When is the best time to die?

[EngiNerd]

I have a 19 month old and currently 19 weeks pregnant. If I were to die shortly after birth my children probably won't have any memories of me. Would this be the best time to die for their sake?

Never a good time, OP. Do you want to talk about anything?

Have you seen your GP or a mental health team? You need to get some support.

Enginerd best time to die is peacefully of old age so your children and grandchildren have a lifetime of memories stored about the amazing person you are.
I know it feels hard at the moment but it can and will feel better. Please talk to your midwife about how you feel, or the gp. There is help out there

I just don't know what to do anymore. My marriage just sucks and I feel totally useless. My husband complains about me all the time and love is completely gone. I can't do anything right. I've thought about death so much lately and feel so guilty for bringing another LO into this life. I know that dying isn't a solution to my problems.

I'm not going to do anything to harm myself but the thought is there nearly every day. I can't stand the thought of someone else raising my kids. I also want to watch them grow up. My DD is the biggest sweetheart and also very smart.

Perhaps marriage counseling is the best way to go to work out my issues with my husband. He's just always so angry and gets angry at the most insignificant things that I've just about reached my limit with him. I don't want my kids to grow up in a broken home or with one parent either. I just feel stuck and this thought popped into my head. Thank you all for listening.

I think you should ask your midwife or gp for help and open up about how you are feeling.

It’s better for your kids to grow up in a loving home with their Mum as a single parent, than a home with 2 parents, one of whom is always angry. Please don’t leave your children, they need you to take them away from their horrible dad.

Thank you. Those are also my thoughts exactly. I need to be around to protect them.

Best time to die? When you're 80+ and the kids have kids of their own and before you start needing too much help and support.

Sorry you're feeling this way. Can't imagine the devastation to not remember your mum. Mine died when i was a teen and not having her there to talk about boys and exams and weddings and babies sucks.

You really do. He sounds awful.

Broken homes are the ones with angry, unpleasant parents in them. Not happy, solo parent homes

Enginerd, you certainly need to speak to a professional, you have so much to look forward to in life, and are blessed with children, I hope you get the help you need, I wish you well.

Speak to your GP or midwife. the best time to die is in old age having been there for your children for as long as possible. Good luck op.

@Di11y I'm so sorry for your loss. I know I an lucky to still have my mum around. I would love to talk to her about how I am feeling now and what my home life is like but I'm so afraid to tell her. I do not want to make her sad.

for you.

If you feel the need to protect your child(ren) from your husband then I think it’s too far gone for marriage counselling. He needs to ether look at anger management or realise that life with young children is difficult & anger is a poor way to deal with the stresses and strains of family life.

It’s hard work but there is nothing wrong with growing up in a single parent family. It’s worse to grow up with an angry father.

Think how sad she'd be to find out you'd felt like this for ages and not been able to tell her.

Could you have some pre natal depression op? Please speak to someone in real life.

A young mum locally took her life a few weeks back leaving 3 children. She didn't speak to anyone about how she felt.

Those 3 children will never get over it.

Lots of hugs to you

Single parent here to tell you that a happy single parent is better for your children than an angry dad and an unhappy mum.
Children can thrive in single parent families.
Also as someone who has had suicidal thoughts in the past I'm here to say that these times will pass and you will be happy again. Your children need their mum love you.
I'm sorry to put this bluntly but it's one realisation that prevented me from acting, one of the worst things you could do to your children is to to give them a mother who killed herself.
Seek support

Please do not leave your babies to be raised by a man who makes you miserable. He isn't likely to make it any better for them.

Also, if your daughter was in this situation, then what would you want her to do?

Do you have a good relationship with your Mum? If so, please talk to her. I would be so upset to think that my DD was feeling like you are but didn’t feel able to talk to me about it.
If not your Mum, is there anyone else in RL? Sister, aunt, best friend? They could go with you to your midwife or GP if you would find that helpful.
Keep chatting on here if it helps.
💐

Broken homes are the ones with angry, unpleasant parents in them. Not happy, solo parent homes 

This. Take care OP.

OP I had ante and post natal depression and felt like this. I’d have vivid dreams of throwing myself in front of the train and how much happier my baby would be without me etc. I got help and I genuinely don’t feel this way anymore. Lots of other things continue to remain shit but I’m better equipped to handle them now. You don’t have to feel this way, please please go see your midwife and ask for help!

Once you’ve had some help you can decide what to do about DH calmly and do the best for your family. But please call your MW and get help. Hugs.

Can I first send you a great big hug. And then agree with all the PPs who advised you to speak to your GP, and also to leave your angry husband who is probably the major cause of your depressed mood and thoughts of death.

Please don’t die and leave your kids with a man like that, at any age.
Life as a single mum is tiring but very rewarding, and you would be so much happier without having to tread on eggshells round a selfish, abusive, angry partner.
I raised two kids alone as I was widowed when they were babies. It was scary and exhausting at first, but I soon learned to cope, and I now have two wonderful adult DDs and we all love each other to bits.
You can do it too, OP. Get rid of Mr Angry, not yourself. God bless.

Thank you ladies. I will try to talk to someone this week about my feelings. I'll probably start with my best friend as she's probably the easiest one to talk to about these things (besides being anonymous on the internet). She lives in Los Angeles so the time difference makes it tough but I will talk to her soon. Perhaps I can get her to coax me into talking to my mum about it too. I'm going to try to get some sleep now as I've been up all night worrying about this.

It sounds as though your DH may also need some help. Both of you may find a course of anti depressants helpful.

Oh OP I'm so sorry you're feeling like this you really should speak to your mum, look at it this way - if it was your DD, you'd want to know how she was feeling and try to help or listen, so I'm sure your Mum would want the same. I was always amazed how my mum helped me by suggesting she'd been through similar trials to me, sometimes I think we forget our mums were in our position too once.