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Parenting

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Original poster

Okay, serious questions for parents who do not smack their children...

42 replies

ELF1981 · 21/05/2007 20:29

I dont want to start a riot, I'm asking a serious question.
I dont want to smack my daughter when she is older, nor does my husband, but at the moment we tap her on the hand when she is constantly touching things.
For example, if she is sticking her fingers in the sockets etc and I tell her to stop, then remove her from the area, and she still does it, we'll tap her hand.
So, although you dont smack your children now, did you tap them on the hand? Is that a terrible thing to do? And what should I do instead?
She's 19 months old btw

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chocolatekimmy · 21/05/2007 21:09

I can't see the point of the tap on the hand - what is it meant to achieve?

Surely just removing her from the danger is all that is necessary.

Original poster

ELF1981 · 21/05/2007 21:14

Its not like we smack her hand as soon as she does anything wrong! I'm talking about a tap on the hand when she continues to go back to what she was doing AFTER being told no and taken away.

OP posts:

TheArmadillo · 21/05/2007 21:15

I don't smack my ds (and I would be if anyone else did).

I follow three rules for discipline.
Ignore (obviously not for playing with sockets etc but for tantrums)
Distract
Remove.

We do use the naughty step but only as an extreme punishment when everything else has failed (so usually once every couple of months).

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TheArmadillo · 21/05/2007 21:17

also now ds is a bit older (2.7) we not only say 'no' but give him a simple explanation that he can understand if appropriate.

If he repeatedly goes back to something we repeatedly remove him/distract him.

frances5 · 21/05/2007 21:17

Lets be honest, a tap is a smack. It you smack your child any harder than a tap then you are breaking the law. I have tapped/ smacked my child on a few occassions. He was a lot older than 19 months though.

I don't think that tapping/ smacking is a terrible thing to do, but its is ineffective. At 19 months child proofing the house is more effective.

For example plug covers stop little fingers. Tying up cuppboards, the use of stairgate to limit access your child has to particular areas of the house. For example I used to a stairgate across my kitchen door.

Children of this age are desperate to explore. Its up to parents to give their children something safe to explore. For example my son had his own special cupboard that he was allowed to go into.

noddyholder · 21/05/2007 21:18

Just lift her out of the way and tell her why She may be too young atm to 'get'it but it will sink in eventually

WK007 · 21/05/2007 21:20

I personally don't tap and don't smack - think in the end it's counter productive. I will hold dd's shoulders firmly but gently to move her away from something dangerous or something she shouldn't be near. Other than that I use a mix of different things depending on which seems most sensible at the time, usually getting to her level and 'telling her off' or distracting her with something else (going in the garden is her fave atm).

With a 19mo, think distraction is the major thing because they won't always understand they're doing something wrong. At that age I found if I could distract dd for 10 mins or more she'd forget the thing she was doing before and so forget to do it again.

aardfark · 21/05/2007 21:22

I can sympathise with the OP. I have an unbabyproofable very old (as in listed old) house and it's v. hard to stop little fingers getting where they shouldn't. I end up yelling 'no' and DD just laughs at me (she's 7 months). I remove her from the situation and try and distract her but it's oh so very easy to reflexively tap a hand that is poking you in the eye or emptying the dirty real nappy bucket on her head.

So far I'm fought it and I'll try to continue. Agree it's a BAD THING but I can understand why people do.

I also hate shouting at DD and now and then I do that. I'm probably a terrible mum in lots of your eyes, but actually sometimes when you haven't slept more than seven hours in three days, you get a bit tetchy.

Original poster

ELF1981 · 21/05/2007 21:29

Not sure if I am reading into some posts right, but for those who are, dont judge me please. I'm asking for advice, not a lecture.

Yep, can sympathise on the un-baby-proofable house. We have an open plan stair case so cannot get a stair gate on it so often end up frustrated there!

OP posts:

frances5 · 21/05/2007 21:30

What about this

www.kiddicare.com/invt/ppnbbdslv

It looks pretty flexible. I am not a great fan of play pens, but this one looks pretty verstile. You could put all your precious stuff inside the play pen.

hellish · 21/05/2007 21:40

agree aardvark, i don't like shouting at my ds's but there are times when i sound like a fishwife

macmama73 · 21/05/2007 21:50

We have one of the Baby Dan playpen/stairgate things. I would have been lost without it. We also have an open plan staircase and nothing else fit. I have only just taken it down recently as DS is now 2.5. Even when he was able to go up and down stairs safely I left it on as it stopped him getting into other rooms.

I now have locks on all the doors and we are careful to lock up and put the key on a hook, high up where he can't get at it. That keeps him out of our office and stops him sending faxes to Australia.

Chirpygirl · 21/05/2007 22:37

I agree with the babyden playpen, Half of my room is locked off behind one. It is actually a playpen and 2 extra sections so I know I can leave DD running around and she can't get to the pc, fireplace or birdcages.

eemie · 21/05/2007 22:54

Agree with babyproofing as much as possible. That way it's not necessary to say 'no' all the time, so when you do say it (firmly, with cross face and voice) it has more impact.

Would not explain at this age - she won't take it in and it's just giving more attention to the unwanted behaviour.

Instead, remove and distract her as soon as you've said no.

Minor naughtiness, like switching off the sockets, can just be ignored can't it? Doesn't sound dangerous. (and gives you an excuse to stop hoovering)

becaroo · 22/05/2007 13:01

The problem you will have if you persist in tapping/smacking whatever is that when your dd is older she will smack you back.....and then what do you do?

My sister has got this problem with my nephew now and it is really becoming a problem.

He misbehaves (as all children do sometimes) and she smacks him. He hits her back....what can she say?

"dont hit!"
"You just hit me mummy!"

If the child is not doing anything dangerous/harmful then ignoring irritating behaviour is a powerful tool....they will soon get bored when you dont react.

Time out can work really well for older children too, although with my ds (who is nearly 4) we take favourite toys/dvds/books away if he is really naughty. VERY effective

allgonebellyup · 22/05/2007 20:23

The OP did NOT want a lecture on whether smacking is right or wrong!!!!!!!!!!!

Original poster

ELF1981 · 22/05/2007 22:22

have not posted today because reading between the lines on some of the postings made me feel like I was belting her on an hourly basis not literally a tiny tap on the hand (which has never made her cry) on a handful of times.
Anyway, will be following the advice, thank you for it

OP posts:

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