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Original poster

One child families cause kids that don't share

63 replies

Keepdlingwhatyourgutsays · 25/04/2018 10:16

I've read a lot of posts where people say one child families are lonely they don't share and bla bla bla
Is this true? In my experience it's not and my small one doesn't seem to care or desperately want another sibling.
In fact my child seems to love having people over and sharing because it's a novelty. Toys she often plays with on her own or with her parents she now gets to enjoy with another child.
I've been thinking a lot about another one but the cons seem to outway the pros for me.
How are your single children do they have any issues like not sharing or desperately wanting another sibling. What age did these things start? 😀

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PattiStanger · 25/04/2018 12:42

Tbh I think sharing's over-rated as some kind of indicator of parenting.

I have more than one DC so can't comment on onlies but I couldn't tell you if mine are good sharers or not as it wasn't something I was particularly consious of but I do remember annoying children who thought that sharing actually meant give me the thing I want with no concept of taking turns.

Mymycherrypie · 25/04/2018 12:44

Of course it does count how you bring them up, but there are subconscious things that go on that you won’t notice you are doing.

I have a grown up friend who is an only child and if someone makes a cup of tea and there is slightly more in my cup than hers, you can see her bristle. If we are out for dinner and someone else’s food comes up nicer than hers, again, she squirms in her seat. She knows she does it too - she openly admits that she is used to having the best of everything.

When I am cooking for the kids, if one piece of toast gets burned during breakfast - I say oh I’ll eat that one and give the kids the better ones - friend is always checking to see who got the ‘better’ ones 😂 She didn’t have a box room because she was the only child in the house. She didn’t have to compromise over what video to watch, as she had first choice.

Original poster

Keepdlingwhatyourgutsays · 25/04/2018 12:45

Yes that's not sharing that just demanding they want it and saying we have to share.
Funnily enough there was a women who said she taught her child not to share. I bet that got a few comments. I wonder what the thinking was behind that and how it turned out.

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Hoppinggreen · 25/04/2018 12:45

Depends
Dd has 2 good friends who are only children
One is incredibly kind and generous and the other one wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire

tierraJ · 25/04/2018 12:47

My friends 3 yr old shares her toys & plays well with other kids.

When I go round she likes me to play games as well!! She's so sweet.

She doesn't miss out as she has lots of cousins & friends.

Flutist · 25/04/2018 13:06

I'm an only child and never had a problem sharing. I did spend a lot of time reading though, which might not have been the case if there had been another child in the house to play with. I certainly benefited from being the only one my parents spent their money on. It has benefited my own DC as well because of sole attention from grandparents and having a house to live in which I couldn't have afforded if I had to share inheritance with my sibling.

flamingofridays · 25/04/2018 13:09

my 2yo isn't an only child as he has a dss who is 13, however they don't exactly play together or anything so he may as well be an only child iyswim.

He isn't selfish. We get him to share with us (because i was also worried about him becoming selfish) so if we are playing we will ask for a toy he has occasionally, or to look at the teddy he's got or whatever. He says yes most of the time, and occasionally "mine!" but he's only 2 so..

he also goes to nursery so i think that helps a lot, but he does have to be reminded to share there sometimes.

BubblesAndSquarks · 25/04/2018 13:14

My DD was an only child until 4, was never any good at sharing, its improved slightly since having siblings but not much and could be down to age rather than siblings anyway! Think things like sharing are more personality based than whether they have a sibling.

She started wanting a baby brother at 3, but she was very much focused on wanting a baby rather than wanting a sibling to play with as she was obsessed with baby's/puppy's/anything cute.
Now her sisters a toddler she has said shed prefer a dog instead a few times haha!

Original poster

Keepdlingwhatyourgutsays · 25/04/2018 13:21

Haha that's brilliant. Babies are cute I don't think they think as far as to when they grow and will touch all there things and never leave them alone 😂

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Anxiouschild · 25/04/2018 13:33

I'm an only. I wasn't spoiled (because we didn't have much) and don't think I was/am brattish. However I was very lonely as a child and desperate for a sibling. I lost my DM 3 years ago and it has left me feeling very alone as I am NC with my F, despite a lovely DH and 2 DCs. I have no-one to share my childhood and history with who was there.
As for sharing, there's a running joke with DH that I don't share but this is food-based and he's not wrong Otherwise I would consider myself ok at it.
The only other thing I wonder about not having a sibling was my difficulty relating to others my age until I was in my mid-20s, and even then most of my friends were 5-10yrs older than me. I grew up surrounded by adults and felt far more a part of that group than those my age. I was desperate to be an adult, and am definitely happier with a larger group of friends than ever before now I'm in my mid-30s.

m0therofdragons · 25/04/2018 13:44

I have id twins and my dm (who is usually fairly sensible) said "oh well they'll always have had each other so they'll automatically share things won't they?" Er hell no! The toddler "I saw it first it's mine" philosophy remains very strong. They do share with other dc really nicely but with each other they're very possessive of every piece of plastic tat they've ever had!

Original poster

Keepdlingwhatyourgutsays · 25/04/2018 13:47

Aww bless. I love toddlers mine we t through a stage of not sharing, we are at the stage now of this persons coming can u put that in your room as it's really special. If she's got something that's delicate or special I'm happy to move it.

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Mookatron · 25/04/2018 13:54

There is no 'true' when it comes to bringing up kids (it might be easier if there was!).

I have observed that adult friends of mine who were onlies find it harder to think collectively than those with siblings.

That's not necessarily a bad thing though. And of course that's anecdotal.

JudgeRulesNutterButter · 25/04/2018 13:55

I’m an only and it’s absolutely fine. Honestly people get so hysterical about only children and it’s really not warranted.

Read some of the threads about sibling favouritism / “golden child” syndrome for balance! Problems can be solved by siblings, caused by siblings, solved by parents, caused by parents, etc etc etc. The stereotypical lonely only child might have found that they had a complete personality clash with their sibling and they made their life hell. The only child supporting their aging parents might have found that their sibling was an additional problem rather than a help. And so on.

Sorry, bit of a soapbox of mine!

Queenofthedrivensnow · 25/04/2018 14:30

I can tell the difference quite quickly with my children's friends who are only children or children's with siblings. It's not huge behaviour issues or anything just minor things telling takes, bring a bit possessive of their friends. The chums my dds have who are siblings are easier to have over to play but the onlies arnt so bad I don't invite them - just a little different.

mindutopia · 25/04/2018 14:34

I think it’s all down to parenting. I was an only child. I think I shared perfectly well and certainly had lots of close happy friendships as a child, many of whom I’m

DairyisClosed · 25/04/2018 14:36

I was an only child. I always shared. Many of my friends with siblings didn't.

mindutopia · 25/04/2018 14:38

Argh, pushed enter too soon! Anyway still close with those childhood friends today even though I live on the other side of the world. But I think it’s because my parents raised me to be polite and kind.

I certainly never wished for a sibling and didn’t feel I was missing out as a child or now, though my husband has siblings and cousins who he is close to and I love them and see the appeal of a bigger family as an adult. In my case, my parents marriage wasn’t stable and when they divorced my dad provided no financial or other support, so probably a blessing there was only one of me.

My dh and I decided to have two, but not for them, for us, because we always wanted two children. It’s more about the kind of family you want to raise than how your dc feel, kids will adjust to anything!

m0therofdragons · 25/04/2018 23:02

@Keepdlingwhatyourgutsays we're just passing that stage as dtds are now 6 and their friends have been round since reception so they've worked out rules and how to play etc. Play dates are a breeze these days.

Original poster

Keepdlingwhatyourgutsays · 26/04/2018 12:24

@mOtherofdragons twins 🤗 I guess the descisionwas taken out of your hands. I'm getting there.
No children are perfect I just wondered wether to she was really missing out being only one

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m0therofdragons · 26/04/2018 13:07

Honestly, from my observations there are pros and cons. I have a brother but he lives the other side of the world so when parents need help it falls to me. I have dh and close friends who can support me so I imagine your dd will in time create her own network of support. What she misses in one way she will gain in others.

lottiegarbanzo · 26/04/2018 13:21

I find the idea that a decision about a sibling would in any way depend upon the existing child wanting one quite odd. Dcs have no idea of the implications of having a younger sibling, or what effect different age gaps might have. What do you do if they get to six or seven, then express that really wish they had a close sibling?

Original poster

Keepdlingwhatyourgutsays · 26/04/2018 14:34

@lottiegarbanzo it isn't depending on wether the other one wants one

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Original poster

Keepdlingwhatyourgutsays · 26/04/2018 14:35

It depends how it would effect the child having one or not.

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lottiegarbanzo · 26/04/2018 15:57

Ok, it's just you asked about only children longing for siblings and said yours would like a baby but not what followed. Almost as if what she wanted made a difference. Rather than just what you think would be best all round.

I don't think you can really know how she'll respond, she certainly cannot, as everyone adapts to reality.

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