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Original poster

my 10 dd is having sex education at school in a couple of weeks

50 replies

elasticbandstand · 25/05/2007 08:39

any websites i should go through with her..
she has never asked!
or books even

OP posts:
Original poster
elasticbandstand · 25/05/2007 09:21

waits patiently....... really must find somethgn else to do

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 25/05/2007 09:22

she has never asked? So as far as you know she might not know anything, or just what friends have told her?

doggiesayswoof · 25/05/2007 09:22

Erm.. no experience of this I'm afraid but can you ask the school what materials they will be using? They might have a 'further reading' list

and bump

ellenkpa · 25/05/2007 09:23

saw a really good book in the library, My Body, maybe visit your library and ask them what they have on the subject?

admylin · 25/05/2007 09:25

We were just told last night that our 8 year olds will be getting 'the talk' at school and they will be visiting a hospital and getting a gynocologist in to talk to the class. The teacher doesn't want to do it himself as he feels it could somehow spoil the relationship he has with the class. he said if any of us parents aren't happy about it he can't do anything about it really as it's on the curriculum.
I even think 10 is early but maybe the library woould have some books for you to go through with her, there are loads around at the moment.

misspiggy · 25/05/2007 09:31

As Ellenkpa said, the library is probably your best bet - I noticed ours has loads of v good books, all age appropriate and not too scary or "eeugh". I vividly remember thinking how gross it all sounded at 11 years old and I definitely wouldn't be doing any of that, oh no!

My DS is 11 and has never asked about anything sex related. I must check with the school when they are covering this.

Hope your DD gets on ok - I'm sure she will.

DumbledoresGirl · 25/05/2007 09:35

Oh good luck with it. My 10 year old son (Yr 6) had the lesson a few weeks ago and I have noticed quite a change in him since. He is not mature for his age and is one of the youngest in the class, and it is my opinion that he is far too young to need to know this information (I am not saying that all children this age are, but my son certainly was).

Since the talk, it is clear that

a) the standard of behaviour in the year group has gone down and there has been lots of name calling of a sexual nature

b) my son, for only the second time in his life, has been in trouble with the headteacher (again, name calling of a sexual nature, which got out of hand)

c) my son has walked around the house with a dictionary in his hand, almost constantly looking up new words that he does not understand. Of those he is prepared to tell me about, the words included gay, lesbian, homosexual, and plenty others he did not want me to know about.

I am not entirely sure if he actually now understands the mechanics of making a baby or of having sexual intercourse, or of the changes that occur in bodies during puberty, which were the aims of the lesson. I am, however, sure that it has opened up a whole new world to him of words, concepts and ways of abusing others that he was not ready for and could well do without.

fruittea · 25/05/2007 09:36

I sat down with DD before her talk at school and went over the whole thing with her. I asked her what she knew and if she wanted me to go over it with her, or whether she wanted to wait for school. SO we did the whole shebang.

In the event, school didn't go any further than periods and hormones, and I kicked myself for going further than I'd needed to. However, as soon as she got to secondary school, it was all there in the science books and they cover everything in great detail with no advance warning, so I'm glad we did it the way we did.

FrannyandZooey · 25/05/2007 09:37

I am really amazed at all these children who apparently have no knowledge of sexual reproduction

DG you are saying that they didn't know the words until they were taught them in school? Aged 10?

FrannyandZooey · 25/05/2007 09:38

DG your son didn't know what "gay" meant? Age 10? Seriously?

hercules1 · 25/05/2007 09:38

It will be puberty, wet dreams, menstruation, possibly masturbation and probably answering any questions asked honestly.

hercules1 · 25/05/2007 09:38

I'm teaching it in 2 weeks.

fruittea · 25/05/2007 09:39

Oh dear DumbledoresGirl, sounds like you're having a hard time just now. Funny enbough, I was just wondering last night how far I should go with my 9 year old DS, who is asking a lot of questions as one of his mates is going around sharing his vast (!) sexual knowledge, gleaned from his big brother. We've got lots of name calling and misunderstood words going around too. Not sure where to go with it tbh - so far have just explained one or two words, but not gone into any of the mechanics with him. It's difficult to know where to go with it.

OrmIrian · 25/05/2007 09:44

My DS seemed to pick the knowledge up by osmosis. Have to say that not having asked too much I don't know how accurate his understanding is but he knows the basics I can be fairly certain.

Not sure how his class would take to explicit sex education though.

Ladymuck · 25/05/2007 09:45

Elasticbandstand, I think that it would be reasonable for you to find out exactly what is likely to be covered in the lesson - at least that way you know what the scope is, and also what the context is (ie are they just talking about changes at puberty with a casual reference to why these changes are necessary later on, or are they talking about life choices and relationships).

At this age I would buy one or two books so that your dd has access to them. The library may help uyou to select the best books, but I think that it is helpful for children to have a relieable source of information that they can turn to at any time.

DumbledoresGirl · 25/05/2007 09:46

FandZ, I was surprised that ds1 did not know what gay meant as he has been called it a number of times over the years and I have explained it to him on those occasions.

But all I can say is, having got himself into a lot of trouble for calling a girl a lesbian (he and a friend - the friend has older siblings so I guess he taught ds1 the word) I was told by the head to "have a word with my son". In doing so, he reached for the dictionary and started looking up all sort of words but even having read the definitions, I had to explain it to him. Eg, he looked up gay, and the first definition is "light hearted, cheerful"! Being ds1, he did not bother to look to the next definition. That took him to the word "homosexual" which is defined as "feeling or involving sexual attraction to people of same sex". Now you might think that explains it clearly enough, but to a 10 year old, who has had no sexual awakening, it explains nothing. I mean, what is a 10 year old child to make of the word "sexual" even?

I know my son is immature and innocent. I said so in my first post. I know other children are not. I feel sorry for them.

At the moment, I cant see how sex ed has helped ds1 to mature.

hercules1 · 25/05/2007 10:15

It isnt there to make them mature. You should recieve a letter detailing exactly what will be taught and offering you to contact them for further info. I always direct parents to the actual QCA unit online for even more details. It shouldbe geared to the class and where they are at. THe teacher should find this out before teaching them. If questions are asked then they should be answered honestly although depending on the questions maybe not in front of the rest of the class if they're not there yet.

ASk to see their SRE (sex and relationships policy) if you want to know more. If they dont have one, they should.

Original poster
elasticbandstand · 25/05/2007 10:17

thanks, everyone for that.
they had a talk for the parents but i missed it cos i had seen it previously
they show child birth,
talk about periods, wet dreams, sex, orgasms, clitoris, just a few words that spring out to me!
my poor ds at the time thought the wet dreams were going to start immediately.

our library may be good, or if anyone knew a good one, i was going to ge a book today...

OP posts:
bigmouthstrikesagain · 25/05/2007 10:25

I was an innocent 9 yo when i used my birthday book token to buy the usborne guide to growing up and proceeded to ead juicy sections out to mum on the bus. I also helped eductae my ignorant schoolfriends,but we all remained innocent as we considered this stuff to be what grown-ups indulged in and not for us. But even as a late developer I was glad to be comfortable with the on-set of puberty a few years later, not shocked by it. I remained 'inexperienced' until I started uni (iykwim).

All I am trying to say is that knowledge of the facts of life and 'innocence' are not mutually exclusive. Children shouldn't be forced into learning things before they are ready but som 10 yo's are starting puberty so it is not too early for se ed at school in my opinion.

fairyjay · 25/05/2007 10:25

My two have been aware of the basics of sex since they were 6 or 7 - initially as the result of an honest if simple answer to one of dd's questions.

Their knowledge, understanding - and of course, interest! - has built up over the years. They are now 14 and 15.

They pick things up at school, but on the whole seem very comfortable to ask me if they don't understand anything.

It's now progressed to 'at what age would you be happy for me to sleep with my girlfriend?' sort of discussions, which is great, because we can move on to the more moral side - and consideration of others.

Original poster
elasticbandstand · 25/05/2007 10:28

you must have a good relationship with them fairjay.

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 25/05/2007 10:33

DG it is definitely better he does know the real meaning of gay rather than just hearing it as a term of abuse. I know what you mean about understanding sexuality but children of this age are capable of understanding abstract ideas even if they haven't experienced them themselves. He can look around and see the way adults behave when in love, or attracted to one another, and understand that it is part of adult sexuality.

I think clear and calm facts about sexual processes from a well-informed person are always appropriate at any age. I think schoolyard gossip and information passed down from older children can be inappropriate, can lead to some skewed attitudes and engender worries and misconceptions in children. I think the schools have to deal with this subject if parents don't. From reading this thread, evidently, parents don't!

DumbledoresGirl · 25/05/2007 10:34

My son's school held a meeting for parents which I did attend although it was nearly 2 years ago now as they did sex ed in 2 blocks: puberty changes in Yr 5 and sexual intercourse/making babies in Yr 6.

I know the course is not supposed to make my son more mature. I did not really mean that. I suppose what I mean is, that some children are simply not ready for the information at that age and I always knew my son would be one for whom that it is true.

I suppose in an ideal world, I would have withdrawn him from the lessons, but I thought that would actually stir up more trouble for him, so I did not suggest it.

FrannyandZooey · 25/05/2007 10:35

And understanding about sexual processes doesn't make them less "innocent". My ds is 4 and has always asked a lot of questions about his body and how babies grow etc, which I have tried to answer in a way he can understand. He isn't any less innocent for that fact.

Ladymuck · 25/05/2007 10:35

I haven't got to this stage with school yet, but we've recently had one or two reading books home which have resulted in more questions - whist one was concentrating on the role of a vet, it did cover topics including spaying and c/sections which of course led to further questions. As these were reading scheme books I assumed that most children would be reading them and asking similar questions?

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