Getting out the door for nursery and work with a wilful 2yo

[graysor]

Had an absolute disaster this morning, and wondering what i should do differently.

We have about an hour between getting up at 6.15 and leaving for nursery drop off at 7.15/7.30.

This morning before getting dressed dd wanted to sit on her potty and try for a wee. (she’s not yet potty trained. We tried a few weeks ago but it was a disaster so we abandoned. But still have the potty lying around). Fine, she had a sit, we had a chat and waited for a bit. Unsurprisingly no wee. So I said time to get up and have a nappy on and get dressed.

Cue massive meltdown. She wouldn’t get off the potty. Wouldn’t have a nappy on. Absolutely hysterical. I tried reassuring her it didn’t matter if she didn’t have a wee, that she could try again later or try again at nursery. No good. She was insistent she wanted to do a wee in her potty at home.

I’m already late at this point and very close to losing my shit. And at a loss on what to do. Can’t reason with her. Can’t physically force her into a nappy (have tried, it’s impossible) can’t seem to distract her.

I ended up shouting (obviously completely useless) then having to give myself time out for 5 mins in the bathroom while dd carried on crying while sat on her potty.

I apologised for shouting and being cross and attempted a cuddle while she still wouldn’t get off her potty.

Eventually wrestled her off and into a nappy and compromised with pants over nappy.

We’re both stressed upset and late.

What would you do differently? Any tips to avoid getting into this mess in the first place?

I just get up an hour before thr toddler and baby wake up so that I'm showered and ready and can have a cup of tea in peace. Then ita just getting them ready. Far quicker, even if it does mean waking up at 4

A few more months and she’ll behin to be able to understand basic economics at toddler level; “Mummy has to go to work to get money. If I’m late to work I won’t have enough money to buy treats such as X. We want an X on Friday don’t we?”

Some people call that bribery. I call it instilling economic awareness.

Knock yourself out with felt calendars, charts, clocks and egg timers too.

Sometimes nothing helps, but increasingly all of the those things start to help a BIT.

If I don't have suitable places to hide things in the house, I put them in a black bag and put it in the boot of the car for a bit. Would that work for the potty OP?

Doris I do that too!

Sometimes I stick things in a carrier bag in a corner somewhere. DC don’t appear to be at all curious.

In the wardrobe?

We have had mornings like yours at times with my dd. Could you try bribes when it gets really bad and you need to go? Probably not the best but does work as a one off. Or stickers as a reward? My just gone 3 year old has a sticker chart with happy and sad face stickers as that is what they started at nursery and it really seemed to work with her so we started a version. But don't think she would have got it when she was much younger.

I also do as a OK, get up first at 5.50, get ready then get DD (4) up, get her completely ready then let her watch tv while I get DS (19mth) up as late as possible and get him ready and bundled out of the door before he has chance to start messing about!
Potty training is a challenging time in more ways than one though so you might find it a lot easier once that's done!

Visual timetables work really well for this age used along with a sand timer. If you have 2 columns one to do and one completed she can move the picture over when each one is done.

It is a bit of work, but wonder if something like this might work (from How To Talk So Little Kids Listen). Don’t know if you can read it but basically a little chart with sequence for leaving the house in the morning, then move your popsicle stick along it like a race. Also how about a timer for the potty? Warn her before that will try for 10 minutes, then on to the next step.

Ha! Cross posted with donkir

Suggestion from the OT for my very distractable, coordinationally challenged older child but that should work younger.

Use songs they know as a time frame to get a task done (disclaimer - if your child is prone to being distracted doing Elsa arm wavy, ice shooty, twirly movements followed by the hair flick bit at the end... don't use Let it Go).

Use a towel or something on the floor as a physical boundary and say they have to stay on the towel till all pyjamas off or whatever - kind of works like that bit where people were drawing shapes on the floor in tape and their cats were staying inside them.

Bit marmitey on here but I used pull ups as soon as my kids were mobile instead of nappies - I got a couple of extra ones in the pack for the same price and I just found them much easier to wrestle a fleeing toddler into. Never used them in place of pants for potty training - just as a less annoying form of nappy.

Mind you I've just watched DH almost have a breakdown cos he's doing the school run this morning (using my car for the day) at the simple task of getting two pre-dressed school age kids into a coat that's waiting at the door for them, a book bag into hands and them physically OUT of the door! (I'll admit I quietly smirked a bit - I'd done all the hard stuff!)

There is also a reward system sort of thing. Do everything else first and then give her up to 5 mins to sit on potty at end (10 or 15 in actuality in case of tantrums/refusal) and remind of of the countdown. When time is up say "right sweetie, well done, we need to go, lets get nappy/knickers/pull ups and pants on so we can have xyz (reward/distraction) in car/on the way." Or something similar.

Whatever you try. Good luck and persevere.

No ideas, just empathy. Our 2 year old is like a mini version of carrie mathieson from homeland

Ooh more good suggestions. Thanks all. I’m obviously not alone in struggling with this!

So I’ve hidden the potty in a bag behind my bedroom door for the moment. Hopefully out of sight is out of mind.

I like the visual timetable idea. Will try and knock one up over the weekend.

The song as timeframe idea is interesting. But I fear won’t work well with dd. We often try a similar approach but using a short book. So, dd you can sit in the potty while I read this book, and at the end of the story we’ll get up and do xyz. But she always just demands another story and isn’t interested in any other distraction or reward.

I’ll have a go at using a mat on the floor as a physical boundary. No Idea if dd will be compliant enough for it though. She literally never stops moving!

Can you use a digital timer? Make the clock the enemy, so she can see it, and when it beeps its time to get off/clean teeth/be dressed or whatever. Also if she dicks about having teeth brushed, the Oral B timer app is like magic. My DD doesn't give a shit about playing up for me but she really doesn't want Mickey Mouse to see that she isn't cleaning her teeth

My toddler wears his nursery top to bed.
In your case, buh-bye potty. Reduce that stress trigger by simply making it disappear, as others have said.
If toothbrushing is an issue, YES to having the brush and paste downstairs OR brush teeth after nursery (not ideal but for now, it's all about damage control and getting out the door without having to wake up at 4am).
I would suggest that you get up at 5:50 and get your coffee, get yourself together and then wake your DD a bit later.

Find your honey traps... are they planting bulbs, observing the recently-hatched chicks, building a water world, is there a special friend at nursery, etc? Whatever NEW is happening at nursery, focus on that as a lure to get out the door and get to the action. Does she love story time? "You don't want to miss out on story time. Here, let's get that coat on."
I use friends as well. "Ella is waiting at the number house for you." "Ishmael wants to have a party at the number house." Whatever. Use your imagination. Stretch the truth a tad. The number house (it's a cardboard playhouse with numbers all over it) is like my golden ticket at the moment. It'll wear thin. But by that time, something new and enticing will help get us out the door.
Though lately, it's become so easy to leave the house. DC3 is coming up on 4. Time and age helps!

It is undoubtedly one of the more stressful times of parenting, just trying to get to school in those early years. But they go by so fast. I had a big, proper, ugly cry last night when everyone was asleep because my very last DC is counting down the last couple of months of nursery, which, despite my moaning, really is such a magical year. You still have more time. You'll find new and improved tricks as you go on. And your little one will become more compliant.

This evenings fun and games was teeth brushing before bed. Sometimes she’s absolutely fine with this. Sometimes an absolute horror. No rhyme or reason to suggest why.

Anyway today I felt reasonably well prepared with a few different strategies. As usual dd likes to have a go first. Fine, usually she has a turn then I have a turn. Today she wanted another turn, and wouldn’t relinquish the tooth brush. So I said you have one last turn while we read this book then at the end of the book it’s my turn. She agreed, we read the book then she kicked off when I said it was my turn demanding it was still her turn.

So I changed tactics. Offered some closed choices. I know you don’t like it, but we have to do your teeth dd, same as every day. Shall we do them in the bathroom or your bedroom? NO. Do you want to sit on your chair or on my lap? NO.

Then I tried getting silly. Suggested seeing if I could do it even faster than daddy. Met with a resounding NO. Suggested brushing her teeth with a kazoo instead (random object that happened to be to hand). NO. Suggested brushing her teeth upside down. NO. (Not sure how I’d have managed this if she’d actually agreed!)

I’m all out of ideas at this point so just pin her down and quickly scrub her teeth while she wails. Which I hate doing, but teeth are non negotiable.

Ugh.

Oral b magic timer app for your phone. Revolutionised teeth brushing here.

Some days all the playful parenting in the world gets shut down with a NO and a death stare from my toddler. Hopefully it’s just a phase graysor!