time. It's really once we're rounding into the 25th minute or so of Pikachu vs. Whatshisarse that I start to break inside.

WhatsGoingOnEh - that is lovely. I know that they won't want to talk that much before long so it's good to have a mantra to keep that foremost in mind during the tedious bits, thank you!

Seeline - I've seen at least one episode of all the shows they watch to vet them. After that, if I spent time in the room with Ben 10 or Pokemon I might actually commit bloody murder. Their telly time, which is about an episode or two a day, is the time I use to cook or clean, so I'm rarely in the room when they're watching, unless it's a family film night. It'd be impossible to keep up with the reams of boring crap you need to discourse on these shows in that time.

Thanks all for your responses. I will try and bear that teenaged image of them in mind when I start to lose the will, but it's also good to know some of you find value in reminding them of considering others' interest level in conversation. I wondered if I was being awful!

My 8 year old daughter and I regularly say to one another, "Can we change the subject now? I've had enough of talking about X."

She knows that I don't give a shit about YouTube, but she also knows that I will listen for a while because she does.

I know she doesn't give a shit about hand-dyed yarn, but because of the above she has learned to be polite and listen for a while because I care.

Listen, engage and enjoy as much as you can bare then change the subject.

I don't know a single parent, including me, that hasn't lost their shit occasionally. The important thing is to apologise, which you did. I think it's useful for them to see that parents are human too

I couldn't agree with this more. One of the most important parenting lessons I ever learned was to be unafraid of making mistakes, but always willing to admit to and apologise for them.

Tinty - thank you :) We do encourage watching different things - they love Blue Planet, etc - and our house is practically made of books. But it seems to be the superhero stuff that appeals to them in play and discussion!

SoyDora - thanks, good point on grown up stuff being dull. I suppose the only difference is that I'm not expecting him to join in with grown up talking, beyond polite levels.