Does mumsnet reflect the 'real world' of parenting today?

[babybore]

What I mean is that the styles of parenting that are generally advocated here eg:
*Feeding on demand
*Babyled weaning
Co-sleepingAnti-structured routines
*attachment parenting
*extended breastfeeding

are often very different to the ones used by mums I meet in RL who tend to have a loose routine, wean traditionally, breastfeed until 5-9 months and only use a sling when they are out and about.

A chicken and egg scenario: are certain people drawn to mumsnet because they are interested in different types of parenting methods, or does mumsnet attract regular people who then become interested in things like BLW?

I think there is a cross section of parenting styles advocated on mumsnet and that the ones you list are not the norms for most mumsnetter, just for a segment of mumsnetters who find a lot of support here.

Mumsnet isn't a representative sample of people but then neither are the RL circles of any of us.

(and that's if you believe that posters here are not all hairy arse pervy truckers and male to boot)

No

I think that there is good advice given on MN but I must admit to not reading some threads as I just know they will get my back up. We are all different and just becasue some of us choose to do everything the "Health Visitor" way and others do it outside the box, none of us should criticise others ways.

I do think there is a wealthy element her too but tbh don't really look at any nanny/private ed as these topics are just not relevant to me

What I like is that I come on here to be me, I don't have any cronies I "speak" to anyone. I don't like the way some ppl jump on the bandwagon to chastise posters if the clique doesn't agree with it.

live and let live I say

At least on MN these arguments can be aired, whereas in RL many issues aren't even raised for fear of causing offense.
Id rather see a blazing row erupt on MN than not even know that there are widely differing opinions out there.

Sweety - exactly. You can engage in debates (rows?) here that you would never dare engage in face to face. Very useful. And good practice for RL too.

I thik all the things the op mentioned are debated and posted about by a vocal minority on this site rather than it be the norm

I agree with expat too.

But then maybe I notice it cos we are broke adn struggling a bt atm.

I don't and wouldn't want to follow any of the parenting styles listed, and don't think I even have a parenting style other than muddling through as best I can. I don't think they're wrong, but they're not for me. If they suit other people that is great.

I tend to steer clear of MN threads on those topics because, mainly, they're not very funny and I rather like MN as a distraction from 24/7 parenting, a way of reminding myself that there is a lot more to life than babies, lovely as they can be. Certainly haven't felt tempted to try an of those approaches since using MN - quite the opposite, in fact.

Hmm I'm not sure it is the 'educated' thing. Most of my mum friends are from wealthy middle class backgrounds, educated to at least first degree level. Yet when I moot BLW or 'attachment parenting' to them, they haven't got a clue.

I know what a previous poster meant about never feeling guilty about being a mum until they came here though. It can make you feel like you're a failure if you're not chatting energetically and enthusiastically to your child all day long, engaging in creative and stimulating activities while serving up a beautiful array of organic, seasonal produce finest (not blended though oh god no) for your dc to feast upon.

Having said that I have found Mumsnet incredibly helpful and reassuring at times. It's often the more extreme points of view that you happen to remember and generalise about.

I have got to agree with all those that said that what is reflected on this site is to do with being well informed on a subject and being able to talk about it without fear of confrontation or face to face objection.

Am I the only person who always finds the word "parenting" odd? Like it's an activity that one does. Or a job. It's clearly a relatively new term. Parents used to be people with children, not people who "parented". And "styles of parenting". Like it's house decorating. It's a phrase I never use in real life and never actually hear anyone use unless they call themself a parenting expert or counsellor.

NKF - I think that "parenting" is the modern, gender-neutral, PC term for what was traditionally termed "mothering". The expression "to mother a child" used to be common usage.

yes

tbh i think that a lot of mners only tell what they think we want to hear when it comes to parenting styles. i know i do!

but agree that the average mner seems to be quite well off, well-educated and above average intelligence

i agree. thankfully the majority of Mn are quite intellectual and driven so that is reflected in their parenting choices.
im sure if you went to a site that had threads about "which earings do you think look bestw ith a tracksuit" you would find a completly different paretning style.

I find it interesting how this model of parenting has evolved, call it attachment parenting or whatever, that is perceived as being somehow "alternative" and often adopted by people who might see themselves as free thinkers, rather than those who follow the crowd. But somehow or other this model is now becoming like a blueprint, as if you "have to" do all the right things i.e natural birth, co-sleep, breastfeed, no routine, BLW, cloth nappies, home schooling, no vaccinations, etc etc I'm not saying any of those are right or wrong, but I just find it ironic that the "alternative" model then becomes an ideology in it's own right that is just as rigid in its way than the mainstream. Shouldn't we all be free to pick and choose what works for us, rather than follow a blueprint i.e tick all the "attachment parenting" boxes versus ticking all the "traditional parenting" boxes?

As for Mumsnet, I have no idea if it's mainstream or alternative, but I do find that there are distinct "camps" and the two can be quite hostile to one another - less about sharing alternative views and more about forcefully putting across your own views.

But still, I must love it or I wouldn't be on here so bloody much....

fab post!

Lol. No I don't.

In the OP: 'mums I meet in RL who tend to have a loose routine, wean traditionally, breastfeed until 5-9 months and only use a sling when they are out and about.'

The above is closer to me, but then I don't necessarily think that the majority on MN do do all the BLW and so on but that it is more noticeable on here because they are looking for similarly minded people.

I agree mumsnet has well-educated posters but I think generally (I.e. statistically) those who are better educated tend to also be better off.

'tbh it never occurred to me to feel gulity about certain elements of parenting before I joined Mumsnet'

Very much agree with that comment from lucyjones! Although I am pretty blase generally.

i do think tho that theres a tendancy to "brush under the carpet" (for want of a better phrase) aspects that may come in for criticism, eg, early weaning.

i dont think it reflects the real world of parenting. My children were older too so those issues dont apply to me and i tend not to even look at most threads about them.

I

Haven't read the whole thread but would comment on the cosleeping thing.

I cosleep and will fully admit it on here but tend to be more reticent in admitting it in real life even with my close friends. Don't know if it is embarrassment or not wanting to be judged

It may well be that people feel they can be more honest on here and tell white lies face to face.

I have been scanning many of the posts here, and wanted to raise a point about the 'middle class / wealthy' mnetters that are apparently on here.
I think that if you trawl through many different threads - which I tend to do, as I am inherently very nosy! - you learn that there are women from every level of society, and in very different circumstances. The thing I love about this site is just that - and that we ALL have the same fears and concerns, regardless of our background, and you find that you associate with people here that you wouldn't in rl, simply because you just don't meet them.
well, theres MY opinion, anyway. Of to find another thread to stick my nose into...!

mrsmalumbas - I had a natural birth, we co-sleep, my daughter (2.6) is still breastfeeding, our routine is very much one of fitting in with the constraints of life around us (very flexible on bed times, nap times etc) but I have never used cloth nappies, my daughter has had all her vaccinations as soon as possible in the vaccination timetable and I would never dream of homeschooling - she's off to school in September at 2.10. Oh, and I do sometimes bribe her with Smarties...

And when I read MN, I read about people like me in that they pick-and-choose, according to their own lives and own (generally well informed) beliefs from the wide range of parenting techniques that are discussed here.

MN is closer to my experience of RL than the other baby forum I used to use. I really did feel like an inferior wierdo there, for not following a routine by 2 weeks old, not weaning at 4 months, not entering into competetive bragging thinly disguised as worry and not doing lots of other things that everyone else there seemed to think reflected RL. There's a lot more diversity on MN than other internet forums I've used - I like that.