To have a 3rd child or stop at 2?

[Indigo1990]

I'm not sure what I'm trying to get out of this post as I know no one can make a decision for me/us.
We have a son and daughter 4 & 5 and live in a smallish 3 bed house. Currently they have their own rooms. I thought I was finished when my daughter was born, having had previous losses in between them I felt complete. But for the last year I've been constantly going back and forth on whether I want a 3rd child. My husband being a bit older than me, if he had his way is happy with what we have, but also would probably have a 3rd if it was really what I wanted. Money is sometimes a stretch but we're happy. I have a part time job which fits around our family well and they're very family friendly. I know you'd never regret a child, but has anyone had 3 but would advise others in a similar situation to me not to? Thanks :)

RTFT.

I almost went for a 3rd and decided to focus back on my career instead.

I'm so glad I did! Just about everything in life is easier with 2 and not 3 kids, I think I'd have lost my mind if I had a 3rd and I'm so glad I didn't do that to my body, my mind, my lifestyle or my existing family.

I have a friend who had a 3rd after a large-ish gap (9 years) and it's almost broken their relationship. The return to the intensity of a baby then toddler, combined with the conflicting needs of the older children has been a huge strain on them and their relationship with their DP.

I have three and love it, but, the world is geared up for families of four. Everything does get much more expensive, holidays mean two rooms, suites or villas. Cars need to be bigger, you can't take friends out when they get older etc etc

We might have 4 (2 currently and in the hideous newborn days 😳) . There won’t be holidays that need flights , it’ll be renting holiday homes at beaches in driving distance. When we buy a second car it will be big enough for a family of 5 or 6 plus at least one friend so that won’t be an issue. If we have 4 two will have to share a room nearly definitely which is a bit of a shame down the track. School fees wise you are never paying for 4 at once unless you have twins

I always knew after my second one there was one more little person missing from our family. I can't say I'd regret having a third one because I obviously love him. They love each other and all have lovely games, wrestles and cuddles together. They also fight like mad and resent each it constantly and compete over our attention that never seems to be enough. My third one made me tip over the edge with my mental health. It depending on so many things. Also on your parenting style. I'd say if you're a co-sleeping, attachment parenting type of person who likes to give lots of attentive to each child - don't do it - it'll make you feel forever guilty, depressed and like nothing you do will ever be enough. Plus you'll never have any time to yourself again.but if you're more the type of firm boundaries, kids in their own bedrooms, teaching them how to entertain themselve from an early age etc - go for it, it's lots of fun.

Tbh nobody else will be able to tell you what to do. You'll know what you want in your heart and that's probably the path you should follow. Having three is pretty hard work.

My parents had 3, I'm in the middle, I have a brother 1yr older and a sister 7yrs younger. Dsis was left out of a lots as was dm as she'd be on the sidelines watching with dsis who would be too young to join in. Lots of family days out the activity was mainly me, dB and dad. I also ended up sharing my bedroom with younger dsis which I hated. Especially as a teen, she'd need to go to bed hours before me and I had no where to call my own space. I remember being around 14/15 and trying to creep quietly to bed in the dark after dsis was already asleep to find my bed full of dolls and teddies and almost losing my shit over it.

Based on my own experience of being in the family with similar age gap I'd say either stick at 2 or go for 4.
That's my plan anyway see how I feel after two

Wheresmycustard's experience is similar to my DD3. My eldest 2 are now 17 and 18 and have a life of their own, but their 11 year old sister is still very much a child and needs me more because she doesn't have a sibling the same age. In an ideal world I would have had 4 to even it out but DD3 was a hard pregnancy and birth and I simply couldn't do it again.

I love her to bits but if I were being honnest to my younger self I would say don't do it.