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Parenting

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Original poster

Daughter bit another child and they need stitches!

27 replies

Aeon6 · 02/08/2018 19:00

Went to pick my 3yo up today and was told that she bit another child so hard that they need stitches. I am so beyond upset and have no idea what to do.

I feel like I have to do something to try to make this up to the other parent. I am absolutely horrified that my Daughter has done this and am so upset for the other child and their parents.

Has anyone been through this? Have you any advice on what I should do?

OP posts:

Branleuse · 02/08/2018 19:09

was this at a childminders or nursery? What did they say, how did that come about. Has she bitten before?

It doesnt mean your child is terrible. Shes three, and she should have been supervised

Seniorschoolmum · 02/08/2018 19:09

My ds hit another child hard in the face when he was about 4. I was appalled. As far as I am aware he has never seen that sort of behaviour.
All you can do is explain very very clearly that hitting/biting is not allowed and if it happens again, there will be consequences.

And stick to your word. If it happens again, calmly explain no tv/ sweet treat/trip to the park. Don’t be upset, your dc is testing boundaries. They’re going to do that, on and off for the next 15 years.

Seniorschoolmum · 02/08/2018 19:11

And yes, apologise to the other mum/dad. If they are any kind of parent they will understand.

missyB1 · 02/08/2018 19:12

I work in a nursery, biting is more common than you think. Tell your dd how sad this has made you feel, perhaps help her to make a card to say sorry. Explain to her that she needs to use her words next time.

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 02/08/2018 19:16

Do you know the other parent?

I'd say what you've said here (so so sorry, mortified, etc.).Face to face if possible, card or similar if not. I would help your daughter make a card/bake a cake to say "sorry" to the other child as well. The parent will very likely understand (I'd be upset but not critical and secretly slightly relieved I wasn't on your end of the situation) but even if they don't, or are just understandably not quite ready to get over it yet, you'll have done what you could. Toddlers do this stuff, it doesn't mean she's going to grow up feral.

Silvercatowner · 02/08/2018 19:17

My son bit another child and their mum was outraged. I was mortified. The bitten child’s mum implied that my son was damaged and needed help. Two weeks later her child bit my son. Left a mark. I inwardly chuckled. Twenty eight years later - son hasn’t bitten anyone for a while, that I’m aware of. He has a job and stuff.

Shadow1986 · 02/08/2018 19:20

My ds bit my friends little girl just before they went on holiday and I could see the bruise on her arm in all their holiday photos, I was mortified. It’s so common though. I would definitely contact parents to apologise and send a card/treat to child to say sorry. These things happen.

Thesearmsofmine · 02/08/2018 19:22

I would ask your childcare what led up to it and what they did about it afterwards. I would also apologise to the other parents if possible and as others have said get little one to make a card to say sorry too.

I am sure you already encourage her to be gentle and use her words instead of hitting/biting/whatever so just continue to do this, many children do bite at some point

Datedandold · 02/08/2018 19:25

I’d be wondering how long the biter and bitee were unsupervised for, because to break the skin to the extent it needed stitches is more than a two second chomp/owch.

Sympathies though, I was a biter. Apparently my mum bit me to show me how much it hurt so I just adapted my technique to make sure nobody was looking...

BloodyWorried · 02/08/2018 19:25

No idea how to deal with your dd but please consider blood borne viruses and read the guidance: www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/accidents-first-aid-and-treatments/what-should-i-do-after-contact-with-someone-elses-blood-or-saliva/

kissthealderman · 02/08/2018 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mayhemmumma · 02/08/2018 19:48

Poor you OP. I would approach them and say you were horrified to hear about it and that you are very sorry, I would probably buy the child something...but what is hard.

Remember your child is only 3 so don't neat yourself up. It happens and thry will grow out of it

FranticallyPeaceful · 02/08/2018 21:57

My son was bit on the face by somebody else when he was younger!

Did you apologise to the parent? Because honestly I wouldn’t have cared (I mean I did care but I would have just put it down to kids being little spoons) but the other parent just totally blanked me and never mentioned it, the child didn’t apologise nor did she make them! I would just explain how appalled you are as you have in the post. It isn’t you fault and they’re only three! But showing some concern and getting your child to say sorry is definitely the way to go imo

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 02/08/2018 21:59

Stitches!!

Original poster

Aeon6 · 02/08/2018 23:08

I just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone. Thank you for taking the time to share your advice and funny comments, it has made this evening a bit easier.

My daughter has just turned three and seems to have hit the 'terrible twos' a little late. She stamps her foot sometimes and tells me, 'No!' very sternly but she has never bitten before, (apart from biting her own arm once.) She may be a little stroppy at times at the moment but is still mostly good.

She is at Nursery. The lady I spoke to said that she bit the other child on the nose and that they thought that the other child was ok at first but then when they wiped their nose there was a lot of blood. I honestly had to hold back tears when she said that. I don't know the other child or their parents. They said that my daughter didn't understand what she had done at first and was very upset. They sat my Daughter on her own for a little while and then suggested that she make a sorry card.

I waited until we were home to tell her off and cried behind my sunglasses the whole way home, (this month has been utter s* and this was the icing on the cake.) DH and I both sat down with her and had stern words. Her Father told her that it was completely unacceptable and that it cannot happen again. We went over things a few times to make sure she understood. She has been warned that certain toys will go on holiday if she doesn't behave. I still can't believe that she did it and cannot understand why.

I have written a letter to the other parent as I don't know them. I wasn't sure what was appropriate so have put some Bear fruit roll ups in the envelope for the other child. I apologised profusely and have let them know how sorry we are. I really hope that their little one is ok :(

OP posts:

BertrandRussell · 02/08/2018 23:14

Oh, OP- I so feel for you. My ds tried to strangle his best friend in year 2. It was awful-but they are 17 now and still best friends. I still apologise to his mum every month or so......

UnderHerEye · 02/08/2018 23:21

Hi OP,

Hope you are doing ok, I think an apology is enough - a sorry card/picture from DD and if you can catch the parents a quick ‘I’m so sorry, hope your little one is ok’ would be good.

I wouldn’t send treats for the bitten kid, i think an apology should be sufficient.

Booboostwo · 02/08/2018 23:56

OP it happens. Many kids bite and many are bitten in return, don’t take it to heart. My DS was a terribly bitter, enough to break skin, but he bit me and his sister. When he went to nursery he was bitten twice by other children, these things happen. It took him a long while to stop doing it and he only really understood when we got a puppy. The puppy mouthed him and he was affronted...I took the opportunity to point out that the puppy only did what he had been doing to others for ages. He never bit again.

Quadrangle · 03/08/2018 17:14

Dd had to have her head glued after being pulled over on the playground at nursery by a 3 year old when she was 2. The nursery called an ambulance as there was so much blood. The mum bought dd a present to say sorry which i appreciated. They ended up in the same class at secondary. The girl is lovely and hasn't pulled dd over once

YeTalkShiteHen · 03/08/2018 17:16

If she’s never bitten before, what happened in the run up to it? It seems odd that she just lunged and bit the other child?

I think a letter is lovely.

DS1 was a biter, it was soul destroying at the time.

SureIusedtobetaller · 03/08/2018 17:22

Ds was also a biter. Got expelled from nursery (really!) for it at 2. I was mortified at the time but he seems to be holding down a responsible job these days without involving teeth.
Apologise, try to move on- it happens a lot. And I too wonder what led up to it.

flumpybear · 03/08/2018 17:29

Both mine were biters - no long term
Damage to their teeth

Seriously though it happens all the time - it's unfortunate that stitches were needed and quite strange too teeth aren't that sharp!/limited force ...

InDubiousBattle · 03/08/2018 17:37

Op, biting is really common at this age. My d's has been quite badly bitten a few times , at pre school and by friends cc. I think your reactions speaks volumes. One of my friends was clearly mortified and was all over her dc until the phase passed. The other made a half hearted attempt to talk about being gentle. Obviously the first friends dcs biting phase was uch more short lived than the other. Ds's worst bite came from dd. She got the bollocking of her life, ds got a lot of fuss and she never did it again. One thing I would suggest though is that if you're going to confiscate toys as punishment then I would tell her that, no mention of them going on holiday! I wouldn't let dd play with me and ds for a little while after she bit him 'because I couldn't ttust her not to bite', she understood why so along with the telling off it worked well.

daffodildelight · 03/08/2018 17:41

My son bit another boy when he was 2 at toddler group. It was a nasty deep bruise. I was so shocked. The poor biter screamed. It was right I front of me but it was so quick I couldn't stop it.
I apologised profusely to the mum (who was also right there when he bit). I was I tears I felt so bad. In my experience no matter how well they are supervised it can't be stopped. It's so quick. The mum forgave me but I still felt terrible and do still to this day! I stopped going to toddlers for a while as I felt so bad and avoided the mum too as I felt so guilty. She was lovely though she was obviously upset too.

daffodildelight · 03/08/2018 17:41

Poor bitee screamed I meant

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