Being told off for son helping with chores

[chocolateaddicted]

My 3yo DS has been with his grandparents this weekend (my MIL/FIL) because they have a lovely cottage by the coast and it's only an hour away. It was really kind of them to take him away and, if I do say so myself, my son is an absolute delight to have so not worried about him being there as they are getting on in years.

I've just been to collect him and got a lecture first. In fact more of a telling off because my son told them he always helps mummy with chores. Apparently it started because the washing machine finished it's cycle and he started unloading it into a basket. He does this loads at home and I've always thought it was good to teach him to help around the house.

I was told he's too young and it's dangerous letting him do such things. Apparently her holster were allowed to be children and never expected to help out at home (yes. I've been married to one of those children for six years and can testify he was never taught to wash clothes).

Nothing is forced at home. He's three so unloading a clothes wash, putting away toys, taking his dirty plates to the kitchen and helping dust things (the walls mainly) are his only jobs. He also likes the dyson handheld so does hoovering occasionally. We've not exactly taught him but I spent two years being a SAHM so I think he just saw it as normal. Obviously he doesn't do things dangerous like cook dinner or chop trees!

Please tell me this is normal parenting and I'm not expecting too much? I think he genuinely likes helping me.

Don't listen to them! You're doing a great thing. Point them towards Montessori lifestyles - all about giving children independencia at a young age. My 2 year old loves 'sweeping', emptying the washing basket, helping to make cakes.

All totally normal and part of realising that keeping a home tidy is a joint effort I think.

My DS is 21 months and he loves unloading the washing machine! He often brings me things to hang on the clothes horse. He also loves following me around as I hoover, pretends to mop the floor and packs away his nappy change stuff after we use it.

Like you say, as long as it’s not forced chores at that age and the jobs are things which are age appropriate then what’s the harm?

Sounds great! My baby boy is in his 20s now, and he can hoover, use a washing machine and unload and organise shopping. Along with basic cooking and cleaning. As long as your DS is having fun and is supervised, I think it’s a great way to parent.

To be honest it all started with sweeping. Never has a 90p IKEA dustpan and brush been so adored!

With mine, it was skirting boards and mouldings with a damp duster. Hours of fun.

Thank you for the support. I would never give him a chores list or never expect him to do things. However he knows if he makes a mess it has to be cleaned up. Spillages I deal with-crumbs he does (although I suspect it's so he can play with the dyson). I did t dare tell her he pulls weeds too for me, and flowers sometimes, and that watering the plants is also a team effort.

She just made me question my parenting and the way she spoke down to me was as if I was doing it in purpose. He does do a lot to help me and I should probably stop him sometimes. Like I said though he genuinely seems to want to help.

Bah. My DS is currently making gazpacho with a stick blender. He's 8.
He washed and hulled the strawberries for everyone's breakfast this morning too.

No! Why would you stop him?

It’s normal parenting.

My PILs don’t like the fact that my D.C. help at home.

My MIL told me that my DH was never “forced to be a slave”.

I just smiled and said “clearly” with a rather arch tone. She hasn’t commented since.

Next time don’t stand and take the lecture. Be calm and polite but defend yourself.

@NonaGrey that sounds like a very similar situation. It's abundantly clear my husband was mothered to the point of laziness at times!

Your son sounds like my 3 year old daughter. She likes to help me tidy up. She gets the dust pan out and sweeps the floor, sometimes helps with washing or just puts pegs on the bottom of clothes as she can't do much else! She puts toys away, clothes in the washing basket, she weeds for me as well. Also empties the dishwasher as well. Well does bits of all with help of course. She would help more if she could or I let her as she enjoys it and doesn't see it as chores it's all just fun to her. It's good they see housework as normal and it's needs doing by everyone I think. Silly woman.

We've just told DS it's bathtime. I thought of you, OP, when he immediately grabbed the broom and said, "bit more sweeping."

My dd is 2 and insists on 'helping' with some jobs, sweeping, hanging laundry, wiping tables, putting things in the bin. I've never insisted she do a job, she likes to help and feel useful. I think it's normal for toddlers to want to be involved in what you're doing.

You are doing a fabulous job I am sure your husband will agree.

I am in exactly the same situation as you but my DH has said how much he wants our boys to do this (2&4). His Mother on the other hand thinks it’s practically a readon to phone the ISPCC. They are doing age appropriate jobs (not very well!) with help.

My husband will testify tgat going into your late teens/20s unable to work a washing machine, cook a basic meal etc etc is very restricting and certainly not helpful to getting on in life!

@Somersetlady yeah he isn't a pro yet and the jobs occasionally create more than they solve but it's the thought and effort that counts. 😆 he cleaned the white walls with a dirty cloth after cleaning the plants... that caused a bit of confusion as he then squirted water at it (I told him it was cleaning spray) and smeared it 🤦🏼‍♀️ it was so funny but I couldn't laugh because I might have hurt his feelings.

That sounds lovely. He'll be a delight as he grows older, too!

I think your MIL is seriously out of line. She needs to meet some assertiveness from you.

Ignore that. You'd actually be doing your son a disservice by doing everything for him. At the end of the day, you're raising your son to be an ADULT one day who needs to be able to cook, clean, do laundry.

My son is 17mos old and loves to help dust, sweep, put laundry away (half shoving it into a messy pile in the drawer ), pass us clothes etc from the airing cupboard to put away etc. They're all 'fun' tasks right now. I go by the thought that 'i would do anything for my son but I'm not doing everything for him'. Obviously he's young at the moment but as he gets older, he'll have chores. I'm not sending my son out into the world when he's old enough and into an adult relationship without being to do his fair share around the house.

So you're doing great OP. Please ignore the silly comments.

Starting young makes life so much easier as they grow up imo.
Even the toddler has to put his plate in the dishwasher after we finish eating. I am not sure how you introduce this suddenly at a later age and indeed what age this would be!?
I have the laughing silently off to a tee aswell choclate!

What you are doing is the normal, and sensible way.

What you are doing sounds so lovely and I think is absolutely good for him. I hope I can encourage my 1yo to "help me out" soon. 😊

I just think of the infuriating lads I lived with at uni who didn't know how to wash up etc. I don't want my boys to be like that, so I get them to do chores. They are 7 and they help me unstack the dishwasher every day, they scrape their leftover food in the bin and put their plates and cutlery in the dishwasher. They can get themselves drinks and snacks and make toast. I worry I'm not getting them to do enough.

I'm convinced toddlers just enjoy being helpful. Mine is 22 months and he and his friends enjoy watering the plants, dusting, vacuuming, sweeping, hanging clothes up to dry and putting away toys.

You are doing a super job. Your MIL sounds like an idiot.

I don't let mine unpack the dishwasher as the sharp knives are on the bottom. They often fill up the washing machine (I do have to check they haven't put anything in e.g. pens)

They absolutely love 'cleaning' the toilet floor and sweeping up

None of their business - how dare they tell you of - who do they think they are! AndI speak as a grandmother.