my 10 dd is having sex education at school in a couple of weeks

[elasticbandstand]

any websites i should go through with her..
she has never asked!
or books even

Doesn't it depend on how the information is given though DG? I believe that a child of any age / maturity can handle all the subjects we have mentioned here, it is just the way that it is presented IMO

I agree with all you say FandZ. I have always been frank and open with my children on any topic rasied by them, but I can honestly say sexual matters have not been raised by them. Both ds1 and ds2 have spoken to me about "how young are made" but, typical of them, in a more scientific context, rather than a relationship one. ie, I am sure both can tell you that it takes an egg and a sperm (or seed in ds2's case) to make a new life, but they have not asked about how the two come together. I guess I am a bit shy about launching into a full explanation until specifically asked!

I also agree that it is better for the children to learn about these things in the classroom rather than from playgroung gossip, but it seems to me that in ds1's* case only (ie I am not tarring all children with the same brush) the proper explanation was given, went over his head, and he has been left with all the playground gossip instead.

What do you think would have worked better for your ds DG? Did he not need the explanation given (perhaps by you?) on a more simple level that he was able to understand?

I know what you mean tmmj. I am going to embarrass myself here but what the hell? When I was at school, we had sex ed in secondary school, not before, yet I was ahem "pleasuring" myself, without knowing what I was doing or why or what to, from the age of 9. I didn't need the explanation to do it. Other children would have received the explanation and not known what to make of it.

So you don't think that having an adult reassure you that what you were doing was normal, and fine, would have been a good experience for you DG? Many children grow up masturbating and feeling afraid / ashamed / guilty about it because of their misconceptions and the secrecy surrounding sexuality. These emotions are carried through into adult sexuality and affect our lifelong relationships. I think it's pretty important that our children feel comfortable and well-informed about their bodies, as with any other aspect of life.

My son is 10 too, and none of this will be mentioned in school until secondary level. At the moment, anything he has heard remains "for adults" and "what mums and dads do", and this is the way I want to keep it. I don't feel he needs to know any more yet.

FandZ, from what I could gather from ds1, the "trouble" began when the question and answer session began. Ds1 would not tell me what questions were asked, but he told me many were not answered by the teacher. I then asked him what questions were asked and not answered and said I would give him an answer, but he was not forthcoming!

However, speaking as a former teacher of this age group myself, I suspect the questions were when the words gay and lesbian were introduced (I dont remember anything of that nature being mentioned in the film when it was shown to parents) and that this led to thing sgetting out of hand since.

If ds1 had just watched the film and talked about the content of the film alone, I think that might have been better. But I am not sure about any of this because of course I am only going by the little ds1 has told me.

Although because here there are no age restrictions for actually having sex (in Ireland it's legally 16), we might get our oar in first, linking it all firmly to Christian morality.

No FandZ, I needed no reassurance. I was quite able to handle things myself (literally! ) but I take the point that others would need reassurance.

I don't think it is ok to have a question and answer session and then not answer half of the questions! What on earth?

DG I knew a man who had been picked up from his parents and at church that masturbation was a sin and that he would go to hell for it. I wish he could have been told plainly and simply at school that it was normal and healthy. He is completely unable to have a normal sex life now, that's for sure.

TMMJ do you not feel confident about your ability to teach them that? You are the best person to show them those things, by your own adult relationships and by the actions of your partner, if you have one.

I love sex-ed with my girls. Having babies when they're old enough to ask questions has helped us, really.

But I suppose we are very deliberate about giving them factual information and trying to model a healthy relationship to them. So We try and do the sex stuff in context, rather than just mechanics. I'm not really sure how schools go about it, but I am sure I don't think it can be easily done in a few hour long classes.

F&Z, I am not sure what the questions were about, but I am sorry to say I can imagine that some children could ask some pretty hairy questions of a teacher. This is, IMO, where the se ed falls flat in many schools. I am not sure that teachers are always the best person to talk about such matters.

I am sorry for your male friend. TMMJ was right when she said earlier that children don't assume what they are doing is wrong until someone tells them it is so. I was a case in point. I had no idea what I was doing, just that I enjoyed doing it. It was only when I learnt about religious and historical moral attitudes to masturbation that I had any qualms. I did go through a phase of being influenced by this religious attitude, but thankfully, I am strong-minded enough to come through this. It is terribly sad that anyone's sex life should suffer as a result of mis-information. Bt here we come back to the beginning: are teachers best able to provide the right information?

DG the way they tackled this at my school was to have all questions posed anonymously by writing them down in advance and putting them in a box

I know for a fact some dodgy ones were handed in but the teacher was able to just ignore them I suppose. I wouldn't have an open Q + A session and then choose not to answer all the questions.

however I think you may be right about the teacher not doing the job very well - I think the job should mostly be with parents personally, but can see that the schools have to do something because otherwise girls start their periods not knowing anything about it, children reach puberty in complete ignorance and it is frightening for them.

I had sex-ed at school and when I had my first period I thought I'd pooed myself. Hindsight tells me it wasn't the best sex-ed. When I finally went to my mum, she explained everything.

I think it's fact that some kids just aren't ready to take it in, and some kids are.

The 2 books we have got are from Usborne and called 'What's happening to me' - there's one for girls and one for boys (I got both and dd read both though each book covers both sexes, I imagine ds will do the same when he's interested!). They are on special at the Book People at the moment.

I thought they were very good. Presented the facts in a neutral way - but also chapters on feelings, healthy eating, sweating etc.

thanks fox.
off shopping now

actually, just looked on the book people and can't see it there any more grrr (maybe it is, I'm not great at searching!) but it is on Amazon.

I was trying to think if it might be a bit young for a 10 year old (the words certainly won't be) but I think if she's coming from the position of not knowing that much, it's a great starter book.

what's happening to me - girls' version

It's not called sex ed anymore. The actual sex bit is a very small part of what is taught. It's currently called SRE (sex and relationships) although this is due to change again to put the relationships bit first.

Schools should have a SRE policy which states howquestions etc will be handled. It is very importnat who teaches it as bad teaching in this area can cause more problems.

I dont teach about intercourse to childrne until they are ready which in my school is around KS3. I always stress to parents that what I do is done in a miniscule time frame and that the expectation is these issues will be discussed at home how the parents see fit and the huge majority of learning will happen at home.

All 3 of my girls did sex education in year 6.Parents were given the opptunity to come in before this happened to see what they were going to be taught and we could opt the children out if we wanted to.
I didn't sit them dowm formally and go over anything first, but I'd already answered any questions they had asked me.