Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Anyone else's DH get stared at or just plain ignored when he goes to toddler group?

46 replies

AttillaTheHan · 21/05/2007 11:03

My Dh recently started working flexible hours which means he gets a day off a fortnight to spend with our ds. This is fab and he was really looking forward to doing lots of activities with him but after going to a couple of local groups he is totally pissed off at the way he is treated 'like a leper' by all the mums.

its not like he's an odd looking bloke or unfriendly himself.

It makes me mad. whay are some mums so unfriendly? It is because they are suspicious of a bloke being there?

aaaaaaaaaggh!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

colditz · 21/05/2007 11:04

Maybe they're scared of being seen to flirt with him, you know how gossipy Tgs can be!

Original poster

AttillaTheHan · 21/05/2007 11:07

True but I find it so sad that some women can be so shallow. It might just be me but if I see a bloke at a toddler group I make a point of smiling and saying hi.

come to think of it maybe everyone else then thinks i'm flriting!! ha ha

It does bother me though, especially now as dh is refusing to go (or makes up convenient excuses why he can't go) bottom line is our son is missing out on socialising.

OP posts:

smallwhitecat · 21/05/2007 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Original poster

AttillaTheHan · 21/05/2007 11:14

small white cat - does your dh go to anything now with your child?
You all have my sympathies...

OP posts:

aardfark · 21/05/2007 11:17

I run a group and men get loads of attention because of the novelty value but I've been to some where women attempt to drum DH out by discussing cervical mucous for hours.

I encourage him to ask 'how do you...' questions though, so the alpha mums adopt him as 'clueless guy who must be looked after'

Original poster

AttillaTheHan · 21/05/2007 11:20

Good Idea aardfark. Only problem is I'm not sure any of mums actually spoke to dh for him to be able to ask questions! He eventually got fed up with smiling at people and saying lame hellos.

I'll suggest it though

OP posts:

bohemianbint · 21/05/2007 11:25

hmmmm....my fella is at one as we speak, he should be home any minute. Will be interesting to see if anyone spoke to him. Although I would have thought they'd be alright, it's a small group and everyone's lovely. I'll keep you posted.

Original poster

AttillaTheHan · 21/05/2007 11:27

keep us posted bohemianbint - its helpful to get other peoples views and experiences.

OP posts:

honeybrown · 21/05/2007 11:31

Just to add a different perspective.... My ds knows very few little boys of his own age so I approached the dad of a little boy who ds seemed to have taken a shine to at our local toddler group and asked if he and his dfs might like to meet up some time. I even added that my dh could be around and they could compare notes on childrearing. The poor bloke was mortified - you'd have thought I was asking him out on a hot date the way he reacted. No playdayes ever happened and now we mutter an embarrassed hello and carry on . I was just trying to make an effort for ds ...

barbamama · 21/05/2007 11:35

There are 2/3 dads that come to one I go to plus the odd grandfather and I can't say I've noticed any of them being treated any differently. We are a group of 8 parents from the same NCT group who go together and one is a stay at home dad so he is obviously totally part of our sub group anyway and certainly doesn't get treated any differently - maybe we just haven't noticed as we knew him already. I'm surprised people are experiencing this - I really wouldn't have thought it was that unusual these days.

Original poster

AttillaTheHan · 21/05/2007 11:36

Maybe he was shocked that someone actually spoke to him!!

Good point though. Actually we had a similar experience, our ds got a party invite. My dh phoned up to confirm that our ds would be going. childs dad answered, my dh starts to make polite conversation, childs dad promptly uts the phone down and shouts his wife! then spent all party ignoring us!!
There's nowt so queer as folk...

OP posts:

Original poster

AttillaTheHan · 21/05/2007 11:38

sorry cross posted barbamama.

I'm glad its not all doom and gloom. I was surprised that this was the case - thats why I posted.
Its such a shame that it happens because ultimately its the kids who miss out.

OP posts:

smallwhitecat · 21/05/2007 11:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

AttillaTheHan · 21/05/2007 11:42

Its such a shame though because we all know how isolating being a parent can be.

My dh works for a childrens charity and is trying to set up dads groups (not exclusively for dads but targetting them) in the north west. he's finding it really difficult because there don't seem to be many dads that want to do it - maybe because of toddler group experiences and the fact that parenting groups seem to be mainly for women...

OP posts:

smallwhitecat · 21/05/2007 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ProfYaffle · 21/05/2007 11:50

My dh has taken dd1 to a few of her classes and gets the 'novelty man' reaction. He apparently gets accosted by women saying 'ooh, you wouldn't get my dh coming here!' thinking he's wonder Dad etc.

Original poster

AttillaTheHan · 21/05/2007 11:53

my dh would love that! he'd bask in all the attention!!

thats probably why he's so miffed at being ignored...

OP posts:

littlerach · 21/05/2007 11:54

We have a couple of dads coming to the group I run, and they're great. If the convo turms to really girly things they eother take the piss or subtly wander off. And they always help clear up at the end.

barbamama · 21/05/2007 12:00

yes! they are by far the best at putting the toys away! More dads at toddler groups I say!

Oh I forgot to say that at the one we go to, if the dads are ever off work or on paternity leave they come along as well so there are always plenty of men around. Tell him to persevere!

barbamama · 21/05/2007 12:00

or change group?

dinosaur · 21/05/2007 12:01

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster

AttillaTheHan · 21/05/2007 12:03

I think i'll show dh this thread. Its given me renewed hope on his behalf so hopefully he'll give it another go.

OP posts:

aDad · 21/05/2007 12:09

Attila -I can understand your dh's POV, but he should remember he is only going one day every other week, so it's not all that surprising it would take a bit of time before he felt included, and people warmed to him. This would be the case whether he was a man or a woman.

But obvioulsy some groups are friendlier than others - i dont know if there is lots of choice where you live but maybe he should just try another group?

PregnantGrrrl · 21/05/2007 12:11

i think they'd eat my DP alive round here- they'd be all over him like a rash. Best keep him indoors i reckon...

UnquietDad · 21/05/2007 12:15

The couple of times I did toddler group I was made to feel quite welcome, but then two of DW's friends were there - and I was told I made more effort than other dads who had been and just "hid behind the paper"!

Flip

1 2