Grandparents - what do you pay for?

[JES12]

Hi all,

So, my parents are going to look after my little one for two days when I go back to work. I’m interested to know what you pay for and do you pay them?

I feel obliged to buy car seats for journeys, Zoo membership, food and pay them for having my LO. I’m torn as I don’t know how much this is just their duty as a grandparent or am I being stingy?

Thanks so much xx

I don’t think it’s their ‘duty’. If it’s a duty then I’m owed loads of childcare hours from my parents and the in laws! I paid £800 a month childcare. Be grateful you are not in this situation and pay for the car seat and day out expenses and food etc.

I had dgs 2 days a week and and an overnight.
Baby bag with essentials at first, then shared pull ups /wipes / clothes with my toddler ds!!
In your position keep up with the baby bag and provide a car seat.
Can't imagine accepting cash as a dgm!!

I wouldn't pay them for
It unless for example they were giving up a part time job to do it and needed the money/
Asked for this. I would supply all food, nappies, wipes etc, an equipment they need and probably a kitty for the week for days out/ coffee for granny etc!

Polite non condescending posts please. I also don’t think you are getting my question.

My mum provides me a morning of childcare a week. She does it because she wants to and because she knows it really helps me out. She declined money when I offered it. Childcare is done in my house, but she takes DS to nursery for the afternoon session. So I bought the car seat. All nappies/food/cash for coffee shop etc is provided. She never takes the cash. I do leave her a bottle of wine/bunch of flowers/a new book every week or so.

There is no duty as a grandparent. It is very nice of them to offer. I dont think it should cost them to provide this care so you should provide everything substantial which is needed. They probably dont expect to be paid but I think the odd treat for them would be thoughtful.

Than you so much already. I’m just getting the hang of this group. I was absolutely planning on paying for everything my LO needs in terms of wipes etc I just wasn’t sure on the big stuff. Your replies have really helped me. Maybe I’m over thinking it? X

I used to have my son's girlfriend's kid (my son isn't the dad so the boy isn't related to us at all), 2 days a week. I didn't ask for any money, I did it to save them money. I used to have him at their house, and I'd make his lunch with their food (sandwiches, crisps, fruit).

I used to do all their ironing, sometimes hoover if it needed doing, and I'd take the boy to the park/play centre/shops etc. I paid for any little outings and for ice creams etc.

I already had car seats for my own grandchildren (I bought those).

Have a chat with them? I doubt they want payment. Be organised and make handover easy. Trust them. Dont take baby if they are really poorly. Maybe treat them to a meal out or something every so often to say thanks. Arrive on time for pick up

Grandparents don't really have any kind of 'duty', so I wouldn't say there is anything they 'should' do, but there may be some things they will do voluntarily.

My mum does 2 days childcare a week and provides all the food, bought own car seats etc. This was her choice, and I didn't expect it of her at all.

My mum/in-laws insisted there was no need for me to buy stuff but I felt I ought to make a gesture so at the start and every so often I gave them a box of nappies, wipes, spare clothes, breakfast cereal etc and I provided my DD's lunch everyday

We provided nappies, wipes, equipment, grandparents provided toys (some had been in the loft since DH was wee) I provided food when DD was weaning but now she is older she eats what they eat. They don't want money for the one full day that they do for us, but we treat them to flowers, wine, sweets throughout the year and special gifts at Christmas and birthdays.

I pay for a class for MIL to take DS to when she does a full day as I feel like £6 is nothing compared to what we save on nursery. Obviously everything for DS is provided and I ask her what she wants for lunch and have it in for her. I don't leave money for coffees etc as she wouldn't take it but will prob get her a "thank you" extra Xmas / bday gift from DS.

We're in London so she doesn't take him in the car but if I she needed one I would look into getting one of the lighter weight ones that you could then use to take on holiday as you would save money on renting one so it kills 2 birds with one stone. But I would buy the car seat as really you save so much on nursery, for us it would have paid for itself within 2 weeks just with one full day.

My parents have our little boy one day a week. We bought a car seat and I provide nappies and wipes. At first they’d spend more time at our house so would give him lunch and snacks from our supplies. Now he goes to theirs and they buy his food. Mum cooks him dinners for the day he’s there. She also gets him vests and pjs for after his bath. They pay if they take him anywhere and buy him toys for their house. We are very fortunate!!

I am a gm. I bought my own car seat. All l would want from you is nappies really as feel l couldn't be bothered buying those. And changes of clothes. But l wouldn't need coffee money or anything. The zoo thing would be nice is its nearby. Otherwise l would be happy.
Few flowers now and then would be nice as l feel a bit guilty buying them for myself but love them.

I think you should always offer (and a genuine offer not a half hearted comment) to cover their expenses when it comes to equipment, consumables and activities. It would be up to your mum if she accepts, if she doesn't then small gifts frkm time to time to show you appreciate her would be good.

Sorry, your parents not just your mum.

My parents look after DN a lot and my PIL have our dc a lot. They would never accept money for doing it and if i try to give them money for activities etc they would never take it. However, both sets of parents are very comfortably off, it might be different if they weren't.

I don't know anyone whose parents don't help out if they can, and I don't know anyone who pays them either.

So my mum gave up a full time job to look after DD when she was 10 months old when I went back to work after maternity leave. 4 days a week, from 7.30am to 4.30pm. I paid her as she was missing out on salary. But not going rate. £30 a day. Plus I provided car seats, pushchair, all nappies, wipes, formula and snacks. Plus I gave her £10 a week for activities such as toddler group etc. I preferred it as I HATE owing anyone favours. And mum loved it too and DD.

However now she only has her on the school holidays 2 days a week. So although i don’t pay her anymore I do give a generous allowance for activities and provide bits and bobs for pack lunch, and also provide car seats etc.

Mum is still saving me an absolute fortune and there is no one I would trust more to have DD.

In reality DD is spoilt rotten by mum. She gets so much time and attention and also mum spends so much of her own money on clothes and treats for DD and days out from her own pocket.

Also one important thing to note. I only ever pay when I am working. Never for what mum calls ‘grandparent duties’. Which might be baby sitting whilst DH and I have a night away or a weekend visit etc. It’s purely when I go to work. And I am glad to pay as a) no one owes me a living, and b) if I didn’t pay I would feel like I could never ask at weekends or other times as all my favours would be used up.

Hope that makes sense. I do think however if it has just been 1 day a week she wouldn’t have taken any money. It was because she took early retirement purely to help me.

My ils have dd 4 afternoons a week although this is changing from Sept to 3 pick ups and a full afternoon.

We haven't really provided anything ils like to chose their own stuff and won't accept anything from us, however we ensure they always have lovely presents from us and dd for Xmas and birthdays, take them out for lunch, have them around for dinner and always respect that on occasion they will not be able to accommodate us

I’d provide all nappies, clothes, toys and equipment . Plus national trust membership, local sport centre / pool membership or something similar they would like .

And a kitty for days out, petrol money etc

And of course 6 weeks holiday a year .

How much are they saving you and your partner in nursery fees?

Once again! Thank you, your posts are so so useful. I didn’t have a clue where to start and this has made things clearer.

I probably didn’t use the right terminology saying “duty” I just meant something they want to do as grandparents. Xx

I've just become a grandma. I'm going to be looking after my beautiful grandson 1 day a week when my DD returns to work.
I've bought a car seat, travel cot and a play mat to keep at my house as he will be staying over for the odd night when his parents are ready. I will be minding him at their house. I won't expect any money off them. If DD wants me to take him to any activities, she will pay for those. If choose to take him out, I will pay.

My parents have looked after my children a couple of days a week. They won't take any money but I bought I cheapish might pushchair that was easier for them to use instead of my heavy travel system.

'Light'