Grandparents - what do you pay for?

[JES12]

Hi all,

So, my parents are going to look after my little one for two days when I go back to work. I’m interested to know what you pay for and do you pay them?

I feel obliged to buy car seats for journeys, Zoo membership, food and pay them for having my LO. I’m torn as I don’t know how much this is just their duty as a grandparent or am I being stingy?

Thanks so much xx

Lynne1Cat - you are lovely! My mil does notneven acknowledge my son from a previous marriage let alone what you do for your son and gf

I bought the car seat, most of the toys too.

Also take them out for dinner, pay for small bits of shopping etc

My mum has my LO 2 days a week. I don't pay her but did offer as it saves me putting my LO in to childcare full time.

When she first had him I bought her a pram (she doesn't drive, so no car seat necessary) and all of his nappies, wipes, spare clothes etc. I make him a packed lunch and pack breakfast daily so she doesn't need to spend a penny. If she ever goes anywhere with him I also offer to pay for them both, though she only usually ventures to the park.

Id say it totally depends on the individual & sometimes they financial situation my dm would give her last penny to her gc but struggles financially atm as she recently had health issues & had to finish work but one of my dds grand mother's likes to splurge out on things for gc that cost a lot of money and not a necessity & I remember when she was a baby I think I deeply offended her offering her a £10 note to pick up calpol when dd was bard, & of course I appreciate everything weather little or big & all the help they give i have a friend with a young gc & she has bought & has everything in her home for the gc cot highchair walker clothes but I think it's a individual thing & something you have to try your best to get it right with them, I always provided a baby bag (clean outfit, babygrow, blanket, napp ies, wipes, bags, creams, lotions, one or two toys & bottles & some snacks & a pram or car seat depending what they needed at the time & always a travel cot offered no matter who minded my babies after a couple of times you learn what you need to pack for each person watching the child

We buy all nappies, wipes, clothes, bottles, sudocrem. Any baby-specific food such as goodies bars etc.

They provide 'normal' food, treats etc. If they want to go out for the day we offer to pay but are told they want to take them out (DC and their cousin)

My xMIL used to look after DS one day a week for me. I didn't pay her - TBH it wouldn't have occurred to me to offer - I don't know that she would have accepted. She had offered to look after him when I went back to work when I was still with XP but it was only after we split up that she started doing this regularly. She offered - I didn't ask. I think she liked being able to see DS regularly because XP was quite unreliable with how much contact we had and he didn't very often take him over there either.

She used his normal car seat in her car, and would pick him up and drop him off as I did not have a car. She took his buggy if she was planning to take him out, which she didn't very often, they were happy at her house or walking to the canal/park. He was out of nappies by the time he went but if he had needed them, I would have sent those. I didn't provide any food but he was of the age where he was eating normal food.

She provided toys and entertainment at her place. I can't remember if she provided a booster seat for the table or if he didn't need one. It didn't really occur to me to pay for things like zoos - whether they took him to places like that I can't really remember now.

We got a spare car seat for the car, I also give money if they have planned a day out like cinema trip or some money towards treats etc and then every now and again we take them out for a meal or do a nice hamper just to say thank you but that wouldn’t want paying.

Wow! My dad doesn't work much (is a professional gambler with the odd day of scaffolding). I'm looking at a job opportunity in another country (my dad's home country). He said he would move with us in a shot - he couldn't be without my DD, she's the life of his life.

Was thinking about getting the free hours for her up there, so 8-1ish, and asking him to look after her until 6. And giving him £150 a week. Was wondering if that was stingy

Think it depends on the financial status of your parents. My dad is really living on inheritance, and will get nothing but state pension in 6 years (tradesman all his life before his body packed up). If I'm on a good wage, why wouldn't I pay him to look after DD, even though he'd happily do it for free? God, if I had the money I'd buy him a house, a new car, give him money every month until he passed away. I'd do anything for him, he's my best friend.

If your ILs are retiring early with shitloads of money and insisting they have your DD, then maybe not. But if they're less well off than you are, and the money you're saving on childcare would help them, I'd definitely pay them. It would cost me more for full time childcare, so I'm saving a little too. And my DC (and presumably yours) are benefiting from 121 care from people who adore them. Win win for everyone!

We’ve never paid ours anything or given them anything other than things they need for the dc or food in the house. So like there would be nappies and wipes and other essentials available, and for my mum we’d stock the house with food until we get back (she doesn’t drive in the UK, she lives abroad, and there are no shops in walking distance). When MIL has stayed over, we had basic food at home but she brought and cooked meals for herself (she has special dietary needs). But I wouldn’t pay for days out. They can opt to do whatever they want and don’t have to do any activities and frankly would be offended at the suggestion. Neither of our families live close and only see our dc a few times a year so are quite happy to stay overnight occasionally (like very occasionally, maybe once a year if that). But yes, I would just ask what they expect.

My parents offered to have my little boy 2 days a week. They bought a pushchair, car seat and cot (now a toddler bed) for him and he has lots of toys there. I said that I would pay them but they refused. Sometimes they borrow our passes to the farm or wildlife park. They used to pay for him to do Tumbletots until he got to the class when he had to go in on his own but didn't want to. They also on those days take him home and get him ready for bed as I work later on Monday evenings and every third Tuesday and then my husband gets home and takes over. I am very grateful to them but they genuinely love having him and are not looking forward to me putting him in nursery for an extra day from Easter to get him ready for school.

Ask your parents - mine flatly refused any payment (one day and night per week) though we take them out for lunch every week as a thank you. They bought travel cot/car seat and we provide clothes/nappies/snacks etc. If they take LO out for the day e.g. Zoo, I just deposit some money into their account, they'd refuse the cash.

I pay for everything for mine but my exSIL dumps my nieces at my mums every single day and pays for nothing- I take them out because she doesn’t so either me or my mum end up paying for them. I don’t begrudge it, because I want them to join in, but I think it’s highly cheeky fuckery