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Original poster

Biting I don't think it's ok do you?

34 replies

Jzee · 10/08/2004 15:38

Another baby of around 1yr old bit my baby who's about the same age on his finger really hard today. The mother whome I vaguely know, was sitting close by and when I told her that her child had bitten mine she replied' oh, she's doing that alot lately- she's teething'. She didn't apologise or tell her child off, but merely shrugged her shoulders as if it was an acceptable thing to do! I don't allow my child to bite me or anyone else and can't believe other people think it's ok? Do you think it's acceptable? What should I do if it happens again? Tell the mother or the child it's not ok or just walk away?

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Fio2 · 10/08/2004 15:39

I think its most probably because a teething babyt does not bite another child with malice iykwim because they have no concept

CountessDracula · 10/08/2004 15:40

Err, what are you going to do about it? I'm sure she's tried to stop it but how do you stop a 1 yo biting? My dd was bitten at a similar age and I didn't worry about it, figured my time would come (and it has, she bit ME last week little minx and she's nearly 2, definitely not acceptable at that age!)

hercules · 10/08/2004 15:41

Not sure what you can do with a one year old after the event. If the mother say the child do it then should take child away, say no and a mini explanation.
My dd is 10 months and wouldnt have a clue about it being wrong or understand any telling off especially after.
No, it's not okay but it wasnt a vindictive act.

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hercules · 10/08/2004 15:42

DD pinches us regularily, we either say no gently or completely ignore it. No point doing anything else. Maybe thats what the mother is doing ie ignoring it.

Original poster
Jzee · 10/08/2004 15:47

Countess Dracula: If you read my message you'll find that 'I'm goin on about' biting!

OP posts:
Blu · 10/08/2004 15:50

It is very upsettting when your little one gets bitten, but I agree that 1 yr olds have no concept of right, wrong, or any capacity to understand that someone else feels pain - hence CD's question, Jzee, (which I think you may have misread). Constant vigilance is the only answer - and perhaps picking up babies and putting them away from you if they bite you or someone else.

Angeliz · 10/08/2004 15:54

I agree it's wrong and i think the child should be told no, (gently as obviously is very young), however, i don't think that it would be worth it AFTER the fact with such a young baby as they wouldn't have a clue what was going on!
Mum should have apologised though!

Original poster
Jzee · 10/08/2004 15:55

Of course I'm aware babies of this age don't understand the difference between right and wrong and I'm not saying my baby wouldn't do the same. I'm just surprised that the mother thought it was ok?

OP posts:
Twinkie · 10/08/2004 15:55

Its normal at that age IMHO - they do not understand that biting someone causes pain - they even bite you sometimes when they give you a hug cause they are so overwhelmed with emotion and can't understand how to show it.

God wait until he is at nursery and about 3 and some little shit with a mouthful of teeth takes a chunk out of him - it happens and you get cross but at the end of the day IT HAPPENS!!

Blu · 10/08/2004 15:56

Yeah - I think Mums usually make a great scramble to apologise, rather than ignore it.

hercules · 10/08/2004 15:56

I would think it was okay. I would apologise to the mum though.

Original poster
Jzee · 10/08/2004 15:58

Blu; that's what I would have done and I'm glad there are a few people out there that are thinking along my lines.

OP posts:
hercules · 10/08/2004 16:00

What did you want her to do? Of course she should of apologised but what else?

Original poster
Jzee · 10/08/2004 16:06

An apology would have been fine -even if she didn't mean it!

OP posts:
Twinkie · 10/08/2004 16:07

I think an apology if not meant is worse than none at all but lets not let this thread turn into war eh!!

CountessDracula · 10/08/2004 16:09

Oh yes of course she should have apologised, that's just good manners. Does she normally have poor manners?

In our house of course it is de rigeur

Original poster
Jzee · 10/08/2004 16:09

Your joking! I don't take mailing on here as seriously as some obviously do!

OP posts:
Blu · 10/08/2004 16:14

When DS was that age (not long ago), I always thought the apologies were a bit unnecessary, because we all knew that the kids didn't understand / mean it etc - but that as Mums are obviously upset if their baby gets bitten, an apology shows that you sympathise.

hercules · 10/08/2004 16:15

That's true. I guess if your're not actually sorry maybe apologising is pointless. I would apologise but tbh I wouldnt actually be sorry as such.
If my child were older I'd be sorry and do something more but at this age it's normal behaviour.

hercules · 10/08/2004 16:17

I'd find it strange if the mother of the child who my child had bit walked away or said something more to me.

hercules · 10/08/2004 16:18

Mind you dd is far more physical than ds was. I'd have probably been shocked had ds been bitten as he never did that but as dd is more into pinching etc it becomes more water off a ducks back.

fisil · 10/08/2004 16:21

When ds bit a good friend's dd I was beside myself with apologies even though we both agreed that it could very well have been either of them, no malice, no understanding etc. etc. But I have to confess that I can be very shy and might have found it harder to apologise to someone I knew less well. I guess especially so if I was distracted by all the noise of mums & toddlers all around me and hadn't slept particularly well for a while because my baby was teething. I'm not trying to make excuses for that woman, just a bit worried that I know I could sometimes be a bit like that when I actually meant the complete opposite.

daisy1999 · 10/08/2004 16:28

Must admit if my child had bitten another I would have been embarrassed and apologised to the parent, checked the bitten child was ok, and as long as it wasn't too long afterwards I would have told my child (even at 1 yr) "no".

twogorgeousboys · 10/08/2004 16:38

Jzee, if my approx 1 year old ds2 had bitten your baby, here's what I would have done:

Apologised to you and said, something along the lines of,"he's a bit overenthusiastic about exploring with his teeth at the moment".

I then would have said to ds2 "no, that hurts", in a firm, but gentle and not aggressive or raised voice IYKWIM, then refocused him on to doing something else.

I'd do this because, generally ds1 (age 3) would also be around, and although he sort of gets the "look he's a baby, he doesn't understand" business, as a 3 year old, that concept feels very unfair, so its important for him to see that I don't think biting is ok (even if ds2 hasn't really understood what he's done).

Hope this makes sense!

freddysays · 10/08/2004 17:06

Glad to see this post as this has been bugging me. My wee boy is 9 months and I know he is teething he has 6 already! he is very brave but is driven to distraction he bites anything he comes into contact with. This has included me and I caught him once biting a smaller baby. I did apologise tot he mum and told him off instantly, and although he is very bright and sweet natured he doesnt get it. I even resorted to gently biting him back straight after he nipped me, this ofcourse produced many tears but no results, i felt awful. He has recenlty started crawling, climbing and gerneally rampaging, so i feel like I am always saying no or removing him from the things he wants to do, its a really trying time, any advice?