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Original poster

would this offend you?

59 replies

dontgetmestarted · 01/06/2007 21:56

i apologise now-this is a long thread
my daughter's 6th party is in a few weeks and she's invited practically the whole class.
my dilemma is that with that many kids, she's bound to get loads of presents that she wouldn't really play with and will just get forgotton and/or broken and tbh the kids have so many toys anyway.
we're also going through a stage at the moment where she expects to have brought for her everything she wants.
so would it be seen as rude to ask for money instead so she can start learning about budgeting and the value of things.

personally,i'd have no problem with being asked this but i'd like to know how others feel before i ofend anyone.
(dd loves getting money as presents so she can buy her own things so this wouldn't be depriving her of a "proper" present.)

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SingingBear · 01/06/2007 22:05

This reply has been deleted

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hjscho · 01/06/2007 22:06

Just a thought...if the money is that important then cancel the party and give her the money.

Doodledootoo · 01/06/2007 22:08

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Flame · 01/06/2007 22:11

Ooh you're back to being a slug!

StinkyPete · 01/06/2007 22:11

i'd actually not mind, but realise i'm in the minority. ds was disappointed with many of the presents he got last birthday. i think when they're so young they have this fantastic idea of presents as being 'just what they always wanted'. can be a bit harsh when it's not. when it's school friends, then the parents don't actually know your child so have to guess.

would it be considered rude to give some idea of preferences on the invite? such as ds loves playmobil and lego; or ds is not so much into arts and crafts; or ds is collecting knights and dragons...
maybe having themed invites at least gives a clue as to their prefences??

Desiderata · 01/06/2007 22:11

Agree with the last spate of posters. You either give some money to a charity (in which case the party is themed around it and can get a bit grim) ... or you agree on no presents at all.

I really do think that us mums (and I haven't got to that stage yet with a 2.6 yo), should start breaking the mould. It all gets a bit silly when the entire class is invited.

SlightlyMadSlug · 01/06/2007 22:14

If you decided to do this you could add some anonymity. Buy a 'paint your own piggy bank and some CD markers or overhead projector pens etc.

Put the piggy bank in the corner. When the guests arrive they could put their 'contribution' anonymously in piggy bank and 'sign' there name on the piggy - so you know who to thank for 'cash', and as a 'memento' for DD. Adds a bit of fun for those that havn't had the opportunity to 'choose' a tasteful gift.

Don't rule out to option of buying presents though for those that want to.

SlightlyMadSlug · 01/06/2007 22:16

Flame I was a slug on teh thread of scarey things. But no-body noticed .

bettybobo · 01/06/2007 22:22

No! i really wouldnt ask for money, does sound quite bad to me. better to go for the no pressies option instead as others have said too imo

Flame · 01/06/2007 22:23

Aww, I only posted on that once I think didn't I?

lyrabelacqua · 01/06/2007 22:27

I would not like to be asked for money tbh.
But then I usually stockpile toys in the new year sales to use as birthday gifts throughout the year.
It's the first organised thing I've ever done

Elibean · 01/06/2007 22:32

dd has been invited to parties where the invite said 'please no presents, just bring yourselves'...she's only 3, though.

I wouldn't ask for money, myself.

LynetteScavo · 01/06/2007 22:33

I think it's an important part of the whole party thing, children wrapping up pressents and, adn handing them over tp the birthday child. I do know someone who asked for money towards a large toy, instead of lots of little presents. She had a colecting box for parents to put money in when they dropped thei child off.- She wasn't generally a very well liked person, by the way.
My DS's like their cheaper, and oftern bizare birthday party presents much better than the big expensive ones from family.

LynetteScavo · 01/06/2007 22:34

I did ask people not to bring any presents to DD's first birthday, as she's a third child and our house is over run with toys. I did get some lovely dresses for her, and some bunches of flowers, though.

princessmel · 01/06/2007 22:36

Yes. Sorry.

RubberDuck · 01/06/2007 22:40

TBH, I think it would backfire.

Ds1 has just started having pocket money (he's just turned 6). He also ended up having LOADS of birthday money (mostly from rellies) ... totted up to about 70 quid.

We gave him the option of saving it for something later on or buying one big thing with it but decided that we'd let him do what he wanted with it.

Effectively he's ended up in the toy store every week and bought stuff that he didn't really want but could because he had money. It's taught him bugger all about responsibility or the value of things which is a real shame. It's also caused a load of friction with his younger brother who hasn't had lots of money and didn't get toys everytime we walked past a toy shop. Has been a bit of a mare, to be frank.

Fortunately a month later, he's almost run out. So hopefully he can start appreciating money a bit better from now on.

ViciousSquirrelSpotter · 01/06/2007 22:43

No it wouldn't bother me but I wouldn't do it because I know a lot of English people are very uncomfortable about this sort of thing.

kimi · 01/06/2007 22:43

I think it would be a bit rude, also you can get something nice for a few pounds in shops like the entertainer and some people have very tight budgets (we have set a £5.00 limit on gifts for classmates party's (unless it is a good friend) where as if you give money everyone will know how much you have given and it can be embarrassing

KerryMum · 01/06/2007 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Budababe · 01/06/2007 22:46

Haven't read everyting and it may be too late but as a class this year we decided to invite everyone to every party and then everyone gave 1,000 HUf (3 quid) for a present so every child got a decent present. Worked well for us.

MerlinsBeard · 01/06/2007 23:03

I wouldn't be offended but i would feel uncomfortable. DS1 goes to a nursery attaced to a school where the majority of parents are quite affluent. Anything that needs to be bought for parties etc comes out of a very small budget which in turn means i then can't get something off my (already as small as possible) shopping list.I be embarrased sending a crd with a fiver in only to find everyone esle had given a tenner (or more!)

mylittleimps · 01/06/2007 23:14

agree with the sentiment of not wanting to ask for presents but if you don't want to just ask people not to bring presents it might be nice to ask for donations to a named charity and your DD could then be involved in presenting the cheque to the charity if local (and get picture in local press!) or receive a letter thanking her for the donation from the charity.

i don't think this would deprive her of any birthday joy as she knows she is helping others and gets a thank you from those she has helped/fuss in the paper

MissTea4Me · 01/06/2007 23:15

How about asking everyone to give her a £1 book token in lieu of a gift? I used to work in a book shop and someone did this once; I thought it was a really good idea. Not just because it was good business for the shop .

mylittleimps · 01/06/2007 23:17

sorry just read that others had already sugegsted the chaity thing so i should have just said agreed with that!

Jenkeywoo · 01/06/2007 23:18

Seriously offensive - I'm not convinced it's even acceptable for a wedding but defo no for a 6th birthday party. agree book token seems a good idea.

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