One child families cause kids that don't share

[Keepdlingwhatyourgutsays]

I've read a lot of posts where people say one child families are lonely they don't share and bla bla bla
Is this true? In my experience it's not and my small one doesn't seem to care or desperately want another sibling.
In fact my child seems to love having people over and sharing because it's a novelty. Toys she often plays with on her own or with her parents she now gets to enjoy with another child.
I've been thinking a lot about another one but the cons seem to outway the pros for me.
How are your single children do they have any issues like not sharing or desperately wanting another sibling. What age did these things start? 😀

Yes it's nice to see how other I id other actions ally copes. All I here is the nonesense about them being spoilt. La bla bla

I do think that only children, especially of older parents, can end up with a lonely and burdensome middle age, when having sole responsibility for decrepit parents can coincide with their own 'parent of young dcs' years.

Even if siblings aren't close, it's less isolating to have someone else to share and discuss burdensome family stuff with (can still fall to one and cause resentment of course but on average, I think sharing happens and helps).

Selfishness, sharing etc I think has a lot to do with personality, as well as upbringing. Not all onlies are spoilt. Some are good at throwing themselves into groups of dcs, others are a bit 'semi-adult', good at talking to grown-ups but bad at 'mucking in' easily and with other dcs.

The most selfish, ruthless individuals I've met, with the biggest sense of specialness, entitlement and greatest willingness to trample on others to get what they want, have been middle children. I'd put it down to nature rather than nurture for both of them.

I think it depends how they are brought up but if I was going to make unfounded trends on what is seen, id say only children are better at sharing things. My sibling set get quite possessive over things as most stuff is not theirs but a joint thing so something just for them is rare and they cling to it. My other ridiculous observation is that siblings have to share their parents attention, time and their needs are often competing which is a whole different dynamic

Yes I guess if your in a few you learn to get what you want. I'm hoping she'll treasure friendship more I don't no

If I was apply a bit of armchair psychology to these 'special middles' I mention, I'd say they get practice at manipulating people whereas onlies don't gain the same soft negotiation skills and can be more rigidly rule-following - so have a stronger sense of fairness, as opposed to a sense of 'struggle to secure their entitlement' (gone nuclear in these cases!). I still think those cases are about personality. The 'rule-following' (and imposing) thing can be a more general 'onlies' issue.

TBH Lottie I'd be better off if I were an only. I have siblings and an ailing mum (dementia). There's always a discussion about what needs to be done ...then I do it. Because I live closer. If I were an only I'd just make the decision to suit me rather than have to have a debate over every blooming thing then end up doing something that runs me ragged.

In answer to the OP. Our child is an only. He has a couple of friends who have siblings and said to me a few years ago "I love seeing x and y but I'm glad to get back home - they're always fighting over something'.

I loved having siblings because we COULD fight over everything and because we also supported each other against the world (hasn't unfortunately continued as we grew up but there you go). So I found it interesting that he picked up on that aspect.

Does he share? He'd give you the shirt off his back. My sibling and SIL has an only child too and they're no different to other relations with 2, 3 or 4 kids.

I found the remark about the lady who is an only child who checks to see what everyone else has and gets narked about it. My DH does that and he's a middle child. Just greed on his part though .

I was not an only one but had much older siblings. I always wanted someone to play with and felt especially lonely on holidays when even my young adult siblings weren't around.

Also, it depends a lot on personality of the child and the parents and whether they match. So a bookish child, happy to spend lots of time alone, might be well suited to being an only. A sociable extrovert might struggle more - unless of course their parents are the same, in which case they'll probably spend lots of time with other families and groups.

I think there's something about allowing an amount of childish chaos in your home, especially as they get older and this isn't so inevitable. I've seen households where an only child becomes a bit mini-adult in their domestic behaviour, fitting in to a 'majority adult' household and I have felt a bit sorry for them and feel that allowing friends to come round and make a bit of a mess - make it fully a 'child's home' as well as an adult-led one, is important.

Yes I can see that LondonJax and am sure it happens a lot. I suppose I think there is something a bit lonely about always knowing it will be you and having no-one else who shares your memories, or can share the mental burden. But yes, there's a certain self-containment and self-determination about being able to get on with things.

Another thought is that relationships with parents, as an adult, are different. It will depend a lot on the particular relationship of course. I think there's something more fun about family gatherings with siblings too, than visits to parents alone, which can feel more dutiful. There is something really nice about being part of a 'next generation' which forms its own identity and has a shared perspective on the parents - as 'the parents' as well as as individuals, if that makes sense.

Load of rubbish my DS 5 is an only child but loves to share. If he goes in a play area and notices one child being left out he goes to them. If we have visitors with children he is only too happy to share. In fact we have found the opposite is true some of the families we visit who have multiple children are often more likely to fight and shout "That's mine". I was one of seven and hated sharing with brothers and sisters, my nieces and Nephews who are in their teens have locks on their doors to prevent each other borrowing their stuff. So defoe not the case as far as I'm concerned.

I think generally it's absolute bollocks. Children with siblings won't share, children without siblings will share - it all depends on their personality and how they are brought up.

However I have one particular adult friend who is an only child and is the absolute model of what people think of when they make comments about only children. She does struggle to compromise, to see other people's points of view in relation to how to do certain things, to 'share' in terms of her life experiences. She is very lovely but also inherently extremely selfish.

Now I have no idea why she does this, I have never asked because it would come across as insanely rude, but cod-psychology would look at her and think, she never had to share or compromise when she was growing up, she was never taught it as a skill. Maybe that's not the reason why. Maybe it was just never taught her as a child by her parents, which probably doesn't have much to do with not having a sibling. But she really is the cliche of what people think about.

My dd3 is practically an only. Huge age gap, others have left home.
She loves sharing.
She doesnt have the sharp elbows, the ability to defend herself in a conflict that growing up with a sibling gives

In my personal experience, I must say that the only children I know have been far worse at sharing and turn taking and tend to like to have things their own way. The only children adults I know have been confident and high achieving but poor at compromising and maintaining marriages / relationships, and again like to get their own way. But that's a very small sample of anecdata, and proves the sum of absolutely nothing.

I'm sure that parenting and innate personality is a bigger influence on sharing abilites etc than sibling numbers.