Tell me about a 3yr age gap

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We are planning on ttc DC#2 when DS turns 2. What is it like having children with a 3 year age gap? How independent is the 3yo when the new baby comes along?

3y3mo gap here. I think it works well; the 3yo can dress himself with minimal help, take himself for a wee, and will play independently for reasonable periods. His independence has increased markedly in the last 6 months and it definitely makes it easier to meet the newborn's needs.

3 year 6 month gap. Has worked out really well for us. Old enough to get involved and help out with DS2 to help him feel included, but still young enough for them now to be close (now nearly 2 and 5)

Worked well for us - 3 years a 2 months between them). I stopped using the buggy for DD at all after she turned 3 - I remember testing this out with a shopping trip in the West End when I started my mat leave for DC2. We'd started winding down on the buggy use a few months before that - I'd advise don't be scared, by 3 kids should be able to cope with a good half day of walking around.

My idea was that DC1 should be out of buggies and nappies by the time DC2 appeared... as it was DC1 finally got out of day nappies a week before her brother was due, and despite all the warnings that disruptive life events could cause relapse for things like that, she was fine (and out of night nappies a few months later).

She coped very well at that age having a new sibling and wasn't too demanding, and they've always got on pretty nicely together.

Yes, we've stopped using the buggy altogether and I was able to convert it back to newborn mode. We walk, scoot or take the bus if needed. We have a buggy board but 3yo can walk quite a long way if needed.

3 year gap almost exactly here - and they are fantastic with each other, genuinely the best of buds (now aged 1 and 4 - I'm assuming the worst for the teenage years though )

2 yr 11 month gap here. They're great friends now at 4&7 and play together really nicely. Was lovely to have my eldest in morning nursery while I was on maternity leave so I had mornings to chill out with the baby and then we could all go places together in the afternoons.

It's perfect, in my anecdotal experience.

But psychologists seem to agree that it's a good gap. I'm sure I read a study claiming a 1 year or 3 year gap works well for the child, and a 2 year gap is the trickiest.

3 years is easier on the parents too.

Small enough gap that they still grow up together, big enough that the older one has gained a lot more independence and understanding. Plus they are usually at or heading towards nursery, which gives you breathing space.

I found with mine that the nursery routine also gave them their normality in the early days with the newborn, their own space which wasn't all about a new baby.

Yes, I agree, out of nappies, probably out of the buggy so you don't need to buy a double and able to offer you small acts of helpfulness when required (bribed).

My 3yo will go and sit beside his crying brother if I'm tied up with something and gently pat and talk to him. It's adorable. There have been some moments of jealousy for sure but it's gone better than I've expected.

I have a three year gap between my two (5 and 2). In my experience it's a really lovely gap. My two absolutely adore each other and are the best of friends. They play amazingly well together and have done since before DS2 was one.

3 years between each of mine, who are now in their older teens and twenties. It means you finish paying one lot of uni costs before starting the next. (Which sounds a bit flippant but I know other families who have been hit by an overlap with smaller age gaps!)

Another plus is that you don't have the dreaded double summer of GCSEs and A'levels at the same time!!

Good to see positive experiences! DS is 2 at the end of June & he still seems such a baby. It's hard to imagine him more independent & I'm worried how he will feel sharing me (he's a mummy's boy)

I’ve purposley planned this with my DC (currently pregnant)

There’s 3 years between me and my brother, and we are very close. He’s one of my best friends.

Most of the people I know who have a 2 year age gap between them and their sibling aren’t close with them, especially if they are the same sex. It put me off a two year gap, as so many people seem to have a 2 year gap so their children can be close, but the rivalry gets in the way of any closeness.

I hope my two will be close!

Worked well here - what phase was 1 and 4 when 4 year old starting to build up elaborate games/brio etc and 1 year old constantly todddling through in a destructive way.

DD was 3.1 when the DTs were born and it worked like a dream.
We were proper partners in crime instead of me having to manage her as well as the babies.
She’s 9 now and we still reminisce about the craziness of babies and builders.

3yrs 6 months between mine and it's worked really well for the most part. By the time DS2 came along the elder was;

1. Sleeping through the night with a very fixed bedtime and wake time, in a big bed
2. Toilet trained
3. At pre-school 4 mornings a week
4. Quite helpful
5. Could feed himself and fetch a snack from the cupboard
6. Put on a simple outfit
7. Didn't need a buggy

"But psychologists seem to agree that it's a good gap. I'm sure I read a study claiming a 1 year or 3 year gap works well for the child, and a 2 year gap is the trickiest."

Yes I've read that too.

I have a 3 year age gap (almost exactly) and it was perfect for us.

Benefits were:

DC1 had a chance to be the baby before it became the big sibling.
DC1 old enough to help with DC2 (fetch nappies, wipes etc)
DC1 was out of the pushchair, so between pushchair / buggyboard and sling, I only ever needed one pushchair, even for long distances.
DC1 old enough to understand and wait if DC2 needed help.
DC1 out of nappies.
DC1 at paid for childcare when I had DC2, so I got a bit of time to spend just with the baby.
Only paying one set of childcare fees at a time (worked part time).

Now they're older, I've found it's continued to work. Close enough in age to share similar interests, to play together and to be good friends, which they are. I feel bad sometimes because DC2 never calls for friends, even though people are always asking if DC2 can go out to play. DC2's default is to play with DC1 wherever possible.

But at the same time, there's enough of an age difference that they're not competing against each other. The age gap is big enough for them both to realise that it's not fair to expect DC2 to be able to do what DC1 can do, which is just as well as DC1 is very competitive!

They were adorable together and are very close now too.

2 yrs 10 months here and it was wonderful. DS was quite an independent little chap by then, fully potty trained and going to nursery. We have never had any jealousy issues at all and now, aged 7 and 4, both refer to their sibling as their best friend and love being together.

I'm feeling really good about ttc in June now, thank you all. I hope the positive stories keep coming

3 year 6 months between my two. It worked really well. When DC2 was born, DC1 was more independent and out of nappies. She can play on her own reasonably well and can be entertained by a screen.

Also, there are classes you can sign 3 year old up to do independently, like ballet, gymnastics, swimming. This gave her a chance to burn up energies while I sat outside looking after baby. She wouldn’t go to a softplay and play indefinitely herself at that age, so these classes were great. But I know some 3 year olds who would play in a softplay by themselves.

There is also the advantage of not having two at nursery at the same time. And the 15 hour free preschool. I believe you now can get the extra 15 hours on maternity as you are still considered full time. I kept DC1 some days in nursery with money paid from childcare vouchers and the free childcare entitlement. (Childcare vouchers are free when you are down to SMP).

They started really playing together when DC2 is nearly two. When she can walk and talk. They are very close and they aren’t at different stages with huge differences in interests.

My dds have a 3 year age gap. They are very close and play together all the time. It's been this way since dd2 was about 18 months they have been amazing together

18 months ds 1 and ds 2. 4 years between ds 1 and dd2 and theres 2.5 years between ds2 and dd1. All equally fine. I dont think there is a magic number. Have another child when you feel ready and think you will be able to cope.

3y9m age gap here and it’s been a delight, my older one is such a caring a doting sibling and the younger one just absolutely adores them! Currently preg with DC3 who will be 18m younger than DC2.. wish me luck..