Age to allow DC to choose when to turn out bedlight at bedtime

[Borris]

I'm starting to dread bedtime with dd age 7.5. She gets ready and goes up fine. We have a story but then for the next 30-60 mins she moans that she's not tired and can't sleep. It often ends up with me sat outside her room.

She's desperate to be allowed to read to herself but I'm not convinced she'd be responsible enough to turn off her light when tired as she's an avid reader and gets lost in the book.

What age did you start allowing your DC to choose what time they turned their lights out?

My ds aged 12 still has his light on. He reads in bed until he falls asleep. If he's still awake reading when he should be asleep I take the book away but I don't turn off the light.

It is a lamp though, not the overhead light.

My eldest is 13 and still has a lights out time. She does lots and gets tired but finds it hard to stop at the end of the day without a little parental input.

My 7.5 DD Reads to herself after we have finished story. She is also an avid reader. I set my alarm for 45 mins after I leave her and then go and tuck her in, lights out etc. She doesn’t need as much sleep as her 4 year old sister anymore, so this works for us.

I let dd1 who is just 7 read to herself but only til a certain time, usually 8:30 but depends how tired she is/evening has gone. Then she needs to switch light off & put her CD on. I also go back and check on her. Sometimes she "forgets" & then we work on a basis of 3 strikes & out I.e not allowed to read independently for 1 night.
Some nights she's put the book down after 5 mins and gone straight to sleep.
Could you use the summer holidays to start the process??

Mine is 5. She does the same moaning about not being tired. We have a 3 month old (who I am putting to bed, dh does bedtime with her now) and then dh has some admin work to do in evenings, so neither of us have time to sit with her forever. Our rule is she can do whatever she wants in her room as long as she’s quiet, no shouting for us, no stomping around, nothing noisy. She claims to get up and play, look at books, etc and then turns off the light and gets in bed when she’s ready. It works fine and she does it without any hassle with us, so I’d let her try it. As long as she’s no using a phone/tablet/etc and as long as she turns the light off and goes to sleep, it sounds fine.

Mine had kitchen timers and we would give them however many minutes and then they switched their lights off.

Now they have Lumie alarm clocks so they dim as a part of the alarm setting so they read until they can’t anymore.

No access to tablet or phone so that’s ok. It would be reading but I’m just concerned she might still be reading at 10pm

The kitchen timer or lumea lights sound worth looking into.

And I like the summer holidays idea too. And the 3 strikes and then lose the privilege could help.

Thanks

My dc self-regulated from about 7, I didn't mind what time they turned out the lights but there would be consequences for whinging/whining/nonsense the next morning - no consequences were ever handed out.

encourage the reading, trust your kid, she might be a late night reader, there are worst hobbies. walk past the room 30 mins after and turn the light off. any age. Stop controlling so much. Jeez.

You sound too controlling. And why is your child awake? Wy are you sitting outside their room creating a scene of worry and angst. Just let her read her book, she will either love her book and stay up or go to sleep. Never fight readers. Embrace it. Of all the hobbies and things to control. Why not introduce more exercise and less sugar and make bed routine into something luxurious, comfortable. It was advertised to me as upstairs prison, all alone and everyone was downstairs enjoying......

What time is she going to bed? I let my 7 year old read to herself for 5 mins around 8pm once we have read to each other.

I’ve just started letting my DS read to himself and decide when to turn out the light, he’s 8.5.

I still go up and turn the light off for my 2 dds and they are 14 and 15!
Its lights off at 10, phones left downstairs on charge for the next day. I tell them to go to bed!

She's desperate to be allowed to read to herself but I'm not convinced she'd be responsible enough to turn off her light when tired

I'm not sure why it's all or nothing? Why can't she be allowed to read for a while to herself (brilliant skill, and fabulous for her imagination and literacy), and then you go up again after the agreed time to turn out the light? You say that you often end up sat outside her room, so why not enable her love of reading during that time, while you do something more enjoyable than sitting outside her room listening to her saying she's not tired, and go back after half an hour to turn off the lights?

Oh gosh. I've never meant to be really controlling . Just protective I suppose as in the past ( although at least 6-9mo ago, can't really remember) I found her still reading at 11pm and she was exhausted the next day.

She gets into bed at 8pm and usually our bedtime story chapter finishes 8.15ish and then I've been doing lights out as she needs to be up for school at 7.30 the next morning.

Maybe I should try leaving her for 30 mins and then popping back up. The sitting outside is at her request as she's worried in her bedroom (fairly new house) although I think there's some stalling tactics. I suspect if she was reading I wouldn't need to be sitting ....

Just go back up half an hour later and tell her it's time to switch the light off

You don't need to make it any more complicated than that.

My 9yo has a lights out time. I think there was a point he struggled to go to sleep and at that time I did in theory let him read until he was tired, but if I felt it was getting late then I'd go in and say it's time to stop now and he was OK with that - that may have been around 7, I can't remember now.

dc read after bedtime story.
after 30 min or so we say 'lights off, go to sleep' if not they would just keep reading/pottering.

I leave my 5 year old to entertain herself in her room as she says she's not tired at 7:30pm. I hear her and her 3 y o brother playing... if it gets to 8:15pm I will go and encourage them to get in bed.

They both get up naturally between 5:30-6am and don't nap. Lord knows where they get their energy from!!

Let her have her light. My kids learned to self regulate their lamps from toddlerhood because I'm not having that battle. It's my role to put them to bed in a place conducive to sleep. I can't knock them unconscious.

When DDs started reading to themselves at bedtime we started just calling up at lights out time.

Can you get her into bed 15 mins earlier? So read together til 8 then let her have 30 minutes to read on her own. So not much later overall but she'll feel she has greater autonomy

You can still police the time the light goes out - as PP said it doesn't need to be all or nothing. And she may relax more and fall asleep more quickly if she has 30 mins wind down on her own

Good advice thanks. Will start with a 30 minutes free read on her own and see how that works

Could you put her to bed half an hour earlier, let her read for half an hour and then tell her to put the light out. I do that with DD 10, but I give her 50 minutes.