Do you let your toddler run

[LizMyles]

I have a question. Do those of you with toddlers allow them to run on hard surfaces such as decking and concrete or do you prevent this in case of falls?

Of course! Apart from having no idea how you'd stop a toddler running, how else do you expect them to learn and understand their limits/capabilities?

It was a graze on the lip that swelled up really bad but has healed extremely fast. I don’t think it will scar. I’m more worried about my sons physiological health now with a father who won’t allow him to run anywhere.

right OK, so does your OH do the day to day stuff himself? or is it you that is doing it and he is telling you to stop your child from running?

My toddler just shouts "Careful!" and carries on doing crazy, dangerous stuff

My kids run around all the time. Unless it's somewhere blatantly dangerous. Kids learn by falling and picking themselves back up.

I think it's something your OH might benefit from some professional help regarding because it's something that will only get worse as your kids get older and go to school. Last week alone my eldest fell over at school and cut his face, elbow and knee. The following day on the way home, he fell into a hedge. Then on Saturday he fell face first into a fish pond. Thankfully no harm was done. But even when there are adults present, kids will have accidents. I was stood right next to him by the pond and couldn't catch him cos it all happened so quickly! Thankfully it wasn't too deep and I got him out in seconds. Both boys know now we don't go near the edge!!

I love that mental image, spectacular! Thank you!

If he isn't already getting it then he needs help for his anxiety. Your child will hurt themselves countless times over the years and he can't stop them doing everything.

I honestly hadn't ever considered stopping mine running on hard surfaces. They fall, they get up and they move on.

Mine doesn't have a careful mode. All kids fall and hurt themselves, it's how they learn. Obviously I don't let him run in places like car parks or by busy roads but if it's safe, I just let him go.

Interestingly, on a recent safeguarding training session I attended, not letting children take risks and over protection were classed as abuse. Not saying your oh is abusive btw or that I completely agree that it's abuse... But it's not healthy to prevent risk taking within reason.

It’s me that’s doing the day to day stuff and he who is telling me to stop him from running. When he is home at the weekend he tells him not to run etc.

YY broomstick there was no stopping DD, she ran everywhere as a toddler. She is 6 now and does Parkrun. No boy or girl in her class can keep up with her

She has fallen numerous times. So far the only scar is one on her tongue from when she bit it as she fell aged 18 months. When she hurts herself I get her up, give her a cuddle, take her home and put a plaster on it. 10 minutes later she is racing about again.

It's not fair to try and stop a child running about. If you are really worried then IME the best thing to do is run alongside them holding a hand so you can stop them from falling so hard. I did that with DD and we both ended up fit. I now run 10Ks and half marathons

OP, your DH needs to find a way to deal with this. What is he going to be do when your DS gets bigger and wants to ride a scooter, or a bicycle, or go on the swings, or the climbing frame, or play football?

sorry but it is ridiculous, of course a child has to run.

Thanks everyone for all your messages. I needed to hear this from other parents that don’t know me or my OH.

I too had never considered stopping him running until my OH said so.

He is seeking help for his anxiety but he still insists on this controlling things to prevent accidents. It’s very hard for me at the moment. I don’t really know what to do or how to handle the situation.

Your DP needs to get help for his anxiety as he can't 'ban' everything that poses a threat today my 9mo banged his head on the cabinet, am I supposed to get rid of my cabinets now? It's super ridiculous and impractical to live life like that, you can't wrap them up in cotton wool forever unfortunately, that sort of injury and fall is normal for toddlers, your DP really needs help for his anxiety as you don't want your son picking up on it and possibly becoming anxious himself.

Stopping him really isn't an option!

He's fallen/tripped loads - less so now that he's 3.

I would rather my child was active and fit and health with a scar than scar free but miserable and unhealthy.

But how will he learn how to control his balance if he's not allowed to run?

Must be very difficult for you OP. But I think you need to follow your instincts on this one. Good that your OH is getting help with his anxiety.

I know it's hard with a toddler as the world seems full of dangers but there's only so much you can do. Yes, the child needs to run on all surfaces. Yes, he'll fall and hurt himself. But that is life and the way he'll learn.

I know when DS was a toddler I considered getting him a crash helmet to wear! That and a padded play room.

I think you're right not to indulge your dp. Toddlers need to partake in mildly risky behaviour so they can learn to assess risks for themselves.

I have anxiety, to the point where I’m receiving treatment for it.

I also have 3 children, two just leaving the toddler stage and one at 11. I have always been an anxious parent, waaaay too overprotective with DS1 (he got sepsis at 15 weeks) and in hindsight I held him back, a lot.

I realised when he was about 4 that I wasn’t being fair to him and that my anxiety was just that, it’s mine, and it shouldn’t affect his life or his enjoyment of being a child.

So I get where your DH is coming from, but it’s the anxiety he needs to address not wrapping your child up in cotton wool and preventing them from being a child.

Our back garden is gravel, decking and paving slabs. Beyond padded mats at the bottom of the trampoline ladder (it’s about 3ft on to concrete slabs if they fall) I don’t restrict their running or try and make everything safe. Because kids fall, they skin their knees, bump their heads and graze their elbows in the course of playing.

If you constantly restrict everything they’ll never learn to assess risk for themselves, never learn how to pick themselves up after a minor bump or fall, and most importantly, make them scared of everything.

So aye, I understand his fears but he’s addressing them in the wrong way. It’s the anxiety causing the problem, not your child running.

The “you” in my post was a general you not you OP.

I agree with everyone else. Also, at that age motor development is strongly linked to confidence and self-image, so I don't think it is advisable to try and constrain it.

The only times I stopped mine running were when they were heading towards something obviously dangerous such as a road, pond or step. They did seem to quickly learn that running down a hill isn't a good idea - both of them faceplanted a couple of times on the slope leading down to their nursery.

@IHaveACuntingPlan downhill on a scooter was a pretty rapid learning curve for me! I didn’t know I could run that fast!!!!

The best way for him to prevent big accidents is to allow your child to suffer these minor injuries. A kid who falls and whacks his lip might be more careful next time. Children learn by pushing boundaries - what we do as parents is to make sure those boundaries are age and context appropriate.
So no running off near water or roads = totally reasonable. No running full stop = unworkable.
Or when they’re tiny you hover over them and hold them down the slide. A bit older you just hold a hand, older still you just keep an eye, and older still they can go off by themselves. They learn from that.

It IS nerve wracking and as someone who suffers from anxiety I have a lot of sympathy with your DH in how he feels. But it’s not possible to wrap them up in cotton wool.

Is your OH sure that his scar is from running and falling? It seems unlikely that a fall that happened from running (?) at 10 months would cause a significant lifelong scar.