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Parenting

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Original poster

My name or his?

31 replies

mother2b · 17/05/2007 12:27

Im having a baby but i dont want my baby to have a differant surname to me, i know that me and my partner will get married one day but i dont know when this will be, what would be the best thing to do about this? how easy is it to change childs surname after it has been registered?
am i being selfish?

OP posts:

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Muminfife · 17/05/2007 12:38

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster

mother2b · 17/05/2007 12:55

so they would have to keep the same name for a certain amount of time? because i wouldnt want to get married and then still end up having a different name?

OP posts:

Zofloyya · 17/05/2007 12:56

you could just keep your own name if you get married, then the problem will never arise

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3sEnough · 17/05/2007 12:58

Choice - 1. double barrelled 2. your's and then change childs name by deedpoll when you do get married 3. get married!

Original poster

mother2b · 17/05/2007 13:09

cant afford to get married at the moment and wouldnt want double barrelled as my surname is clarke and his is sargent
would it be selfish to expect him to take on my surname?

OP posts:

motherinferior · 17/05/2007 13:10

Of course it wouldn't. Why don't you just keep separate names, and give the baby yours?

ArcticRoll · 17/05/2007 13:12

My dc have my surname.
I am married but kept my surname.

babyblue2 · 17/05/2007 13:13

When I had DD1 prior to getting married I gave her hubby's name, we didn't have a wedding date but we got married 5 months later. I didn't like not having the same name as my baby. I can only see a problem if you don't get married for years, your child would have your name and then would have to change it, that may be strange. I would go with whatever you are favouring.

Tinker · 17/05/2007 13:14

If teh baby has your name, it is fairly simple to change it to teh father's at a later stage. A lot more difficult if teh otehr way round. (Men and women viewed equally yet?)

Original poster

mother2b · 17/05/2007 13:14

i would like him to have the same surname as child also so when it goes to school etc and he would have to pick up then there would be no confusion. the thing is i do really want to take on his name when we get married because since we talked about getting married thats how i imagined it, how would i go about changing baby's name by deedpoll, and is that fair to baby?

OP posts:

lemonaid · 17/05/2007 13:19

You probably could afford to get married (as opposed to having a wedding).

What do you want to be the position with names when you are married?

Do you want to keep your own name and your DP keep his? If so, no need to do anything, baby can have your surname.

Do you want to all have your DP's surname? If so you can change your surname to Sargent now by deed poll even though you aren't married, and give the baby that surname (which will by then be yours). This is what DH's aunt did (they eventually got married 12 years later).

Do you want to all have your surname? If so, give baby your surname and your DP can change his when you get married.

So, start by deciding where you want to be namewise in say 10 years time and then take action accordingly.

tigerschick · 17/05/2007 13:20

Another option is to do what a friend of mine at uni did. She wanted the same name as her dd so she just started calling herself by her dp's name. She didn't do anything official but over time she just adopted his name. When her dd was 10 and she wanted to get a job she decided to change it back - she and dp had long before split - and so she just reverted to her own name.

As you are intending to get married anyway, you could just start using his name early.
It's an option - that's all I'm saying.

lemonaid · 17/05/2007 13:20

Cross-posted... Just change your surname by deed poll now, before the baby is born.

tigerschick · 17/05/2007 13:21

x posts lemonaid - deed poll would make it official so is probably better than what my friend did.

Original poster

mother2b · 17/05/2007 13:22

so i could change my name to sargent now and then when get married just gain a 'mrs' prefix, that would be great, i would like us all to have his surname, how would i go about that and how costly would it be?

OP posts:

lemonaid · 17/05/2007 13:27

Someone posted this link here a few weeks ago -- I don't have any personal experience but they look OK. Their charge is £34 if you apply online.

paulaplumpbottom · 17/05/2007 13:28

Get married now problem solved

tribpot · 17/05/2007 13:36

Would it be weird, though, to be Mr and Miss (or Ms) Sargent until you got married? People might think you were cousins or something Plus on your wedding day you'd have to say "I, Jilly Sargent take thee Johnny Sargent" (names as appropriate!)

I'd just be tempted to start using dp's name informally if it's important to you to have the same name as your baby (it isn't to me, prob because my mum remarried when I was 7).

fridayatlast · 17/05/2007 13:46

I have a similar problem. DP and I are getting married soon and will hopefully have more children which will have his surname. I have DS from previous marriage who has his dads name. So, DS will have different name to me and any other kids we have. If I keep my maiden name we'll all ahve different names!

Don't like this but don't know what to do, don't want the double-barralled thing either as it really doesn't work with the names involved.

fridayatlast · 17/05/2007 13:48

How important is it that children from a family share a surname as long as they are confident they are all as important to that family regardless of the history? Will it really affect them? I'm not sure either way.

pinknfluffy29 · 17/05/2007 13:53

keep your name

i did with my son and daughter and when i got married in feb we all changed. my son is from a previous and i would hate him to have the name of someone he no longer sees. not saying you and dp will split but i think u must just imagine foe a moment if you did. if dp has parental responsibility he would have to give permission in future of any name changes from his or your surname.

once you are married get name changed by deed poll very easy and cheap £18

hth

tribpot · 17/05/2007 13:54

friday - that's my feeling, although I completely respect other people having a different idea. It's their families, they should do what feels right to them. But having grown up in a 'blended family' I'm used to not having the same surname as my mum, or my brothers and sisters (actually step-brothers and -sisters but we rarely make that distinction).

Even more confusingly, my step-sister has two different first names - her mum decided to change it when she split from my step-dad so everyone who knew her from then on called her Emma and everyone who knew her from before (i.e. family) called her Kath. So her dh calls her Emma but we call her Kath. Now that, my friends, is confusing!

motherinferior · 17/05/2007 13:56

I like the fact the inmates of the Inferiority Complex have different surnames. I have mine, DP has his, the Inferiorettes have both. But then I run shuddering from the room if people refer to us as a 'family', so I may not be entirely characteristic.

Original poster

mother2b · 17/05/2007 13:58

so you gave your children your surname to start with? did your parnter feel left out at all because he didnt have same name, we not planning to get married for several years (we like the idea of child being bridesmaid/page boy)and i dont want to make him feel pushed out

OP posts:

motherinferior · 17/05/2007 14:15

Me? The only time I asked him about surnames he assumed the baby would have both. No idea whether he'd have felt left out otherwise, I've never asked.

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