What's your evening routine for your young toddler? Ours not working. Help!

[Chocolateismyvice]

My son is 16.5 months old and currently, our routine is not working for the evening. He gets up on average at 6.30 but can be as early as 5.30 or well after 7. He has breakfast about half hour after waking, lunch between 12.30-1pm. Typically has two naps a day but the afternoon has been hit and miss, or takes ages to settle. I have tried to drop it but something always throws a spanner in the works.

Onto the evening, from 5.30, we have quiet play time then...
6pm: dinner and pudding (yoghurt, sometimes with fruit)
6.35pm: more play time
7pm: upstairs for a bath which he loves so stays in there a while
7.30pm: runs around upstairs like the Energiser bunny while we have to chase him to dress, brush teeth, etc
8pm: bottle (upstairs) then settle to sleep.

However, he takes aaaaages to fall asleep and plays around with the curtains, monitor, pillows, walks around the bed(he's safe), tries to make you laugh, bounces, plays with your face, give and take with this comforter, etc. He just mucks around. We lay on the bed with them then put him in his cot once asleep and we basically remain silent, don't engage and pretend to sleep but he just doesn't want to sleep.

Last night, he finally went to sleep at 9.45 then awake again at 5.15am this morning!

He's a pure bundle of energy and has a 'second wind' in the evenings, no matter how tired he is!

I'm going to try changing his routine around and not making any major plans for the next few weeks while we establish it.

We usually eat at 6pm when his dad gets home from work but it's currently not working. I'd like to drop a nap so he's only having one big one after lunch and shift his dinner time earlier (about 5.15-5.30pm) then in the bath by 6.15pm.

Whatever we are doing now is not working. I love him to bits but this is every night, and my partner and I could do with a few evenings together as we get NO time. Not begrudging our boy at all but something has to change.

Any thoughts/tips/suggestions?
What's your evening routine with your toddler?
Sorry for the long post!

I was going to suggest your suggested new routine. My 2yo has been doing much the same since 13mo. Except nap is 11am with lunch after so she's ready for bed at 7pm. Typically she wakes at 7am. It's not foolproof and she definitely has off days.

We never bathed DD at night because she loved the bath so much she got really excited and couldn't sleep for ages afterwards. I know the general received wisdom is that it calms them down but it never worked for us, maybe try dropping the bath (We shower in the mornings instead, but you could bath in the morning, or at a different point in the day if you prefer) and see if it makes any difference?

Could he be overtired? If he doesn’t always have an afternoon nap and is up until 8pm then that’s a long time for a 16 month old to be awake. I think you’re right to make a point of dropping to 1 nap as it sounds like he’s ready but to make it after lunch.

I’d also do wind down after dinner, is there a cartoon he’ll watch quietly or read a story before he goes up to his bath. Brush teeth before the bath so that’s one less thing to chase him to do. But otherwise I think your new routine with 1 nap sounds good.

On reading your post I was going to suggest moving the dinner and bath earlier but your suggested it. Dinner between 5-6 followed by bath and bottle- start the bed time closer to 7- even if it takes an hour he will be asleep by 8.

DS is 22 months, we’ve had the same routine that you have now up to 8pm since he was about 16 months. At that point we had been cuddling him to sleep then putting him in the cot but he was just too heavy - he’d started waking when I transferred him so we moved to reading 2 stories on our lap then one in his cot (initially always the same one in the cot) then saying goodnight, turning the light off and sitting in the chair beside the cot until he went to sleep. The first 2 weeks were awful, he’d spend up to an hour standing up in the cot screaming and crying, we’d comfort him, cuddle him and lie him back down, never get him out of the cot. After that he’d generally lie down himself and settle. It still takes 20-40 minutes of sitting next to him in the dark shhing and sometimes holding his hand but hoping to eventually get to putting him down saying goodnight, turning the light off and leaving - the holy grail!
It’s pretty much impossible for us to do earlier bedtime because of work, plus I don’t want him up any earlier so will be interested to see if that works for you.

I’ve got two toddlers, 3yo and 20 months old.

Dinner: 5pm
Bath: 6:30pm
Both asleep by 7:15pm after stories and the small one has had milk.

They both wake at around 6am.
Little one always naps around 12pm for anything between 1.5hrs and 3hrs
Big one sometimes naps after lunch for about 1.5hrs

Oh and DS has had one nap a day after lunch at nursery since he was just over a year old, with us at the weekend he’ll sometimes still have two, makes no difference at bedtime.

I was also going to suggest it sounds like over tiredness. My DS is the same age and has manic times when very tired. We do dinner at 5 (he has dinner at 4 at nursery!) bath at 6, bed by 6.30, awake again at 6 or 6.30. I don’t stay with him while he falls asleep, I listen out and then go in and shhh him if necessary.

I think it’s too much of an “adult” routine in terms of meal times etc but obviously every child’s different.

We follow nursery’s routine - breakfast 8am, lunch 11ish, nap straight after (1-2 hours), dinner 3-4ish, milk 6ish bath then bed 6.30.

@Fresas, having a bath in the morning would be difficult as we are usually out early in the morning plus hes usually COVERED in dinner and yoghurt so needs to be hosed down before bed

@TroubledLichen, I'm honestly not sure about the overtired. If he's had an early morning nap (always goes down like a dream for this) then I try for an early afternoon nap but it doesn't always happen (couple of times last week, hes still awake after an hour so we give up).

@DrWhy, thanks, I'll run it by DP (he does most of the bedtime routines) about trying him in his cot and stories.

Thanks for the messages so far everyone!

Just to add, we've had to the routine since 6-6.5 months when we started weaning and introducing dinner. He's had a bath every single evening since 3 months. I think the light evenings are definitely not helping, despite black out curtains!

Re: overtiredness. He's literally the same whether he refuses an afternoon nap altogether, only had half hour, an hour....it doesn't seem to make a difference. Nothing had changed recently but this has only become an issue in the last few months. It's like everything is just too much fun and he's afraid of missing out He just wants to play constantly.

Also to add, if he does refuse an afternoon nap then he has some quiet time with the TV on for a little while. It's the only time he's not charging around he a million miles an hour 🤣

I like the sound of your new routine. Gives you more time to yourself in the evening too.

At that age one nap, 12-2, then starting bedtime routine (bath/pjs/story) at 6:30. In bed and asleep by 7:30

My DD is 14.5 months and we’ve been trying to get her to have just one nap over lunchtime rather than two (she was previously having one mid-morning and wanting another around 3pm, and then staying up all evening).

When it works it’s fabulous, as she’s ready for sleep around 7pm and but like you say, spanners are easily thrown in the works and if we drive anyway and she dozes off it messes the whole thing up. Or sometimes she treats bedtime as a nap and wakes up at 8.30pm and is wide awake. But we’re getting there. Good luck!

Only you will know if this will work for you, but if I try to stay in the room with dd or get her to go to sleep on our bed she will mess around for ages. If we read a story, then put her in her cot and leave the room she will be asleep within 10 minutes.

When she was a bit younger she’d sometimes cry or call for me in which case I’d go back in, give her a quick cuddle then lie her back down and say goodnight before leaving the room again.

My DD is now 22 months, but since 15 months she has usually only had one nap and her days look like this:

6.30ish Wake up
7am Breakfast
Morning: playgroup or class etc
12pm: lunch
1pm ish: nap for 1-3 hours (can be quite variable depending on night sleep)
5.15: dinner
6.15: bedtime routine with bath every 2 days, milk, a few stories on our bed
7pmish: put her down in her room, light off. In winter this usually works perfectly and she goes to sleep. At the moment it takes her about an hour because of the light/heat and if she gets agitated my partner or I go to sit with her. Sometimes she just happily chats to her teddies until she nods off.

The transition to one nap was a bit painful and there are still days when she falls asleep on the way home from the morning activity which buggers it up a bit.

Yes, shift dinner time earlier. It’s a shame if you don’t get to eat as a family but at least he’ll see dad at bath time. Plenty of time to have weekday dinners together in years to come.

The running around may be DS trying to keep himself awake.

I’ve always done tea at 5pm, go upstairs at 6pm to start general faffing, bath, playtime, pjs. Lights out at 7pm. Then even if they fanny around it’s 8-8.30pm latest when they’re asleep. But more often than not they’re asleep by 7.30. Especially when the naps get dropped. We’ve had a few times when we’ve thought DS (who’s older) should have a later bedtime but he’s then reverted back to needing more sleep again so I’m glad I’ve stuck to 7-7.30 with him (he’s now 6).

We did dinner at approx 4pm (ds seems to be starving at 4 no matter how big his afternoon snack is). The porridge with DH at 6, they share cuddled on the sofa, so cute. Bath at 6.30. then books altogether and cuddles before bed at 7pm

You need to be boring when it's bed time. Deadpan, dull, hushed.
Have a rotating stock of about 4 phrases:
No, bedtime now.
Time for sleep now etc.

Brush teeth in the bath

I'd drop the morning nap and just do one - either straight after lunch or do an early lunch for him and get yours while he's napping. Running round like an energiser bunny might be a sign of being overtired, my older toddler gets hyper through over tiredness... I'd aim for 2 hour nap in middle of day and in bed by 7pm.

I fully understand if you’d prefer not to do this, but after a month of escalating silly buggers from DD at bedtime (at about 20 mo) including chucking toys around, crying, demanding infinite drinks etc we decided to try controlled crying. So we’d do bathtime, a nice story and a cuddle then goodnights and into the cot. The first night was hell and she (we) cried for ages but by the third night she was going to sleep fine, and bedtimes are a delight now. I think it was having me or DH there that egged her on and she was forcing herself to stay awake.