What do you do with a 7 week old?

[MeadowHay]

DD is 7 weeks old tomorrow. I've been finding it all so tough even though DH is fantastic and we get a lot of support from my parents and brother, especially in the first few weeks and DH had 3 weeks paternity. I had a horrible labour and birth and still feel traumatised by it and already had a pre-existing anxiety disorder. I still have some pain and discomfort in my episiotomy area and I'm BF despite still having horrible pain and damaged nipples that have gotten no better since around week 2, that nobody can find any reason for as had my latch checked numerous times.

Some days are better than others, but on bad days I just cry and cry because she just constantly wants to feed, which obviously I detest because of the pain, and back pain too sitting feeding her all the time, and then when she's not feeding, she basically just cries. Thankfully she's a good sleeper for her age on a night, but she rarely sleeps for more than about 20 mins at a time during the day, a few times a day, and if she's not asleep or feeding she's basically just crying. I feel like I'm relying more and more on her dummies too which I don't like because I want to teach her to self-settle etc but she just screams and screams otherwise. I feel like part of it might be boredom but what am I meant to do with her when she can't do anything yet?

I haven't managed to get out to any groups or anything yet due to my long, painful postnatal recovery period and my anxiety but I am going to go to one for new parents on Thursday afternoon. I don't have any friends with children, and no family members of a similar age with children either. I feel isolated and when she's crying on and off for like an entire hour and then I give in and end up feeding her for an hour and repeat for hours and hours on my own it's so draining.

Cuddle her, sing to her and chat to her.

Forget about self settling bullocks. It is not developmental normal to do that for years.

Most baby groups don’t run in the school holidays. Groups at this age are for you not for her. Have a look out for breast feeding support groups for things like baby social which is a cup of tea/coffee and lots of toys with a sing song for the last 10 mins.

If breast feeding is not working for your family it is OK to stop.

Meadow Not sure if I can help but thought I'd share my experience with you, I have 3 dd's and 1 ds and I can honestly say even though I love them all more than anything until they were around 4 months I really struggled with the boredom, babies just don't do much. DS (who is now 2) was the worst by far, I spent a lot of time walking the dog with him in his pram, 3 out of 4 of my kids hardly ever slept in the house during the day but get them out in the pram and they would be asleep in minutes, also ds hated being layed flat so I put a rolled up towel under his pram mattress and it made a lot of difference, while its warm you could try getting her to nap in the pram outside as log as she's in the shade and you can see her. Also I know not everyone likes using dummies but try not to worry my dd had one and I felt like it was constantly shoved in her mouth but she gave it up by the age of 1 and its not done her any harm. Have you tried having her in a sling or carrier? I didn't get on with it at all but some of my friends swear by it and at least you have both hands free.
I felt lonely sometimes as we had moved to a new area just before I had dd 3, I think you will feel better when you get to the baby groups and can have a chat with other new mums who will know how you are feeling but if you're not ready for that yet at least try and get out everyday - I used to go and sit in my local park or just have a wander around the block or to the local shops near me, some babies like noise and things going on around them so maybe your house is a little too quiet for her. All babies are different so you just have to find out what works for you, keep going I'm sure you're doing a great job.
Forgot to add I breast fed my 3 girls but had to switch ds to formula at 5 weeks as it just wasn't working for him and he wanted to feed all them time, I felt guilty at first but we were both much happier once he was bottle fed.

OP, it sounds rough and I feel for you. DD2 is currently 9wo and I'm being reminded at the moment of how relentless and grinding the early weeks are. As a first time mum, people will say to you, "Hold on to these moments as the time goes so fast," and if you are anything like me you will be thinking, "Not bloody fast enough!" They are right, it does go fast, but it's hard to know that when it's your first crack at parenthood, and you are neck-deep in cluster feeding, hours of settling and sleep deprivation.

Firstly, the nipple pain. If you can get seen by a lactation consultant (if you haven't already), try to asap. Nipple shields and hydrogel breast pads really helped me in the early weeks, as did expressing and feeding from a bottle for the odd few hours or day to give myself a break. But honestly, given the pain you're in (and even if you weren't in pain!), there's no shame in formula feeding. No one is going to give you a medal at the end of the year for carrying on EBF.

Secondly, the boredom. Babies are boring. Mine seems especially boring now I also have a very energetic and playful toddler to look after too. They quickly become interested in the world and at 6mo mine really got "fun". But at this stage you need to keep yourself stimulated first and foremost. Go out for a walk, get a coffee and a pastry, and take your baby to "see the trees" at the park. Go to the local library for rhyme time so you can meet other mums. If you can get out first thing in the morning it will knock off half the day and make the days go quicker. Both my babies were/are difficult to settle - I consider getting them to sleep in the front pack while out and about a "free" nap! If you don't fancy going out, put some music on that YOU like and dance around with your baby. Or put baby in a bouncer where they can watch you cook - narrate what you're doing - or whatever it is you're getting done. DD1 used to get a blow-by-blow account of laundry folding.

It does get easier, I promise.

for you. It's so so hard, especially first time around.
Breastfeeding sounds sore for you right now, have you considered nipple shields whilst your nipples heal? Also look for a local bf support group and go alone each week for support and advice.

Give her a dummy, honestly it's absolutely fine and really a dummy is a tool for self settling. As is sucking a thumb or whatever. If it helps, use it you can worry about taking it away when she's older. Really really, just do what helps right now, no worrying about later. There are no bad habits, it is just about today.

No need to worry about doing anything to stimulate baby right now. Feed, sleep when you can, hold, cuddle and talk to baby. Watch box sets, listen to the radio. Get out for short walks if you can.

And get yourself to a group and talk to some of the mums about your birth. It's good to share and will help with the trauma. Talk it over with your hv and your Dh and your family.

It will get better and easier. Hang on in there.

Along, not alone!

I am planning to mix feed, well basically I had a target of reaching 6 weeks of EBF although DH was giving a bottle of EBM every other night from about 3 weeks, which I did and am gradually introducing formula since last week, she had two bottles last week on evenings from DH and my plan is basically to slowly increase the amount of formula bottles over the next few weeks until mixed feeding feels more manageable to me and/or she's completely weaned on to formula depending on whether it doesn't get any better for me. I wish I had never started BF now though, I have had such a horrendous time with pain and the BF support workers and my mam and everyone told me the first fortnight or so would be bad and then it would get better, it's 7 weeks and no better at all! My nipples look awful. I did a Google search and could only find one lactation consultant in my city and we called them twice and left a VM and no response. I have had lots of support from midwives, infant feeding team and BF peer support workers and nobody seems to be able to help or make it better. I use nipple shields every other feed which has helped a little bit for the damage although the left one suddenly got new cracks in it yesterday so I'm using the shields at every feed on the left side til it heals a bit. I also use the Multi-Mam compresses when I remember but she feeds so frequently it's difficult to remember and also find a time when I can leave them on for long enough. Today she's been feeding on and off all day, I think it might be her 6-week growth spurt but delayed? As she wasn't like this last week but she was like this around the 4-week mark.

The thing is the suggestions of what to do I just don't seem to be able to do because she won't just sit and watch me do something, she just cries! I get too frightened to go out and take her anywhere because I know she will just cry and want to be fed, and I hate feeding her because of the pain and can't put nipple shields on in public and often she latches and unlatches over and over again and screams etc and I get so stressed and anxious even at home nevermind out in front of lots of strangers staring at me .

You poor thing - it’s so hard isn’t it.
I agree with other pps about dummies, getting out early in the morning.
One thing you could try is a sling or wrap like the moby wrap ( I had one). You can pick them up second hand on eBay. Then you can sometimes carry your baby round and get on with things hands free while she enjoys cuddles. Then you’re not just sitting there. She also may get some good naps when snuggled up close.
I had one with my second so I could juggle looking after my older DS in those difficult early weeks. It was a godsend and I wish I’d got one for my first.
The screaming you describe is most likely tiredness, not boredom, so don’t worry about stimulating her. Just hearing your voice, looking at your face and the odd colourful toy is enough for her at the moment.

My nipples were v painful but recovered around the 6 week mark and I went on to BF until 17 months. If they're still sore by week 8 I think you need to see someone again as my understanding is they should have toughened up by then and stopped hurting when feeding. Although I'm no expert.

Mine wouldn't let me watch box sets! All my friends with babies the same age talked about how anytime their kid had a growth spurt and cluster fed they just settled themselves on the sofa with a box set for the day. I was so jealous! I basically had to spend the day bored. The only thing I could do was put a magazine either side of me and read one of them while she fed on one side and the other while she fed on the other side!

There's no shame in switching to formula. I had hoped to BF my DD but it unfortunately didn't work out; we had problems latching and I don't think my supply was enough initially to keep her happy so she'd get frustrated trying to feed. I switched to formula and it honestly felt so much less stressful. It sounds like BF is an anxious and unpleasant experience for you - formula feeding could be the better option.

As for getting out the house you could try small trips out initially - a short walk, popping to a local coffee shop, etc to try and build your confidence being out and about with a baby. Don't worry about other people and what they might think if your baby is crying. I took my DD to meet a friend in the John Lewis cafe a few days ago and she pulled out every trick in her arsenal; howling for food just as we sat down with a slice of cake, a giant poo and being violently sick in her pram(!) but I had to laugh it off instead of worrying what the other customers must have been thinking (think I might have ran away otherwise!)

Have you considered reflux? This sounds a lot like both my DDs, they start/ed crying about 20-30 minutes after waking and continue until sleep, and won't/wouldn't be put down for anything. The poor feeding might also be a symptom of that, both mine almost purse/d their lips away from my nipple and as a result gulped in lots of air. They also hate/d being bent around me to feed. I have to exclusively bottlefeed EBM to DD2 at the moment for this reason.

With DD1, the HV gave me some unexpected but great advice: "If she cries all the time at home anyway, you might as well take her for a walk crying, then at least you'll get some air."

Limp The lip pursing, do you mean at an angle sort of pulling in the direction away from the nipple? Because if so, that is exactly what she does on both sides so both my nipples have ridges of blisters across them at the angle that she does it iyswim? I try to keep her head straight on but she just pulls away from my hand and turns herself to the same position every time so I've given up battling that now and the BF peer supporters had no advice to offer me on that and the HV said "maybe it's to do with the shape of her mouth"...infant feeding team midwife said she has a high palate but did not explain the significance of that. Still don't think it is really reflux though, she doesnt vomit much and she sleeps really well for her age at night lying flat on her back in her bednest. It's just the daytimes she doesn't really sleep.

Ok, yes mine were trying to pull away. I have a fast flow, too, which didn't help.

A lack of vomiting doesn't always mean it's not reflux - DD1 would projectile vomit (including in her sleep) and our GP on witnessing that once actually sent us to A&E, but DD2 doesn't vomit at all. However, she does have all the same symptoms as DD1 besides that, and I'd actually say she is worse in terms of feeding, sleeping and crying. DD1 would nap 45 minutes which I thought was terrible at the time, but I'm hard pushed to get 15 minutes out of DD2. The main thing they do/did besides the feeding issue is that they will/would scream a very high-pitched scream on burping (that's the acid).

I think if your baby is consistently crying all day and not just in the witching hours then it may be worth a trip to the GP.

Sorry not read the whole thread and sorry if been mentioned. She might be crying alot because she is actually hungry? I wanted to Bf but it was so sore so what i done was express into bottles, it didnt affect my bonding still loads of cuddles at feeding time. Boobs healed and happy mum = happy baby whos getting enough as you will see in the ounces and weight gain.

Your baby is very young, a wee back and forth in the buggy even up and down the hall... hopefully soothe. Hoovers and hair dryers help sometimes.

Xx

MeadowHay I think I remember you from hyperemesis group? I am so sorry if it's you indeed as a pregnancy suffering of HP then a traumatic labour followed by an unhappy baby must be so so hard. Poor wee one though,maybe she actually is still hungry? Maybe try a top up with formula or expressed milk once and see if she is more settled?
My DD is now 21 weeks but I remember how unhappy she used to be at the 7 week mark whenever we were home.. until I realised she loved beinf outdoor! Until now, she is happiest when we are out and about. I understand that it is still hard for you to go out at this point but can you consider a swing? My Joie swing was an absolute lifesaver until she outgrew it at 18 weeks and that is cus I have a big tall baby, above average otherwise she would have lasted longer in it. White noise worked wonders in the early weeks as well. Give it a try and I wholeheartedly hope it works for you.
for you.

I could take her to the doctor but I don't think there is anything wrong with her...she doesn't cry when she burps and her cry doesn't sound like a pain cry, it's not really high pitched or anything. I think she might be overtired as she's awake for a couple of hours a time and then only sleeps for like 20/30 minutes then wants feeding again then cries for 30 minutes til she sleeps and repeat gah. I should say not every day is this bad to be fair. Yesterday and today have been grim though.

I do express a bit, DH gives her a bottle of expressed milk every other night from her being around 3 weeks old and we started introducing formula last week so from this week she'll be getting a bottle every night from him, alternating expressed milk with formula as I don't have it in me to express more than I already am. It's ok for a bit but I do find it uncomfortable and fiddly and it's not something I could do exclusively, I find women who exclusively pump amazing tbh it's such hard work! But I don't think she is hungry, her weight gain has been great - she never even lost weight after birth she put on weight by the time of her first weigh-in with the midwife and has consistently been gaining well since then with plenty of wet and pooey nappies.

Shez Yep, that's me. I honestly just feel awful about all of it, like I can't do one single part of it right or not one part of it went ok for me, I had a horrible pregnancy, a horrible labour, a horrible delivery, and a horrible time breastfeeding. It's like I'm just not really meant for motherhood but now I have a baby it's too late...

She has had 3 30-minute naps today, all courtesy of the dummy and once rocking her in the cradle, once rocking her in her car seat, and once rocking her on my legs.

@MeadowHay you may have tried this but I had one really cracked nipple so on that side I only fed rugby hold or lying down (rather than cradle) to avoid the cracks being rubbed until it healed. Have you tried mixing positions so the same parts of your nipple aren't always being irritated?

I would second some sort of sling. The only significant nap I get out of my DD is in the sling. I also second varying position and maybe some small pillows.

Mine was just a little older when I started to be able to play with her for short periods with her baby gym or her bouncy seat so I would keep trying.

Hey MeadowHay another Hyperemesis board member here! I'm sorry to see you're struggling even after a horrible pregnancy!

DS wanted to feed a lot for the first 12 weeks of his life and at about week 3 I had to start pumping because my nipples were so sore. A few days of that really helped them heal but I understand mine weren't anywhere near as bad as yours sound!

I also had problems because I have a fast flow. DS would have terrible wind because he would gulp air as he got shocked by the sudden amount of milk spurting out of me. It didn't matter whether I waited or not. Hed suck really hard and then it would just hit the back of his throat, even after waiting for the letdown.
He also didn't seem to have a good latch. Still doesn't, but he feeds well regardless. As long as she's gaining weight ok then I'd say she's fine in that respect but if you're still not sure then definitely try to see a consultant.

Have you tried playing "white noise" type sounds to help her stay asleep at all? DS had a knack of short naps but found having the washing machine on in the background or the noise of a Hoover on YouTube really helped. Sometimes I'd just let him suckle on me for an hour. He's never taken to a dummy but I'm trying to introduce them again now. I found a mixture of rocking him/noises/feeding when asleep really helped.

Hang in there

And don't be afraid to talk to your GP or HV about possible PND. I cried so much for so long before accepting I might have it. Now I have it's easier to manage.

This sounds eerily reminiscent of my second baby (except he was also a shit sleeper overnight). The good thing about it being second time round is you know the ‘enjoy them when they’re tiny’ thing is bollocks and I knew that newborns are not my favourite age, by a long way.

I used nipple shields for two years in the end. Even paid £££ for a lactation consultant who eventually said ‘if this is the only way your nipples won’t bleed, then this is the way to do it’.

With an elder child, I did have to get out, even if just to pick him up from nursery. We had some really screamy pram and carrier rides. He was a cryer (and at 2.4 now, is still more, er, vocal) and nothing I could do stopped that.

He’d never eversettle in a bouncy chair or even a jumperoo later. My eldest - whilst by no way an easy baby - loved these things and I genuinely didn’t know what to do.

Like you, I dismissed going to a doctor, because ‘er my baby cries a lot and I can’t put him down’ just sounds like a recipe for a fobbing off.

The good news is that I can promise you it does get better. You’ll soon hit a time when your baby will go a little bit longer between feeds. Ff if you want to (but I also understand the compulsion to continue with the ebf). Talk to your baby even if it’s random shit ‘oh shall we go on an adventure today and buy some eggs?’ You may not enjoy your baby much, and look enviously at other mums in their babies (to be honest I still feel sad I’ve never had that) but soon you will have a talking walking one who is do much more fun.

(Currently seven months pregnant with number 3 and dreading the early bit).

Hi I'm so sorry I haven't had time to read through the thread but I didn't want to read and run as I was you!
Please get checked for thrush, are your nipples shiny red? I had it and no one noticed till my DS threw up blood !
Nipple shields are amazing they helped me heal.
Go topless when ever you can, I slept on a towel as I leaked but the air does work !
I'll come back later and read through to see if I missed anything x

Don't put yourself on so much pressure to express that bottle. The odd bottle of formula here and there will give your poor boobs a break.

It might be worth looking for a cranial osteopath for baby. I've never used one but a friend who also had a traumatic delivery said her baby is totally different after. Used to cry and feed all day and is now a happy smiling baby.

Otherwise it's totally normal to question why you had them at this point. Everyone does. Doesn't mean you don't love them or things won't get easier eventually. There is no shame in a trip to the gp to determine if this is exhaustion and hormones or PND. Catch it early and it's easier to get better.

Oh gosh I felt like that I had a terrible time conceiving, being pregnant, giving birth and breastfeeding. I ended up with PND. However she is now a lovely five year old and I enjoy being her mum very much. The early bit is just crap but you’ll get through it!! Funnily my friends who enjoyed the early bits don’t seem to enjoy the rest so much. Find a way to feed your baby that isn’t painful and don’t feel guilty about it. My daughter had tongue tie and it was completely miserable feeding her and contributed massively to the PND.

What @anotherangel2 says "Cuddle her, sing to her and chat to her.

Forget about self settling bullocks. It is not developmental normal to do that for years. "

All I can say is you're doing a brilliant job, your baby is very lucky to have such a committed mummy and you'll get through this tough time and be so proud of yourself for surviving it

You're right to get all the support going, that's what it's there for. Xx

Reflux/silent reflux/tongue tie I'd say. Sounds like all of my 3 it's a total bitch. Can only echo the suggestions - shields, dummy as much as she wants, and most importantly a WRAP SLING. Get one, figure out the ties, and I promise you it will change your life for the better. If she cries at first just keep walking and jiggling til she settles. Put her in the sling or pram each time for a nap. Loads of white noise.

Use lansinoh before and after each feed if you continue bf. When she pulls off the boob it is likely she needs to sit up and burp. Does she gulp/click?

If you ff that is totally fine.

The good news OP is that once you have her used to the sling you will be able to get out a bit more without her screaming the place down.

The other good news is that when things get better for you (and they will) you will find all the other 'challenges' a piece of piss! Nothing for me has been as hard as having a baby scream in my face all day (x3) while trying to EBF.

It's fine to wish these days away. It will get better.