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Original poster

Getting out the door for nursery and work with a wilful 2yo

44 replies

graysor · 26/04/2018 08:34

Had an absolute disaster this morning, and wondering what i should do differently.

We have about an hour between getting up at 6.15 and leaving for nursery drop off at 7.15/7.30.

This morning before getting dressed dd wanted to sit on her potty and try for a wee. (she’s not yet potty trained. We tried a few weeks ago but it was a disaster so we abandoned. But still have the potty lying around). Fine, she had a sit, we had a chat and waited for a bit. Unsurprisingly no wee. So I said time to get up and have a nappy on and get dressed.

Cue massive meltdown. She wouldn’t get off the potty. Wouldn’t have a nappy on. Absolutely hysterical. I tried reassuring her it didn’t matter if she didn’t have a wee, that she could try again later or try again at nursery. No good. She was insistent she wanted to do a wee in her potty at home.

I’m already late at this point and very close to losing my shit. And at a loss on what to do. Can’t reason with her. Can’t physically force her into a nappy (have tried, it’s impossible) can’t seem to distract her.

I ended up shouting (obviously completely useless) then having to give myself time out for 5 mins in the bathroom while dd carried on crying while sat on her potty.

I apologised for shouting and being cross and attempted a cuddle while she still wouldn’t get off her potty.

Eventually wrestled her off and into a nappy and compromised with pants over nappy.

We’re both stressed upset and late.

What would you do differently? Any tips to avoid getting into this mess in the first place?

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Original poster

graysor · 26/04/2018 11:41

No one?

OP posts:

scottishbride · 26/04/2018 11:43

Sorry, I have no answers. Had to pin my little boy down this morning to get a nappy on and found the whole process quite traumatic!
He has just changed rooms at nursery to be with older children so thinking he may just be a bit unsettled and it will pass - I hope!

Strippervicar · 26/04/2018 11:48

Routine like you're in the army and asking them to do one micro task at a time. So, wee, well done for doing a wee. Teeth, I am proud of you for doing your teeth. Nappy/pants praise then clothes more praise. You feel silly but it can work.
Do you shower in the morning? If so you can shove her in with you and maybe she could make her wee come that way? I know it is yakky but the wee has come.

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MinaPaws · 26/04/2018 11:52

The hardest thing about htis is that they just have NO concept of time at that age. They just don't/can't get that time won't stand still while they muse on the potty, and that you have to be somewhere before a certain time.

Still, it's worth trying to explain. Say something like: In the mornings we are very busy so it's not a good time to go on the potty. You need plenty of calm time to use the potty so lets do it after nursery and at weekends.

At least that way it's very clear this isn't an option on weekday mornings, and your reasoning takes her needs into account, not just yours.

StubbleTurnips · 26/04/2018 11:58

We'd try games at that age, i.e. Race to get dressed.

Found that DD at that age could comprehend sequences, so it was always were going to do x, then y and then z to achieve leaving the house. So she understood what was happening next.

Any divergence would cause a warning, then the dreaded step. She was relatively easygoing about it.

DS will not be the same I fear.

Smeddum · 26/04/2018 12:02

I found the morning routine a nightmare so after trying what seemed like a billion ways to help it, we get up half an hour earlier. Sorry OP it’s not ideal, but it’s the only thing I’ve found that works.

Waitingonasmiley42 · 26/04/2018 12:09

I just started getting up earlier. I would be completely ready to leave before attempting to get toddler up and out.

greathat · 26/04/2018 12:13

Would pull ups help?

Namechange128 · 26/04/2018 12:17

Agree with routine so it's completely expected and making it fun - it feels like a faff but sometimes adding 2 minutes to make it a game saves you 15 minutes in tantrums later. We did a lot of 'haha! I am going to get my pants on before you!' or pretending that her pants were grown up girl pants and no children were allowed to wear them (whereupon she would let me get her dressed, snickering at how she'd tricked silly mummy) etc
You can also try some simple rules like breakfast is for after you are dressed - that said, this worked for neat and fussy dd1 but was a disaster with very messy eater DD2 so you have to find what works for you!

Getting up earlier is definitely good if you have a late riser, but I'm like you and need to be out the door early, so instead I also make sure a lot of my routine is done the night before - I shower often at night, lay out my clothes and bag for the next day plus the kids clothes and kit, have my makeup all to hand in one place, and breakfast ready to go.

tissuesosoft · 26/04/2018 12:19

The only way I’ve found the mornings less of a battle is to get up early (5.30/40) and get myself completely ready first, DD up at 6.50/55 and we leave for 7.15/20. I used I get her up earlier but then she went into play mode which made it harder to get out of the door. She has her milk whilst I put her hair up then I get her dressed. I keep her busy with that until it’s time to go.

muminmanchester · 26/04/2018 12:23

Oh OP, I could have written the very same post this morning.

No advice further to the above but just a reassurance that you're not alone. Wilful 2 year olds are just impossible to reason with!

Ratbagratty · 26/04/2018 12:50

I have a wilful 2 yo refusing to potty train. We start the night before by talking to her about the next day. When you wake up x is going to happen so you can go to nursery. We also have to give her some control, which could be from pick from these two outfits, what clips for your hair (while brushing). While doing getting g ready tasks we ask about who she may see, what toy she would like to take.

As for this morning, takingvvyourself away was a good idea, I've found I have to let the tantrum run it's course and be avaliable for a cuddle. I also try to work out why it happened, generally it has been frustration at not being able to do something for herself and not wanting help . Or I have said no to something so I really try to avoid these when going out the door by a certain time.

Original poster

graysor · 26/04/2018 12:51

Phew, some replies! Thanks for the solidarity and the ideas.

I already do everything possible the night before. Literally all we have to do in the morning is breakfast, teeth dressed and out the door. Even breakfast is vaguely optional as dd usually has a second breakfast at nursery and I grab something at work.

Pull ups is definitely a good idea. I’ll get a stash in. That might just have been enough of a compromise this morning to avert the meltdown. Def worth a try.

I should have tried harder with trying to make it into a game or a race or something. But in the moment I just feel completely paralysed, and can’t think of anything like that. I think I need some pre rehearsed strategies as even at the best of times I lack imagination and ideas for anything silly or funny.

Dd has only v recently started reliably sleeping till after 5 in the morning so I’m loathe to get anyone up early.

It is always a relief to hear you’re not the only one!

OP posts:

Scentofwater · 26/04/2018 13:10

I have some success with praising in advance, so I tell dd what a good girl she is for putting a nappy on while I’m holding it up, then follow through with ott praise the entire way through the process.

She also has no concept of time so I’m trying to help her by saying she can do such and such while I do such and such, and when I’m getting close to finishing I’ll tell her and also tell her it’s nearly time to do something else (ideally something even more fun), and sort of give little updates on how long she has left, (so for instance if I’m washing up I’ll say I have one plate left, letting the water out, drying hands etc) then I’ll tell her I’m done, so it’s now time for...

I still want to rip my scalp raw most days, but these do help a little.

Original poster

graysor · 26/04/2018 18:04

The praising in advance thing is good too. Will have to try and remember that one. I sometimes do it a bit, along the lines of ‘show me how nicely you can put your trousers on by yourself’ but I could definitely emphasise it more.

OP posts:

BellyBean · 26/04/2018 19:25

Empathising when she's disappointed might help - aww you really wanted to do a wee and you're disappointed there isn't any. It's a shame we can't sit here all day long and wait for one isn't it!

I'd really suggest getting How to talk so little kids will listen. I've read the one for older kids and it's really helping.

DontDrinkDontSmoke · 26/04/2018 19:29

I used to tell mine to have pretend wees instead. 9/10 a wee would come after the pressure was off.

endofthelinefinally · 26/04/2018 19:48

Hide the potty till you want to start using it. If she doesn't see it distraction is easier.

Original poster

graysor · 26/04/2018 21:29

Pretend wees, that’s a great idea!

I have read the how to talk book. I should re read it. I find it really hard to remember the different strategies when I’m in the heat of the moment but I do need to make more effort. Will get it out tonight.

OP posts:

glueandstick · 26/04/2018 22:43

I’ve been known to dress my toddler the night before so only a jumper needs adding. It does rely on no leaks...

Christ only knows how people do it day in day out. It took us three hours to leave the house today. THREE HOURS.

applesandpears56 · 27/04/2018 00:40

Definately plan like it’s a military operation
Get yourself up and ready before you wake her if possible
Have clothes set out downstairs so as soon as she finishes breakfast you can change her from pjs to clothes
Keep an extra set of toothbrushes downstairs too so you don’t come back upstairs once you’ve come downstairs
Entice with s snack to have on the way to nursery once she’s got her shoes and coat on

applesandpears56 · 27/04/2018 00:43

Oh and on the potty training - just hide the potty and leave it a while.
When they are ready it’s a doddle and can be done in a few days - no point stressing and pushing it if she’s not really ready

Asmallrole · 27/04/2018 00:47

Put the potty away. It doesnt need to be out in sight if you're not potty training.

IWantMyHatBack · 27/04/2018 01:06

Similar. I get up at 6:30 with nursery drop at 7:30. Mine is older though and can get himself dressed, so an hour is just enough for me to get ready and have breakfast, and make sure we're all ready .

Get up at 6am, hide potty for a month. That's it.

Original poster

graysor · 27/04/2018 05:15

Hide the potty is the obvious solution isn’t it. Why didn’t I think of that. Nowhere to hide it though...

OP posts:

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