To have a 3rd child or stop at 2?

[Indigo1990]

I'm not sure what I'm trying to get out of this post as I know no one can make a decision for me/us.
We have a son and daughter 4 & 5 and live in a smallish 3 bed house. Currently they have their own rooms. I thought I was finished when my daughter was born, having had previous losses in between them I felt complete. But for the last year I've been constantly going back and forth on whether I want a 3rd child. My husband being a bit older than me, if he had his way is happy with what we have, but also would probably have a 3rd if it was really what I wanted. Money is sometimes a stretch but we're happy. I have a part time job which fits around our family well and they're very family friendly. I know you'd never regret a child, but has anyone had 3 but would advise others in a similar situation to me not to? Thanks :)

My third child was the hardest by far! He was a terrible sleeper and really strong willed and determined! Love him to bits but I do sometimes think about how much easier my life would be if I'd stopped at two.

Sorry OP, that probably wasn't what you wanted to hear. But you did ask!

There has been dozens of threads on this over the years here OP.

The general consensus is don't do it

Ok then thanks haha

Honestly? There's no way I'd have three children, two is my absolute maximum. We could afford 3 and there would be room in the house for each to have their own bedroom but I just couldn't hack it. Currently pregnant with my second and wondering what I've done! But everyone's different.

I’m in your position OP, and I don’t have a clue.

I feel like an alcoholic having thinking of having that one last extra drink at the end of the night. It’s not necessary but I really want to do it just cause.

We went for 3! When my DC2 was born, I just knew I wanted another - my husband was happy with 2 but happy to try for 3rd with some reservation on practicality (car, holidays).

Sat here feeding baby no.3 and no regrets! I wanted a slightly bigger family and this feels the right number for us - was a hard decision to make but definitely the right one for us (mainly based on heart rather than head though)

Aww, go for it.

Unless you’re educating privately, there’s not a huge cost difference. The age gap isn’t huge either, and as you have one of each already, you’ll definitely be able to reuse stuff (all of the stuff if you don’t go in for gendered dressing). You’ll find a way if you want to.

I am completely biased though. I’d have loved five or more

3 are a must for us :)

Go for it :) Our 3rd baby just turned one and she has perfectly completed our family. Zero regrets!

My third is —over—due any day now. We took 2 years to decide, went over and over the pros and cons and came to the decision that we didn’t want to regret not having another. My concerns were about my mental health (previous PND) and money so it was good we took our time as our eldest 2 are both at school, I have a good job that i’m happy to go back to and I’m really excited this time around.
How old are you? I started relatively young (for our area) and so could fit another one in, despite the 6 year gap.

We’ve gone back and forth on this and decided not to. We would have gone for #3 if we could be guaranteed a healthy, relatively easy baby who would remain a healthy and relatively easy young then older child and then adult. But of course there are no guarantees, and the more time passes/the older my other children get, the more I think that in some respects the baby/pre-school years may actually be the easiest (nothing that time or cuddles or love can’t solve). We decided to be grateful for what we have and not look back.

Doesn’t mean I don’t still click on threads like this!

I wouldn’t in your situation. The other two are so close in age, and by the time the next is born they’ll be 5/6? Older? Your baby will alway be left out. They will share school, friends, everything. Baby will just be starting when they’re graduating.

If money is already a stretch then no. Holidays are made for 4. Cars are made for 4 (when you have child restraints to fit). Houses are so often made for 4. It’s so hard to keep an eye on everyone in crowded places with two adults and 3 kids.

I say this as a mother of 3. We had the discussion and decided to stop at two but got surprise twins. I adore them of course and I’m so thankful every day that extra little heartbeat showed up on the scan. At the same time I am very aware of how much easier everything would have been with just two kids, especially for their older brother. The older kids will be acutely aware of what they’re missing out on.

Oh and you might end up with twins and have four kids! Or triplets!!

Thanks for your replies. I'm 27 and had my first at 22 which is why I find it hard to say that chapter is closed. If I were late 30's with a boy and girl I know it would be easy to say in finished.
In terms of sharing rooms I don't think it's that big of a deal as baby would be in our room for months first and long term we won't be in the same house forever. All of my reasons for staying at 2 are all head thinking sensible reasons but there's just a niggle in my heart to go one more time. Money situations can change, but the regret of not giving it a go probably won't. My husband is willing but we would do it when number 2 is more independent and at Pre school, therefore a little less stressful. I'm still not 100% but as a long term plan I think I've decided one more will complete the family. Thanks for your replies.

with a boy and girl

So basically you want to try for a boy?

I didn't say that?

No, but you did say if you had a boy and a girl and you were older it would be easier to say you’re finished, which sounds like having a boy is featuring heavily in your decision making.

She has a boy and a girl already so I don't think she meant that at all.

I also have a boy and girl (6,1) and am the same age as you. I go backwards and forwards on the decision but decided to stop at two. I found the age gap extremely hard so would want to have the third asap but also want to enjoy my daughter.

Also I love giving them one to one time and was shocked how much my daughter took of that for my son. Its getting eeasier now shes getting older but shes entering the tantrum stage and honestly its full on hard work. She also never slept through the night until 15 months.

I’m, OP does have a boy and a girl

So what if she wants to try for a boy?

I have 3, but the younger 2 are closer in age. There are days where I’m driven crazy but a majority of the time they all play really nicely. I think I have a good age gap at 10, 6 and 4. The first few years are always hard with a baby but having 3 is much easier now. Holidays cater for families of 5 as do major attractions and we’ve never had a problem.

Sorry, misread the original post.

So what if she wants to try for a boy?

So nothing. Just trying to cut to the chase. So many people try again and again and again to get the sex they want. OP clearly doesn’t fall into this category so apologies to OP.

So tough OP! I'm pregnant with DC2 and already thinking "will I feel complete with 2?" DH and I always said we'd go for 3 but I suffer with hyperemesis in pregnancy and struggling to look after DC1 in my state so don't know how I'd cope with 2 DC and pregnant again.
Our situation is also slightly different in that DH is 45 and we will be sending both DC to private school from Reception so time and money are not on our side and we'd have to make a decision pretty quickly after DC2 arrives.

My neighbour is pregnant with her 4th baby and already knows she won't feel complete until she has 5!

I had twins for number three
Just saying

So basically you want to try for a boy?

What?

No, but you did say if you had a boy and a girl and you were older it would be easier to say you’re finished, which sounds like having a boy is featuring heavily in your decision making.

If she were older but had the same two that she has (a boy and a girl) it might be easier to settle for two, is what she was saying.