Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Gender Disappointment

29 replies

LunaSeraphina · 15/05/2018 01:44

Hey everyone, I'm not a mum but my sister has just told me that she's 14 weeks pregnant and at her 12 week scan, the ultrasound technician said that he was 60% sure that my sister was having a boy. I'm just wondering how accurate this might be as she doesn't seem to happy with that news. Thanks!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

mump0ints · 15/05/2018 01:54

Thread here about early news

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/2091842-They-told-me-the-gender-at-my-12-week-scan

CocoLoco87 · 15/05/2018 01:55

Not very accurate. My midwife told me at DC2 scan that till around 16 weeks (or even longer) girls can appear a bit swollen down there. It is too soon to tell 100%

SnowGoArea · 15/05/2018 03:26

60% really isn't that far off 50:50, and it seems a rather arbitrary percentage to have landed on anyway!

Just wait and see what they say at the next scan (and bear in mind it is predominantly an anomaly scan to check the baby is healthy, which is obviously way more important).

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old 2nd trimester 3-6 months old Babies & sleep

FairfaxAikman · 15/05/2018 05:21

We were told the wrong sex at 20 weeks. Sonographer was 70% sure.
I was disappointed only in the sense that I had had a strong belief it was a boy and didn't like being "wrong".
Turns out my instinct was correct.

ShackUp · 15/05/2018 11:06

Disappointed why?

Mrsfrumble · 15/05/2018 11:09

I think that her being "disappointed" by the prospect of having a boy is far more an issue than whether the sonographer was right.

Can you talk to her about why?

BakedBeans47 · 15/05/2018 11:11

Ultimately it doesn’t matter how accurate the scan is, it doesn’t change the sex of the baby she’s having

LeapToad · 15/05/2018 11:13

Basically a complete guess at that stage, you can't accurately tell on a scan until around 16 weeks.
If it is a boy I'm sure she'll be fine once he's here.

JoanFrenulum · 15/05/2018 11:15

Ha. My sonographer was 100% sure, at 12 weeks, that we were having a boy. Baby girl it is.

Honestly I felt a bit disappointed as well at this boy idea because I'm from several generations of daughters. I got used to the idea pretty fast. (Then had to change back at the 20 week scan.) It was basically just feelings about wanting to deal with what I'm used to, ie girls.

BrutusMcDogface · 15/05/2018 11:16

If she desperately wants to know, she can have a private sexing scan at 16 weeks. I really don't think you can accurately tell by scans at 12 weeks.

LeapToad · 15/05/2018 11:18

FWIW I don't think its uncommon for people to have a slight preference before the baby arrives. My DP really wanted a boy as he thought they'd gave more in common and be closer as he got older.

We have a girl and a boy and he is definitely DD's favourite whereas DS won't even let him put him to sleep and wants me a lot of the time. Her worries/preference will most likely be forgotten once the baby is born.

Blaablaablaa · 15/05/2018 11:24

I'm sorry but this whole ' gender disappointment' really annoys me. Just be happy you're having a baby. I have friends who have gone through endless IVF and are desperate for a baby. To hear people are disappointed in the the gender of their baby is just ridiculous.

When I found out I was having a boy I lost count of how many people said 'awww never mind. Maybe you'll have a girl next time' I was just delighted to be pregnant and that both of us were healthy .

Oh and you can't get an accurate gender scan before 16 weeks and even then it's not 100%

Blaablaablaa · 15/05/2018 11:26

And oh don't get me started on men wanting boys. 🙄

littlemisspatient · 15/05/2018 11:26

60%? That's only 10% more than just a complete 50:50 guess that anyone on the planet could do lol!

Sounds very unprofessional to me and, well, a guess!

LeapToad · 15/05/2018 16:18

@blaablaablaa you can't dictate what someone is disappointed about based on someone elses situation. My daughter was born at 28 weeks, we met people upset about spending a few days in hospital, and spent most of the first 6 months in with DD. Saying 'well at least you have a baby, you can't have any preference' would be like me saying 'well at least your baby's only in for a few days you can't want to be at home instead'.

Sure someone always has it worse but that doesn't mean someone preferring the idea of a boy or girl isn't allowed just because someone else is still trying for a baby...

Blaablaablaa · 15/05/2018 16:41

I just find it incredibly crass. Couples who struggle to concieve aside ( and I know a few so have witnessed the heartbreak close up) I've worked with culture's where gender disappointment can often result in a termination so I find it hard to sympathise with anyone who is disappointed because 'men prefer boys' or 'you're such a girly girl so wouldn't you have preferred a pink one' - both comments or variations thereof were said to me and my husband when I was pregnant.

I know someone who, when his girlfriend gave birth to a girl and not the boy he was convinced he'd get, went into what I can only describe as some kind of mourning over the son he'd never had. It was pathetic and I lost a lot of respect for him.

People like this are put in the same box as those who don't let boys go dancing or play with dolls in fear of making them gay.

Cutesbabasmummy · 15/05/2018 19:48

Both me and DH wanted a for. At the 20 week scan our lovely baby was wiggling his willy at us! My DH has not had a girl in his family for 120 years... We love him to bits!

Original poster

LunaSeraphina · 15/05/2018 19:55

Hi everyone! Wow, thank you for all your replies!

I don't think that she is disappointed in the sense that she won't love and adore the baby whatever gender it is and does not already love the child. I think it's more of a feeling based upon our upbringing. She is one of three sisters, my mum had five sisters and three brothers and we have 18 cousins who are girls and 5 who are boys. I think she is finding it difficult to comprehend what raising a boy will mean, given the lack of boys/men in our childhood...I hope that makes sense?

And of course, we are all thrilled to be welcoming a little baby into our family - it will be my parents' first grandchild and it's health is the absolute most important thing. I was just wondering if anyone with more experience of these things was able to shed some light on the 60% comment. I don't want to make my sister out to be ungrateful because that's no true at all!

Thanks again!!

OP posts:

ShowOfHands · 15/05/2018 20:03

People don't want to experience gender disappointment and it can blindside you. It's more complex than you think blaablaa and can be linked to life experience, depression, genuine fears and so on. It's a reaction over which you have little control and with kindness, support and compassion, the vast majority of people find that it resolves and they adore the baby they have. It's not for other people to judge and it certainly shouldn't be mocked or filtered through a third party's opinion of worthy concerns.

Good luck to her Luna. She'll be just fine, whatever the sex which atm really is an unknown .

Grandmaswagsbag · 15/05/2018 20:05

Flipping heck, my sonographer was really anti telling me at my 20 week as they can never be 100%. Your sister obviously needs to prepare for both eventualities but probably best to focus on the 20 week anomaly scan if she wants to worry about something (and I say that as someone who has had quite severe gender disappointment this time around). It’s actually a really embarrassing thing to feel and I never thought it would be me but you do get over it pretty swiftly.

Grandmaswagsbag · 15/05/2018 20:11

Showofhands exactly. I can’t even believe I’ve had it, and it’s really thrown me as my gut feeling (or so I believed) was so strong I’d convinced myself before the scan I was carrying another of the same sex as my 1st. Ive had to work through quite a lot of uncomfortable emotions to get to the bottom of it and yes it stems from my childhood. I’ve had a miscarriage at 12 weeks so I know full well how precarious pregnancy can be and that I should just be grateful. One thing I’ve learnt I’d that GD is completely irrational and that’s the hardest part to deal with.

ShowOfHands · 15/05/2018 21:21

@Grandmaswagsbag And congratulations

Blaablaablaa · 15/05/2018 23:10

I'm sorry but it's still a pretty self indulgent first world problem.

People need to look at the bigger picture.

Grandmaswagsbag · 15/05/2018 23:15

I don’t disagree. I used to judge people who fussed about it myself. As I said it’s a completely irrational feeling that you can’t really help. There’s nothing to be done but pull yourself together, get over it, and realise how lucky you are to have a hopefully healthy baby.

Original poster

LunaSeraphina · 16/05/2018 00:10

Perhaps too much importance is placed on gender in the first place? I went into a baby shop today to try and find some 'gender neutral' clothes and the separation between the two sexes was quite astonishing.

Having said that, there are real differences between boys and girls - namely physically and hormonally so perhaps there are reasons why certain people desire one or the other... Its an interesting discussion!

I will love my niece or nephew regardless.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2