Experience with 4 and 5 year age gap

[Bluemoon88]

We're considering having a third child but have decided it will either be a 4 or 5 year gap to aim for. Obviously I realise things may not go as planned. Just wondering really if there's much difference between the 4 year gap and 5 year gap. Would it be better to wait so my DD is a bit more independent and more settled at school rather than just started school (so 5 year gap)? 4 year gap seems closer for them to have similar interests as they get older. Experience's with both and whether there was much difference between the 2 would be great. Are 5 year olds more accepting of a new sibling than a 4 year old? Thanks in advance.

Can’t say from a parent’s point of view but there’s a 5 year gap between me and my sibling. We have never been close at all and have only really started wanting to spend time together now we’re in our 40s. I was adamant that when I had my DC I wouldn’t have such a big gap.

I have a 6 year gap and it worked well, I was able give the baby time whilst eldest one was at school, after school was time for the eldest, perhaps I was lucky but no jealousy we involved eldest right from the start even to helping choosing names. They are in their 30s now but are always there for each other.

Six years between oldest and youngest DDs. They're completely different characters but have always been friends. More so since youngest was about 14.

My DDs are 14, 11.5 & 5.5. The eldest and youngest adore each other and get on well but the youngest 2...... When DD was a baby it was easy as Dd 1 & 2 were st school. But now it’s tricky as Dd3 still into parks, soft play toys etc, other 2 are not! Common activity is swimming and cinema. In ideal world I think 2-3 years is a good gap.

Mine are 4 years apart. They are currently 6.5 and 2.5. The big one understood when the baby needed attention. Now she’s a bit older she worships him (boy is older). They play together sometimes
Only struggle is finding suitable stuff for the telly. Nothing really entertains them both!
K

There are 6 years between my brother and I (I'm older) and we never got on whilst we were little. My mum said I used to help out when he was a baby, but it wasn't until we were both in our 20's that our relationship really connected as siblings.

DD is almost 6, DS is 8 weeks old. I was freaking out tbh as DD always been the only one but she adores him thank god. Practically it worked out well the age gap as DD was at school for the first few weeks trust us to time a new baby right before the summer hols which meant we had a bit of a morning routine to stick to & i could then spend the day with DS adjusting to the newborn thing.

This is interesting to hear. I like the idea of having baby at home with me while the elder 2 are at school so we can get 1-1 time. Just worry about common interests as they get older.

DD1 had just finished reception so was 5yrs old when DD2 was born and I think it's worked well for us, DD's included.
DD1 was old enough to entertain herself when needed, help me with the baby or play with DD2 without me having to watch over them constantly as she understood to be gentle.
Now at 8 and 3 they can play lovely together and DD2 actually gets DD1 involved in make believe games she has really grown out of but it's great to see.
They argue like any siblings, regardless of age I doubt you would get away from it completely.

We are thinking of whether to have a third and again it will be a 4-5yr gap, which would allow DD2 to start school.
Helps with childcare costs as well not having 2 in nursery at the same time.

So far it’s been great. DS1 and 2 are almost exactly 5 years apart. DS1 is a sweetheart and has always been so good to his baby brother. DS2 adores him. His is the first name he utters in the morning. They snuggle up at night before bedtime. DS1 who is 6 loves reading to him. Yes the big age gap does mean different interests. But DS1 sometimes enjoys playing with the baby stuff. And he loves teaching DS2 new things. But mostly they are super cute together even when they are driving me nuts. DH has a 4.5 year gap with his brother and they have always been close. Some of this is also about personality. DS1 is calm and loving and sensible. DS2 is a good boy but much more outgoing and physical. So far they make a good team.

I have a 4.5 year gap with my younger sister. We didn't get on as kids (I mainly ignored her or we bickered) but once I left home things started to improve.

Now (both in 40s) we're really close, confide in each other & are off on holiday together next month.

It seems to be mostly positives for this age gap which is good! Thank you all for your replies. It's been really helpful.

Someone once said to me that having children close in age is harder at first, but easier later. And vice versa with a larger age gap.

We had a 5 year gap (not out of choice). It's worked well as older child started reception so I had the time (& could do the school run rather than before/after school club as he settled in). But they still compete for attention, just in different ways. It can also be hard to find days out etc that are good for both and I think this will increase as they get older.

But you deal with it, families don't always work out the way you expect them to

Someone once said to me that having children close in age is harder at first, but easier later. And vice versa with a larger age gap think I’d tend to agree with that one whattime and this one too But you deal with it, families don't always work out the way you expect them to

I have a 11/7year old (11yr old is 12 end of September) and they’re best friends. Always have been. I think it’s a perfect age gap and I regret waiting longer between DC2 and DC3.

The eldest always loved teaching DC2 things and felt responsible and like he had a little apprentice. As they got older they were still close enough in age to enjoy the same things. DC2 was a very fast learner and way ahead of his peers and I put it down to my eldest showing him.
They’re two peas in a pod now, although eldest needs more ‘down time’ as he’s at an age where he finds more enjoyment from reading a book a lot of the time, and DC2 finds that difficult to appreciate

I think this post is really interesting. It shows that the views of the parents raising, children with a 4-6 year age gap, are the complete opposite to the children who grew up with siblings with a 4-6 year age gap.

@franticallypeaceful what was the larger age gap between your dc2 and dc3 if you don't mind me asking?

3years 11months between dc2 and dc3

5years 2 months between dc1 and dc3

Dc1 and 3 are the absoloute worst combination out of my four dc and have been for the past two years. They are currently 5 and 10. Dc1 has no time or patience for dc3, finds dc3 annoying, is very short tempered with her.

Dc2 and dc3 can play lovely together if dc1 is not around. Occasional squabbles but much better relationship in general.

This thread is really interesting reading. There is going to be a gap of 4y 4m between ds1 and ds2, which I have been concerned about, as we were aiming for a smaller gap. The benefit will be ds1 will have started reception by the time ds2 arrives, Which will make life easier for me, but the issue I’m worried about is them growing up and playing together, having similar interests etc.

I’d be interested to hear from siblings with a similar gap, and if you think it makes a difference if you were same or opposite sex? When we found out dc2 was going to another boy it was a bit of relief as in my mind I feel they will be closer than if they were a boy and a girl.

Mine are 18, 13, 8 and 4. I have really enjoyed it apart from the never ending school run They all get on well, we do stuff together a lot. It worked for me I have managed to have lots of one to one time with each child (even though I am a single parent) and we seem to avoid the kind of rows my friends DC have who are closer in age.
But it depends on the kids and their characters. Who knows if mine will remain as close in the future. Just like you don't know if DC will always be close with an 18month gap.
I wouldn't change how my family has worked out age gap wise.

I had a 6 year gap with next sibling. Looked up to her but she grew past my interests really quickly. We were close though.
Have a five year (not entirely getting the question - surely most gaps are 4.2, 4.5 years etc rather than 4 or 5?) overjoyed just to get number 2 and it was easier to have him as a baby with a 5 year old than one younger. They are good friends but there’s no doubt it’s hard to find activities to suit both ages.

Just asked my oldest (18) He said he likes that there is no competition between them all - they are all at different stages. He also said that he loves going to the park with them and be silly on the trampoline with them because it is a good excuse to mess around in a way that he wouldn't normally -from the studious boy who is off to uni to study law--
There are fors and againsts. You have to make the best of what you choose.
Oh, and he thinks its hilarious that I paid him to babysit when he would have been at home revising for his exams anyway!

Oh and about 5 years ago my ds1 and did couldn't stand each other (then 13 and 8) it lasted a couple of years. That was more about their personalities though. Now, dd is bereft at the thought of ds1 going away to uni - they have got really close.

Honestly? It would never have occurred to me to be friends with DSis back then, or even to have much to do with her really. I viewed her as an annoying kid who had very different interests to me, & was forever thankful that I could close my bedroom door on her, the more so because we'd often have to share on holiday / visiting family.

I think what made the difference for us was growing up & no longer living in the same house, after which we got to know each other properly as adults & found that we had more in common than we thought & actually got on. I wouldn't be without her now, but tell that to my preteen / teen self & she'd have laughed in disbelief.

I suppose what I'm saying is even if your DCs aren't close as kids, things can change.

@artichoke18 on the confusion over the question, in my mind I was planning whether to try early next year (DD due to start school next September) so if things happened quickly (like they did with dc1 and dc2) then baby would arrive a couple months after DD starts school. Or I could wait as that may be hard on DD having a new sibling come along right around starting school. Too much change at once? So thought maybe a year later when DD is 5 and due to start year 1 would be better, but then in the future would the larger gap make things difficult with finding common ground for them. There's 2.8 years between dd1 and dd2 which I did not want to repeat as found it extremely hard having a baby and toddler at home! The want for another baby is still there though. Hope this makes sense?