Okay, serious questions for parents who do not smack their children...

[ELF1981]

I dont want to start a riot, I'm asking a serious question.
I dont want to smack my daughter when she is older, nor does my husband, but at the moment we tap her on the hand when she is constantly touching things.
For example, if she is sticking her fingers in the sockets etc and I tell her to stop, then remove her from the area, and she still does it, we'll tap her hand.
So, although you dont smack your children now, did you tap them on the hand? Is that a terrible thing to do? And what should I do instead?
She's 19 months old btw

Get plastic socket cover thingies. Pick her up and physically remove her from anything dangerous you can't safety proof.

In that situation I wouldn't tap her hand, I would just remove her from the situation and try to distract her with something else

the sockets was just an example, we have most sockets covered, but then she'll flick the electric on and off on them (cheeky monkey)
Its not often that she gets a tap on the hand, deffo do not want to ever smack her on the leg/bumb

I never did 'tapping on the hand'. It makes no sense for a 19 month old. Think of it this way - at this age they are programmed not to be deterred by setbacks. However else would they learn to walk after the first time they fell and hurt themselves? Or couldn't make a word or sentence come out understandably? They MUST keep trying in the face of opposition. Hand taps aer that opposition. As well as being the same principle of smacking.

So, until she is old enough to understand explanations for things, do exactly a Scummy says.

same as Tatties but if what she's done is serious (eg hurting baby brother) we get her attention (eg hold her in front of us at eye level) and say in a serious voice what she's done wrong and why she mustn't do it. (she's 23 months). I'm sure she doesn't understand most of what we are saying but she picks up the seriousness.

Just firmly say no and remove her

DD is 5yo and I have never smacked her, not even a tap.

In situations like you describe I simply lifted her out of the way and said no, don't touch, etc.

A 19mo won't remember, even after a tap on the hand. Removal and distraction is the best option IMO.

I think, once she gets to an age where you can communicate what you do or dont want her to do, and she can communicate back easily, then it wont be an issue.

Here is how I look at it:
If you tap her on the hand what does it achieve? In order to be a deterrent it would have to cause pain, and personally I don't want to do that. If it doesn't cause pain it is just a game to them. I think it is more effective to remove them from the situation when they are too young to understand, and when they get older, to show them mummy and daddy are cross.

But I speak as one who has only a 13 month old! So I am sure my halo will slip later on . My parents raised us without smacking though, and that was how they did it.

Do 'distract and remove' for every situation. But start praising 'good' behaviour all the time. And encouraging her to follow instructions and then praise like mad: 'can you put teddy in the pram? - demonstrate - 'good girl'.

Nope, I don't tap, I remove the child from its source of malevolent fun with a big NO. Then hastily find something more interesting for them to play with.
My DS (28m) is very challenging and I've been close but not done it - he usually bangs himself anyway whilst being wrestled away from the scene of crime and that tends to break the tension somewhat. We have a stairgate across the kitchen so I use that as an exclusion boundary - 'if you can't play nicely in here etc', just for a couple of minutes. Could be either side of the gate, depending what he's up to.
There are always other ways than smacking, smacking comes from the grown-up's lack of either imagination or self-control.

No.. i never tapped.
yes..you just need to say No loudly and move her out of harms way.

Oh, except when I was three I hit my baby sister on the fontanelle and my mum shrieked and smacked me (the only time she ever did). I asked "but if you can smack me, why can't I smack her?" My mother said it was like a cold shower and she retold this anecdote forever as an example of why smacking doesn't work.

I agree with you Elf - i didn't ever want to smack my ds and never have (now 7 &4) The idea of smacking to try and teach a lesson just doesn't make sense to me. IMO all it teaches it that hitting out and hurting someone is a way to make them stop doing something you don't like.

I would pick her up and move her away every time she touches something you don't want her to. (it is hard work and you have to be quick on your feet )

I would also try to make everything as babyproof as possible, not because I want my house to look like a soft play area but because it makes your life easier and can cut down the number of things you have to battle your toddler about.

It won't be like this forever though - i remember being so happy when I could finally put the toilet brush on the floor again without dd using it as a microphone (lollipop?)

I never tapped their hand's and we don't smack. Dd is 5.3, ds1 3.7 and ds2 18 weeks. At 19 months they don't understand and I would just remove them from the situation and distract instead of tapping.

I had a go at my mum when she started doing this to dd who was about the same age. We're against smacking and any sort of physical 'violence' (very mild here I agree), as it sends out the wrong message. I would just say NO firmly and distract her.

No, I don't tap him on the hand

just keep saying "no" and removing from the danger and trying to make your house more safe in the first place, eg socket covers

oh have skimmed thread and see that is what everyone else says

I've also had to make it clear to my mum not to do it because I know my kids don't need to be smacked.

lol about the toilet brush.

Its not like she gets a tap every day or anything, I think I can count the amount of times we have done it, and it's been things like flicking the electric on and off, sitting behind me and yanking of my hair (which I am sure she found greatly amusing!).

But we said we'd never smack so dont want to start the slipperly slope!

We praise all good behaviour and she is very good usually, she'll pack her toys away and we'll praise her etc.

We have a stair gate between the kitchen and living room but she can get through it (regular houdini) and we haven't baby proofed in full 'cause we're in the middle of selling the house.

Will try all advice. Thanks

If you tap her you are just telling her its ok to hit

I was smacked a lot as a kid. I think in the 80's it was a regular thing. DH was never smacked.

I don't tap. Agree with all the other posters saying remove and distract etc.
Tappping is just a milder form of smacking which you (rightly imo) don't want to do.

I was smacked as a child, and DH was too, but this is thje reason I won't smack DD.
I also remove and say no, firmly. She has started to get wilful and goes straight back over to whatever she was trying to kill herself with so I have on a couple of occasions snatched her hand away, and I felt that was too rough.
Remove and no, that's all they need at this age.

No never tapped either. DD is a real monley and I am verbally very firm with her. Also distraction. I am sure she will grow up to think we live ina Zoo as I am constanly saying things like 'Where is the elephant' she gets distracted and then we have a long conversation about lions and zebras and all manner of exotic creatures. She is 2.